4.5 yr old DS and behaviour at school

[littone]

DS started school in reception this September. A few weeks in had routine meeting with teacher who advised he and some of the other boys in class can "be a bit silly" and they are keeping an eye on it. This has now escalated to him and one other child not leaving each other alone, but when they are together they cannot behave (silly, physical) and ends up with one or other of them getting hurt. School are keeping them apart as much as possible in class, though they managed to end up together today and get into trouble. They also gravitate towards each other in the playground that also ends up with one of them getting hurt. So far school techniques are not working terribly well (separate as much as possible, buddy up with other children, threat of holding dinner ladies hand all lunchtime - yet to be carried out despite my agreeing with this, and today a trip to the deputy head).

Am planning on going in armed with star chart on Thursday as that has worked well with over boystrious (sp?) behaviour at nursery, but would welcome others suggestions too.

Sounds like normal behaviour for a 4.5 year old to me. Ds is exactly the same age, although is still at nursery as we are in Scotland. They are still very young.

I guess just keep doing what you are doing, reward chart is a good idea, we have started one this week to encourage ds to eat his breakfast and get ready a bit quicker of a morning.

Could you encourage other friendships? Maybe invite another friend from school over one weekend?

I'm sure it will pass.[hugs]

Thanks Geordieminx. I agree they are still very young, but equally I understand why the teacher can't just let them carry on!

We will try star chart tomorrow.....

Had exactly the same with DS last year same age etc in recpetion.

School did manage to seat seperatley for work but less structured time they did gravitate towards each other and still do though in seperate classes in year 1.

I'll admit I drilled it into DS that he must not play with him and if he does and got hurt/in trouble etc then it was his fault. I did a lot or repition convos about chosing the right games at lunch time.

I made an effort to have playdates with other children and I would correct rough play that goes to far, but I also had to accept that rough play is part of some of the games they play at that age. As he was making progress in school work and this was not affected I had to let it run its course. He has calmed down now in yr 1.

I withdrew things he liked if he had been in trouble. I expect DS to behave as basic requirment not one he gets rewarded for (I reward new achievements as and when they arise) so I takeaway when not behaving, this worked for me and if star charts work for you defo do it.

Thanks bigeyes. Whilst I wouldn't wish this on anyone its nice not to feel like the only one who has been in this position. We also use taking away when behaviour isn't good (tv time, dvd from the library etc). The most effective star chart for us is to do one completed with stars that get removed if he doesn't behave - this has been more effective then earning a star for good behaviour.

I wonder if our school mixes the classes up going into year 1.

this sounds exactly like my DS last year. It's normal. I was really worried about it at the time tho, esp as he was getting in trouble and alienating the 'nice well behaved' kids with his silly puppy-play/rough housing etc. The teacher had him make a sticker chart and laminated it, they used that there and it really helped. And they just kept reinforcing the rules in class. TBH outside of class there's still a lot of physical rough play etc, but i think that is just what its like with some 6 yr old boys! things are much better now.

littone I kid you not I heard today that the other child in my DS's reception year I referenced above has been in trouble and apparently had to see the headteacher this week and parents were spoken to.

Be patient work with your DS and it will come good, I know for fact that this boys parents a very lax (and me and the other mums think we can see why) and have allowd a little boy to play how he likes with no boundries - this is based on stuff ours DC's have experiences (as my DS was not only one) and seen for ourselves outside of school, and from a member of staff comments (yes a bit unethical but we got drift)

I thought about you when I heard this today. I bet if you speak to other mums you'll find they/there DC's have experienced the same reguarding your DS's unwelcome friendship.