DD 4 1/2 is so very rude. Developmental stage starting school? Help!

[maydaychild]

Of course she is tired, but she is so rude. And it's getting worse.
Throwing pens/cutlery/toys on the floor, stamping, throwing herself on floor flailing limbs. Screaming with anger. Screaming at me. Screaming at little brother.
Constant back chat - But this but that
Endless negotiating (she has excellent vocabularly)
Mood swings, talking normally one second and sobbing the next, can't finish a sentence. Can't pull herself together. Can't make herself understood.
No manners at all. Not one. Demanding, insistent that you listen to her.
Talking over me.
It wasn't my fault. Refusal to look at me when being disciplined. Refusal to take punishment - ie you sit where I told you to sit in time out (not two foot over so you can peer through door) constant battle.

What in the heavens is going on and what happened to my happy little pleasant girl.
Is this school? Should I be worried, do you think something is bothering her?
Is it tiredness? Is it the backlash of being told what to do all day at school?
I'm not overly confident with her teacher but I don't think anything drastic afoot there. She likes school, happy to go. Not happy to learn as well I as I believe she is capable of.

Change ds to ds and I am you!!

Sigh. I meant dd to ds.

No help, but letting you know you are not alone!

Phew. I feel marginally better already just from that Republic!!! as I hope do you from reading mine!

Just out of interest, he is very similar age? She is May birthdate

I'd guess a mixture of things- you mention tiredness, school, younger brother etc plus also just being four! Which sounds like a frustrating place to be!
How far do you get when, in a calm moment dedicated to her, you ask if there is anything bothering her?
This won't be it entirely, but as a matter of interest, do you play with her much? My DD's behaviour improved greatly when we tried some techniques out of a book I had seen recommended on here called Playful Parenting. I didn't swallow the book wholesale but sometimes play is helpful in allowing a child to master their little world instead of everything always being done to them, which was frustrating my DD a lot.
HTH- I sympathise.

off to mumsnet search the book title...!

Yes! Same age. Also off to amazon!

DD is a May birthday, in Reception, and could be the child you describe - are you sure she's not a clone? :o

I'm pinning my hopes on the Christmas holidays improving things...

me too... my ds is 4, 5 in june. We are having bother with everything you mention in op. Your not alone its a nightmare and i really hope it passes.

My God mayday - are you me...? I could have almost written your post word for word about my DD1 (also 4 1/2 - early June birthday). Lets just hope its a phase they'll grow out of pretty soon (for everyone's sake!)

What's she like at school?
My mum used to be a school teacher. She has always told me that the usual child is the one that is (generally) good at school, but plays up at home. She always worried about the one playing up at school but was always good at home (according to the parents).
So, if you apply that, you have a pretty normal child.
My DS was like this in reception - it's such a big change for them; imagine what it's like when you start a new job - loads of new people to get used to, don't know the systems or the politics, don't know where things are, etc. so no wonder she lets off a bit at the end of the day.

Another May birthday here and pretty identical behaviour at home.
She's very tired, tearful and angry.
I'm very understanding towards her, don't do any harsh punishments, try to play as much as I can with her and I'm cutting down on after school activities.

You have described my formerly lovely ds who also started school this year. People tell me it gets better...

Dd with a June birthday and very similar behaviour here too, complete turn around from the easy going child she was. I have ordered ''How to talk so your kids will listen & listen so your kids will talk'. Recommended on another thread about 4 year old behaviour.

Get the 123 Magic book - I promise you it works. Killed arguing and whining pretty much overnight in this house.

dd1 is 4.5 and exactly the same, she is nearly always good at school but chenges at home and has become so naughty.
she has started hitting and has had her first 2 smacked bums this week which i said id never do when i just didnt know what else to do.
she shouts and screams, whines like a baby and grunts instead of talking.
argues back.
says but im just....
says no and ignores us.
screams on naughty step.
repeats bad behaviour over and over whilst looking at us for reaction.
very jealous of sister.
very tired after school, behaviour gets worse at dinner time and by friday she is an explosion waiting to happen.
im at the end of my tether.
she is also very naught in shops now, demanding everything she sees and screaming/crying tantrumming to try and get things, particularly food and shouting you never buy me anything you never feed me at full volume.

i feel like i cant take her out im so embarassed.

also she gets that excited over a trip to park/softplay/swimming that she always gets told off before we get there as she wont stop going crazy and screaming and being too over the top that it ruins every trip out.

We have the same going out issues family fun.
Ok so will get some books from library and cram up. We'll all check back in once they have turned back into darlings again .
(ponders on sweepstake)

I was just looking here, wondering whether to post the very same thing!

It's such a relief that it seems to be fairly 'normal' if unpleasant.

DD1 is 4 (5 in April) and in reception, and we are having so much trouble with her lately.

She argues back about everything.
She threatens to hit if she can't have her own way.
She screams and has tantrums.
She has major mood swings- one minute laughing the next crying.
She is an 'absolute pleasure to have in class' though

I'm definitely going to have a look at the books that have been recommended.

Maybe this is some kind of trial run for teenagerdom

How come we hear about the "terrible twos" bit never the fearsome fours!

Going through a bit of this with my 4 yr old. I do find that making sure she has enough sleep and snacks (her appetite seems to have increased) helps somewhat. Otherwise I need buckets of patience...

You could be describing my DD1 word for word, except as an October baby she hasn't started school yet (will it get worse, yikes?!)

We didn't get the terrible twos which we were so smug relieved about.

Playful parenting does have some really useful strategies but sometimes I just end up yelling. Not ideal but it generally gets her attention.

One of her most annoying habits is the disgusting table manners. Hair draped over plate while using fingers whilst 15 month DD2 sits and eats nicely with her fork. I'm wondering where the hell I went wrong quite a lot at the moment.

My DD turned 5 a few weeks ago and we have had the rollercoaster of emotions and behaviours too. I am told it improves for the Spring term, but sadly can restart when they go into Y1 and the schoolwork ramps up

I will then have a new Y1 and a new YR child

I'm so glad I say this thread. We have a May birthday 4.5yo dd also and she's turned into a stroppy teenager. Huffs and sighs when asked to do anything. Nothing is ever right. Random tears over the most minor things.

Thank god it's not just us. She used to be lovely! When can i expect a return to former angel child status?!!

Parents evening was brill though and she has had a merit certificate for 'sensible' behaviour which really made me laugh. MIL used to teach reception and said the same thing as above about being good in school but a bugger at home. That's nice but would be lovely if she could be good for both!

StrictlySazz think I will need a suitable corner to rock in and a massive supply of wine come next September too! I'll have DD1 going into YR1 and DD2 starting reception