Worried about how possible relocation will affect DC's......

[NicwNacw]

Ok, so here's the background....

We've had a pretty awful year this year, DH has had cancer, involving a major op and loads of rehab, DS2 has been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and is now being tested for coeliac disease. DH is returning to work in January, but there are elements of his job (about a quarter of his workload) that he will be unable to do. Work have been outstanding btw.

There is a chance that he will be offered a national role within the company which will suit better, as this will not involve the more practical elements of his job that he can no longer do. However this may involve relocating from mid Wales to the Lake District.

We are both very concerned about how this will affect the DC's. Both are at a Welsh medium school currently, in a small community where they know pretty much everyone.

DS1 is 8 and DS2 is 6, we'd welcome any advice/experiences please....!

bump...

If you are positive and upbeat about the move, and do as much as you can to get involved in the new area as soon as you arrive, they should be fine - children are very adaptable.

I had to move mine at age 8 and 4 from Tokyo (where they were in a bilingual international school) to the UK, where they had never lived before and had no friends, as well as a completely different school system. The move was because DH had died, so it was sudden and traumatic too.

Five years on, they are both thriving and happy at school. I think (or at least I hope) that my attitude had a lot to do with how well they adjusted - although the circumstances were horrible, I tried to be as positive and cheerful as possible about all the new places and schools and people.

They have both lost some or all of their Japanese, though - keeping up the Welsh may be difficult unless you speak Welsh at home, but if it is a part of their childhoods, it would be nice to keep some element of it going.

Thank you exexpat. So sorry about your DH.

We don't speak Welsh, although they are fluent and have a very strong Welsh identity iykwim! It's good to know it's possible to do it after a traumatic year without too much additional trauma. Your advice about leading with a positive attitude makes a lot of sense - I'm hoping (if we do go) that we can frame it as a big adventure....

My biggest concern stems from the fact that I moved areas and schools at 8 and it affected me really badly. I think it was to do with the difference in the school that I moved to, I stuck out like a sore thumb and was bullied from then on.

Dread the though of this happening to them.

Dc's moved from London to Dubai when they were 7 and 9 ( this was following a very stressful year involving death of grandparents) they have been absolutely fine. If you keep them involved..looking at schools.. The local area, accentuate the positives

Actually it wasn't London I say that generally as it's a small home counties village ..you can't get much more different .. The old primary had 150 children the new has 1300 ... They coped amazingly.

I think you have to think about the well-being of your whole family.....Yes you are right to be concerned but how your children will cope. My DS is 6 1/2 and we have lived in 4 countries...he does not cope with moving at all well, gets highly stressed and behaves appallingly. I was dreading moving to the UK, because of this, but DH job was a dead end and he was miserable, a friend said to me, that we often talk about mothers being the heart of the home and they need to be happy, however Dad's being happy is so important as well.

It sounds like this move will be positive for your whole family.

Our move here, I was so worried about, and about the first 4 weeks DS was hell on wheels at school (it is awful being the mother of that child), however the school was amazing, and now he is really happy - and loving school for the first time in his life. Hopefully you will have time to talk the children through the move, have choice in schools, and can make it as easy on them as possible.

Mrslaughan that's really struck a chord actually. DH has been having some counselling from MacMillan and at his last session his counsellor told him he seems to always put his needs and wants last. It is SO important to the rest of the family that he is happy and I think this move will be really good for him, but he finds it hard to accept that for once HE needs to come first - and THAT will make us all happy. If he's not happy, none of us are - but he finds that really hard to hear...

Might show him this thread actually...

I think the problem you had at 8 was with a specific school, I am sure if something similar happened to your children you would change their school (and there is more than one school in the Lake District).
I haven't moved my DCs far, but my nieces moved twice in their childhood (both pretty much from one end of England to the other). They objected, but it was part of their Dad's job, and they adapted well both times, after few hiccups to start with.

As far as schools are concerned, you may not have that much choice if you are in a rural area, but if there is one in the area which has regular turnover of children - maybe due to a big company/university/hospital nearby - you may find it is easier for your DCs to settle in there than at a school where everyone has been together since reception. I've heard some small village schools can be quite insular in that way.

I deliberately chose to send DS to a school which had quite high pupil turnover (not normally seen as a good thing) and also, luckily in our case, a fair number of pupils from overseas (parents mainly at the nearby university) which meant his sudden arrival from Tokyo wasn't seen as anything out of the ordinary.