Bad behviour at dinner party

[marykat2004]

Yesterday we attempted to have a Sunday roast with some friends. They have 2 sons, age 2 and 5, and we have one DD age 7. All went well until the boys wanted to play outside after dinner. We live in a block of flats, so playing outside requires adult supervision. DD didn't want to play outside. So, I told her she could stay inside with DH, while I took the others downstairs, with the other parents.

After about 20 minutes we came back in, but then DD wanted to go outside. I told her the other children were cold. DD then decided to stay on the balcony, outside the front door, sulking.

DH then took DD for a walk. He came back really upset and angry, because DD still didn't want to come back in the flat, and DH wanted to see his friend, who he doesn't see that often.

By then I also felt embarrassed and wound up. So, I let DH stay inside and entertain the guests while I sat outside with DD who was still really upset.

In the end DD calmed down and went back inside and played nicely with the boys. The day started and ended on good notes, but the strop/tantrum/bad behaviour in the middle was upsetting and embarrassing. Her mood swings are really upsetting for us, especially DH who has health problems.

I'm really worried about Christmas, if we try to have people over will the same thing happen again? And what should I do? Should I just leave DD to sulk outside on her own, keeping an eye on her from the window? There isn't a huge chance of her being kidnapped from outside our door, we have security locks downstairs and know most of the neighbours. DD got a lot of attention for her bad behaviour, whereas I would have been tempted to just let her sulk, rather than giving her so much one-on-one attention from each parent.

It sounds like this was uncharacteristic behaviour for her? Is it possible that she was feeling tired or unwell? My ds sometimes acts like this when he is coming down with a bug. I think you should let it go if it's a one-off incident and don't worry unnecessarily about Christmas. I also think you should ignore the behaviour in future if you can safely do so - and it sounds like you could have, in this case. Of course, she will be tempted to tantrum again if it means lots of attention from her parents, rather than being ignored on a cold balcony while everyone else is having fun!

It sounds like she enjoyed the time alone with your DH but when you came back with the boys, suddenly realised they had had you and she hadn't and became jealous. She wanted you to herself but didnt get it so she sulked. Sulking can last a long time if the child is determined!

If you're having other families over then, given that she isn't a tiny one anymore, I would discuss before hand (a couple of days before rather than the second before!) explaining you were disapointed last time and that sulking wont get her what she wants. Explain that if she is badly behaved when people are over then...and then the punishment is up to you. Nothing major, keeping a toy away or not letting her have a treat. Then put lots of emphasis on the positive over the next couple of days 'wont it be fun to have X and Y over, what shall we do? What games shall we play?'

Not exactly a one-off. She is an only child and very attention-seeking. She had a huge tantrum when we tried to go a child-based exhibition because there were other people there. She wants not only mummy and daddy but also the whole world to herself. She tells me that she is often alone on the playground, but the playground monitor says that is only when the other children don't want to do the same thing as my DD. Ugh..

For second poster, yes, that sounds good. DD did know these people were coming over. She has been to their house more often, and it's easier there because they have a bigger flat with a garden.

Thank you both for replying.