2.5 year old ds hitting and pushing other kids

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I know that some kids do and that it is part of finding their boundaries and learning how to behave BUT it is so mortally shamefull and embarassing when my ds clobbers innocent sweet little boy on the head during circle song time at playgroup, and i have to do the walk of shame out of there, feeling those silent smug thoughts - 'oh, thank goodness my ds/dd doesn't do that'. He has a great report from nursery, joining in, sharing, getting on with the other kids, however when he is with me, he will sometimes hit and push kids who are a little younger than him and often refuse to share. I know there will be lots of mums who will sympathise when their sweet little darling turns into a little thug. I am hoping this is short lived phase and will pass soon but i am dreading going to playgroup next week. Any words of empathy most welcome.

DD does too. Particularly if other child has something she wants!

Re the smug ones - it's a long fall on their high horse when their little darling does something similar - and they will as they are kids

My DS is shall we call it "spirited" and is nearly 3 so I sympathise but honestly this is probably seeming worse than it really is, especially in regard to mrs judgeypants their probably more likely thinking "thank god it's not me today".

I go to a rhyme time which is followed but 30 mins play and all the little ones sit singing ba ba black sheep and my DS would run around waving his socks in the air I have a DD baby too so was just a nightmare! Taking a cushion worked for a few weeks as it gave him a spot and was special but that wore off. Excluding him and making him sit with me outside worked but in the end we spent most of our time stood outside with baby DD inside in her car seat looking like this I was also convinced the while performance was disrupting the group and it all felt more like a boot camp for DS than actually a fun thing to do. So we now only go to the play bit after the sing song. Much better, wish DS was a sit down and sing songs for 30 mins kind of little fella but he's just not built that way, he's all about being active and doing. In time he will have to learn but for now it seems futile to try and push it too far with him.

He's not a hitter but does react if someone takes his toy - I just deal with it by making him apologise and move on. I think some mums are very unrealistic about how much kids this age understand about sharing as a concept it's just alien to them. I think it comes later on and for now we have to just try and sort the little scuffles out quickly and not get too het up about it. Some mums go way over the top. What's worse is when their LO then does it they ignore
It!

Also I have loads of friends who are convinced their LO will be walked all over as they are too timid etc it all works out in the end

That is one of the reasons I hate toddler groups. He sounds completely normal, they just take it in turns. Also, little girls have this amazing ability to look innocent if they think it will help get another one into trouble.

Oh sorry it was a boy he clobbered, I doubt it makes a difference though!

My little boy behaves like this when I am around because he knows he is going to get attention. A raised voice or a stern look from me but he seems to love it if another parent tells him off which used to happen alot. At pre school he is extremely well behaved and he is generally a very well behaved child so I haven't often had to disipline him but he has realised that hits other children gets extreme reactions. People will shoot me down for this but I have been ignoring him and it worked the more time outs and more times I told him off the worse it got after 2 weeks of ignoring he doesn't do it now. He will sometimes look at me as if he is about to do something and realise there will be no attention for doing it so not worth it. Every time we came home incident free he would get a treat but actually acknowleding what he was doing was making it worse!! As long as they know it is WRONG to hit I think the ignoring really does work but at 2.5 your son may still be working out what is right and wrong. My DS is 3.

We had a terrible 18 months with DS1 and I left most toddler groups in tears. BUT how the tables have turned now he is just 4! It is now the 'nice' babies who have turned into bloody hard work, often quite mean, young children and somehow DS1 has turned into a lovely, well mannered boy......most of the time!

Funny though, the same mums seem to not really have taken on board just how upset I was when it was only ever my child hurting others.......it really was terrible and I was always crying on mumsnet! Honestly though the tables have really turned now and the shoe is well and truely on the other foot.

Try a zero tollerence approach. The first hit out and you leave. I always went over the rules before we went into toddler group and watch him very closely.

A fab mumsnetter did say something which really helped though. If your child hates toddler group etc why go?! Some really find it stressful. Go to the park, run in the woods etc, far less stressful,

xx

Thanks mumsnetters for your sage words and advice. We haven'd had any further instances of hitting since I first posted, although, we haven't been anywhere where it is likely to happen again. Fingers crossed for a smooth hitting free playgroup on Wednesday. I have spoken to lots of parents about this and the general concensus is that it is a phase lots go through and is really common behaviour. Thanks ;)