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Behaviour/development

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Difficult behaviour from 3 yo

4 replies

Bambinocino · 29/11/2011 13:50

DD, 3.5, has been getting more and more difficult and I wondered if anyone had had similar experience. She'd been awful from about 2 - 2.5, lots of tantrums, refusing to sleep at night, fussy eating, refusing to get in the bath. She improved over the next few months or so and was really quite lovely, but still had the odd regression.

Then at the end of Sept she started at a new nursery when I went back to work 2 days a week. DS (1) is there too. I like the new nursery, but it's Montessori and more structured than the old one, and DD is there 8-6, longer days than before. She seems to find it very tiring. Her behaviour has gone wrong again - lots of tantrums, all the same things as before. What's worse is that she's started doing it at nursery - esp at mealtimes. She often throws herself on the floor when her lunch/tea is given to her, and turns into a dead weight and refuses to try it - unless it's pasta. She also gets very upset if another child takes a toy or something off her. The teachers seem to find her behaviour unusual and quite shocking. They've suggested we get outside help re the food fussiness.

My sense is that she's still only 3 and we shouldn't have too high expectations of her, esp since she's only recently started at the new place. She's never been great with change - i think the previous behaviour was partly caused by birth of DS when she was 2.4. But sometimes i wonder if this is actually quite unusual and we should see a child psychologist or something to get some strategies. Wonder if anyone has any thoughts?

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theseventhdwarf · 29/11/2011 14:23

i think if your sense is that she is still settling into the new place then listen to your gut. Have you tried little chats or role play of being in montessori etc to see if she likes it or not - or if she s happy or if there s a particular something that s making her uneasy?
Does she say if she likes it?
Do you think if she s tired is there any other possible arrangement that might be easier on her? Someone to pick her up earlier ( DH or GP or auntie?)
Is she getting enough to eat in the evenings or overall there - low blood sugars really send mine into tantrums and awful mood swings - protein snacks help with combating this i think ?
Are the montessori a little harsh regarding the food issues ? Was there possibly a negative cycle started at the beginning that she s fearful of ?
Sorry I dont want to shake your confidence in your childminders - but if youre gut is that she needs more time to adapt then I would examine the current situation and see what can be done to make it easier on her. If she s a sensitive child who takes time to adapt then you seem to be tuned into that so hopefully you can help find a way to make it easier for her.

Bambinocino · 29/11/2011 18:53

Thanks v much Seventh. I've tried chatting to DD about the new place, she doesn't seem to want to talk about it too much but I get the impression that she likes aspects of it. Definitely the food thing hasn't gone well there and yes, i think they might have had pretty high expectations in that area and been a bit harsh on her, so that it's become a bigger issue. I've suggested to them that my own approach is not to comment if she doesn't want to eat what I've offered her, but they don't seem too impressed with that and seem to want to encourage her to eat - not something she usually reacts well to.

Blood sugar levels could definitely be an issue - but I don't really want to ask them to offer her alternative food in case that entrenches the food fussiness even more.

Unfortunately we're a bit stuck for help with pickups etc as our families are both abroad - but if I go to work at the crack of dawn I can go and get her by 5ish, which might help. I'll try doing that from tomorrow.

Thanks again for the advice.

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theseventhdwarf · 29/11/2011 23:00

I changed my ds and dd crèche in sept it took a good 6 weeks for ds to settle and he sometimes still asks for his old one ( stake through my heart )
So it s a big change for them I suppose.
Have you had 'quick chats ' at pick up and drop off or have you managed to make a time and space to chat with the teachers specifically about your concerns?
I found that when we had issues settling in - if I said it at drop off and pick up ot was as if the girls didn't take it seriously enough - so I phoned manager and asked for an appntment time to talk about stuff - she was very receptive and
I found that what ever settling in difficulties we had we got over - but it wasn't until after I had that meeting.
Maybe something similar might help your situation too?
Good luck x

Bambinocino · 01/12/2011 13:05

That's a good thought Seventh, must say I haven't found the teachers that helpful at pickup, so I might give that a go. Meanwhile will hang in. Touch wood today and yesterday DD has been very nice :) so let's hope we're on an upswing.

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