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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My 5 year old is making me cry - help

11 replies

Daydreaming · 28/11/2011 19:13

My 5.5 year old DD is a lovely child for most of the time. I love her so much. BUT lately she has started to be very difficult.
She often answers back very rudely and can be incredibly wilful and stubborn. Tonight was terrible. I took her to an after school activity and everything was lovely, I got her a muffin as a treat on the way home, etc. When we got home she was playing in her room and when I wasn't looking she cut off quite a lot of her hair. Clearly to see how I would react.
I have never been this upset. I actually cried. I shouted at her, which was probably the wrong thing to do. I have no idea what to do. I have obviously failed as a parent.

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thisisyesterday · 28/11/2011 19:17

loads of kids cut their hair! or their siblings hair if they have one

i am not sure why you feel you have failed? because she cut her hair? or because of your reaction to it?

maxpower · 28/11/2011 19:19

If it's any consolation my 5yo (and many of her classmates it seems) has regular moments of driving me to near tears.

newgirl · 28/11/2011 19:22

I don't think it was necessarily to annoy you - I think that age are very experimental and act first think later.

pranma · 28/11/2011 19:26

Its very common-just take her to have it tidied up at the hairdresser-you probably terrified her with your reaction.Its not really naughty just a bit daft.My dd cut a big hole in my best table cloth at that age 'to see how it felt in the scissors!'

Original poster

Daydreaming · 28/11/2011 19:28

I was really upset because this has been escalating and I think tonight she knew that what she did was really naughty. She has lovely long hair and now it looks terrible. I guess it was the first time she did something that I think she knew was very bad.
Up to recently I thought I was pretty good at the whole parenting thing and now I think that maybe I am not!! And I don't know how to get across to her that this is not acceptable.

OP posts:

Original poster

Daydreaming · 28/11/2011 19:29

Ps thanks for saying it's normal. I probably should have not made a big deal out of it.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 28/11/2011 19:36

well you know, girls look lovely with a nice short haircut too.
i wouldn't worry too much about it. if she hates short hair that'll be punishment enough for her I think :)

kids push boundaries all the time and I think that 5 is a tough time with starting school and all that kind of stuff too.

valiumredhead · 29/11/2011 11:45

Well if she did do it for a reaction she got one, didn't she?

Take her for a tidy up at the hairdresser's.

rabbitstew · 29/11/2011 12:31

Clearly long hair means more to you than to her! I wouldn't interpret it as a wilfully naughty act designed purely to upset you, myself. It is her hair, after all and therefore has a much larger effect on her than you (or certainly ought to...). Did she, unprompted, tell you she had only done it to annoy you???????

I still remember from my own childhood the "'to see how it felt in the scissors!'" sensation described by pranma - sometimes the urge to see what it feels like to cut something can be quite overwhelming!!!!! And once you've started and realise you've made a mess, maybe it's hard to stop and admit to it rather than keep trying to tidy it up! The thought processes involved don't go remotely near trying to annoy or upset anybody. And the temptation of doing a bit of hairdressing can be overwhelming. There probably aren't many families that don't have a story to tell of siblings cutting each others' or their own hair at some point.

Tgger · 29/11/2011 19:16

I cut my own hair at the same age- it coincided with a fall (onto concrete- a while ago in the playground), so the school photo from that year, which was very soon after is a picture .

However, it's the most talked about school photo and my parents have fond memories of that time- I can't really remember it!

So, yes, very normal. Perhaps re the other challenging behaviour you need to develop a sterner voice, a more teacher like one to make the boundaries crystal clear.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 29/11/2011 19:34

My Ds1 cut off the cats whiskers when I wasn't looking.

Another time he decided to use another cat of ours as target practice and threw best part of a dozen eggs at him in the garden. Missed completely - daft cat stayed asleep!

Sadistic? Naughty? Or normal?

Trying it on I feel.

Kids try it on all the time and they have phases of developing their behaviour. They'll be angels for months, I'll feel I've cracked it and be an ever so proud mother.

Then completely out of the blue DS1 will call me a "fucking idiot"! and have to be carried kicking and screaming out of Asda for his bad behavior.

Part of the parenting dream I'm afraid. Don't worry too much, you can only do your best.

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