Has anyone taken their child to a child Psychologist?

[Lulu40]

Following my ds hurting another child at nursery I have sought advice from my GP and he is referring us to a child psychologist. I am worried about what to expect has anyone had any dealings or is indeed a child psychologist?

Can't help but I do recall talking to an American temp a few years ago and the way she talked it seemed the norm at least where she lived (she was from middle-class etc ie not one you would associate with "problem areas/family" hope you get my gist). What I'm trying to say is in UK think we view psychologists and counsellors as something to shame away from while in some countries it is norm. Hope someone out there can reply better than I can and more importantly hope whatever the problem is it can be sorted out quickly for you all.

I'd just take the view that you would if you went to see one on your own account - is your child relaxed with them, do they make you feel confident, do they answer your questions and give you their full attention and acknowledge your fears?

I've only seen one who was an educational psychologist to do a dyslexia test on my son - I didn't like him at all but my son did and they got on famously.

I might be tempted to ask a very good friend to give me a warts and all report on my child - just to be sure you're not deluding yourself into thinking its your son's problem when its actually something you're doing or not doing. I only say this because my brothers kids are crying out for attention from their parents who are both working professional people and they are the only people who can't see what the problem is. The children behave appallingly in company and are constantly demanding attention at all times of the day and night, or else drama queen tactics. They have taken their eldest to all kinds of health professionals and not one has said what the rest of us can see is staring them in the face. And no, I haven't dared to give them the warts and all that I'm suggesting you get! I came very close to it, but it's something our dear departed mum would have sorted out straightaway!

Sorry Lulu40, I wouldn't hurt anyone for the world, but that is something to be aware of, perhaps as seeing a psychologist is a big step for 'hurting another child at nursery'. What do you mean - biting or kicking or pulling a leg off something and hitting with it? How old is your son? You must be feeling very sensitive, please accept my apologies if any of this posting is too much.

When my daughter was bullied at school the bully was referred to a child psychologist. He actually worked with the whole family as in that case the aprents attitude to the child was part of the problem. They hit the child when he misbehaved, handled him roughly at other times and didn't look for things to praise him for. He also established that the child had dyslexia and needed extra help at school.

Much better for you to seek out help for your child now than have them face problems later. The earlier you catch this the easier it is to deal with. You can expect the psychologist to look at whether your child has a specific problem needing help but also at the way he reacts to everyone around him. Obviously that can be a painful process but the parents of "my" bully's child found it much easier to take this from a professional than from other parents.

Kia I've got a similar problem with friends. Their child is very unhappy and hence a bit of a problem at school and I can see why but I've only been hinting around the problem. (Rich family, away too often so child doesn't bond, given too many expensive items so stands out from the others causing resentment, wrong sort of attention from parents). Difficult isn't it?

Yes your right I am very sensitive about this subject as its been a truly horrible experience but both my dp and myself have looked at ourselves and can obviously come up with some reasons for his behaviour. He does not control his anger very well - not all kids do but as he did actually hurt somebody's else child we have decided to try and act now rather than leave it till he gets to school.

I've just taken mine to a child psychologist but due to her bad sleeping habits, still up 3-4 times a night, aged 16 months. I felt desperate for help so didn't mind when my HV suggested it but appreciate that this is probably different to your feelings. To be honest all she did is tell me exactly what I already know, don't give her milk at night, don't pick her up, etc, etc.
I'm guessing you'll probably get advice which you already know you should do but somehow we don't follow textbooks. I see that our response to ours is really causing the problem and we are trying to change. What I'm trying to say is although it may seem really obvious what they will tell you, try and do what they suggest. Do also remember that none of us are perfect parents and sometimes we're just to damned tired to correct things we should pick up on and we all do this. I'm sure that even after a few days of practising whatever the psychologist tells you you'll see some results and that't the most important thing at the end of the day.
Good luck.

Help I live in Ireland and don't know where to turn my GP is away, my health visitor has retired and they have no replacement I have two boys aged 5 and 19 months, my 5 year old hates his brother because all he does is bite him, pull his hair or throw things at him then he gets angry and the whole house is at war. Even my childminder who has the patience of a saint has run out of ideas and i feel hopeless any suggestions would be great

I think you're right about following the advice given Janus, and especially the bit about not knocking yourself if you don't get it right every time. It is easier to give in when you're dog tired! I'm always ashamed when looking at the thread about letting your toddler have a tv in their bedroom - ours had one on a timer to keep him in bed at 5 in the morning! BBC2 and Open Learning saved my sanity! I tried anything and everything, I was at my wits end, tired and emotional, it was awful. Then one day as if a switch had been clicked he slept through till 7am!

I had to separate my two when they went through the fighting like cats and dogs stage - absolute rules afterwards for a set time - no speaking, no playing and definitely not eating in the same room at the same time. Doesn't always work, but they get bored of their own company sooner than later. It's hard on you, because if they sense your heart isn't really in it - then they'll just do it all the more!

Good luck, I hope everything gets sorted out soonest.

Thanks kia for the suggestions about seperating them, I have just heard from a friend of a friend that if your second child is the same sex as the first then there are more problems what does anyone else think

Ok so I am a clinical child psychologist and mother to 3 little boys ((1,3,5) so I might be able to put you at some ease. Firstly you don't say what your child actually did but it seems to me that you must have ( or the nursery??) been quite shocked by it.Which doesn't necessarily mean that there was anything abnormal in what your child did except maybe it was a bit more extreme than everyone expected? Maybe your GP feels you could do with an objective supporter who will try to give you constructive and practical advice in a way that no friends or family can because of the relationship? Most of us psychologists are parents ourselves and certainly have experience of pretty much everything a child can think of to do that makes parenting a challenge, so try to see it as the chance to vent your feelings and get some useful ideas too! Good luck and keep us posted!

Just realised that my reply was to the first problem not the one about the brothers, sorry I'm new to all this (and isn't it addictive!)
For what its worth pick one undesirable behaviour eg biting and whenever irt happens try immediate and calm separation for a short time in a safe place with NO VERBAL COMMENT eg sit the little one on the stairs and count to 30 or however long it takes for him to stop protesting ( it can take 40 mins first time as soon as he's calmed down let him up and back to playing , trying to praise nice behaviour but the next time biting occurs even if its 2 secs later ttake him calmly back to the place and repeat the counting etc. It can take a lot of goes initially but its a good way of safe non punitive separation to help your child learn which bit of what he does is not OK and which bits are great.
My sons of 3 and 5 are very good at counting now!
The littlest one takes himself off the the bottom step too! It gives everyone a moment of space to clam down and restart. Just make sure your eldest iusn;'t actually provoking the little one.. after all he's old enough to know what to do /say to get in and out of trouble!
good luck!

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Very briefly an educational psychologist deals with problems which interfere with a childs ability to flourish and learn, usually within the school setting. So if a school is worried about a child whose seems able but still not reading they will eventually call for an assessment by the ed psych to see if eg dyslexia is a problem and then the ed psych would give advice on how the child, family and school can address areas of need and build on strenghthd. A clinical psychologist deals with problems of behaviour from bedwtting, tempers, sexual abuse, depression etc etc .. even managing chronic conditions like severe excema or illnesses needing compliance for unpleasent procedures eg leukaemia. I guess those which are primarily mental health issues rather than learning issues. BUT both disciplines share many skills and often will liase about children whose difficulties fit both areas eg Autism and Aspergers syndrome, for example. Hope that helps!

Tufty - would you mind having a quick look at the Educational psychologist thread. I know that you can't say what could be causing my nephew's behavioural problems without meeting him face-to-face, but perhaps you might be able to suggest where my sister could look for help. Thanks!

Lulu40 yes I went to see a child physcologist for one of my children and I know just how you must be feeling. It wasn't for the same reasons as you but I did feel I had to act if only to reassure myself that I personally was doing everything in my power to help my child. In some ways it was a relief that someone was actually taking me seriously and listening to my worries as up until then I'd had nothing but platitudes about being a good mother and that everything would be fine when I felt it wasn't and hadn't been for a long time.
I went on my own and in fact he never actually saw my child. He asked me a lot about myself and my childhood and then about our family and how this child got along with siblings etc. I was very nervous and tried to analise everything he asked and what I'd replied (I tend to do that anyway though!) but in the end I relaxed and he assurred me that I was doing the right things. I told myself that I had nothing to loose and everything to gain from seeking this help and I hope that it is a positive experience for all of you. Good luck.