What would you make of what DD's teacher said to me today?

[wavingkitty]

I've just had my first consultation (is that what it's called? like a parents' evening thing?) with DD1's teacher. She is 4 and in reception and seems to be doing ok so far - certainly she likes it and wants to go, most of the time, though sometimes she's a bit nervous. Anyway, today her teacher said lots of nice things about DD1, that she is kind and creative and seems happy. But she also said we had 'something to work on', namely that DD1 needs adult feedback a lot, e.g. every time she draws a picture, she takes it to the teacher or teaching assistant to show her. The other children, she said, don't do this.

She said it wasn't a big thing. But I am a bit upset about it. What I am wondering is, what does it mean? Does she have no inner sense of confidence? I worry that, because I'm a nervous mother, I've tried much too hard to give her 'positive reinforcement' all the time and so I have actually prevented her from building up any inner confidence.

Do most children have 'something to work on' at parents' evenings? Or is this unusual? How can I help my DD to develop more self-sufficiency? And is it all my fault?!

Thank you!

All children have something to work on. That is the whole point of education!

It sounds like your dd's teacher is required to tell you something that needs working on and this is the only thing she could think of because your dd is otherwise such a clever, sensible, kind and thoughtful little girl :)

You have absolutely nothing to worry about!

I wouldn't take it as a sign of anything at all - I think what you're hearing is a harrassed teacher with too many in her class who hasn't got time to tell DD it's a nice picture every time. You could explain to your DD that although you love to see what she's done/drawn, the teacher isn't her mummy and has lots of children to look after as well as her, so the best thing to do is to bring the pictures home so mummy can look at them.

i think pretty much all kids will have something they need to work on and tbh this is fairly minor!

i do agree with what you have said, and I think it has been fairly well documented too, that children who are over-praised come to really rely on that praise. it doesn't mean they have no inner-confidence but maybe more that they just get used to it and feel they "need" it each time they do something.

but you know, as I say, I think this is really fairly minor and as such you should be really pleased that she's getting on so brilliantly at school :-)

Really? I'd have thought it's something most children do! My 7yo and 5yo love showing off what they've created...mostly because they think it's great...so not a self-confidence thing at all to me - quite the opposite!

All children should have "something to work towards/on" - that is the point of school, to keep them progressing and developing.

However, your DD's target does seem very odd. I work in a Y1 class and most of the children are still keen to come and show us what they have drawn/written/painted/made be it in class or at home. This is very very normal behaviour at this age.

I certainly wouldn't be concerned at all.

What a ridiculous point to make ... sounds like she hasn't got time to give feed back which is a real shame cos all kids want approval/guidance and reassurance they are doing it right. They are 4 years old for goodness sake and it's their first time is education. If that's all she could think of 'to work on' then you've got nothing to worry about. I would have asked her outright if it was a problem and if she said 'No', then I'd ask her why she raised it as an issue. Be ready next time ....

I wouldn't see it as a lack of confidence at all - I'd say the opposite. She's proud of what she's drawn, she thinks it's good, she wants the teacher/TA to know she's done something good. Or did you get the sense that she was specifically looking for reassurance that the picture is good?

Either way - what Octaviapink said. She'll be able to grasp at 4 that the teacher won't always have time to see every drawing every time straight away, but will look at them all later when the children have gone home.

I wish msnetters were my real-life best friends! Thank you! Your answers have made me feel a lot better. I will try and believe that it's not a big deal. I think I worry because it taps into something I feel already about DD1 - that she needs a lot of adult attention, stimulation etc., and that this is a direct result of my neurotic intense mothering. Particularly grateful for the 'education means having something to work on' idea. Obvious to most probably, but I hadn't really thought of it like that - i.e. it's ok to have some problems to iron out, it doesn't mean my DD will end up like her nervous mother. Necessarily.