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2 and a 1/2 yr old unhappy with GM

5 replies

Zoidberg · 26/11/2011 16:57

Am a bit emotional right now so sorry if this isn't the most coherent post. And long too, sorry.

3 days a week DD goes to nursery a.m. and p.m. with Grandma. Age 1-2 she was with GM all day 2-3 days a week while I'm at work, started nursery at 2, settled in, happy enough there.

Mum (GM) just rang me and said "there's something wrong with DD" I said please can we not have a conversation like this on the phone as I'll get upset and angry - better face to face, I tend to lose it on the phone if I disagree with my mum.

Which I did. The "wrong" is this past week DD has been "very unhappy" says GM (not with me) and has been pinching and trying to hit GM.

I said, there's nothing wrong with DD, she is normal 2 year old, it's a phase, pointed out happiness of previous week.

GM said "thought you might be interested in your daughter being unhappy and want to do something about it" cue big shouting from me.

So, leaving aside the emotional horrors of my relationship with my mother, is there something wrong with DD, I wonder? She could have been extra tired this week, GM had already told me she woke up from a nap into the worst tantrun she's ever had, and she doesn't have many, which I think was her needing more sleep. Today she woke after an hour then slept on my lap for over another hour.

Or could it be something else? Does she suddenly hate GM (one of the things GM said), or maybe she wants me more? I said it's a phase, maybe it's a wanting mummy phase. Any thoughts gratefully received.

I am incredibly grateful to my mum for offering to do childcare, but I don't know how to handle this situation, which, if it was happening at nursery, would be made easier by the fact that there they are professionals and have experience of many children, whereas my mum only ever had me, and says "you were such a sweet child at that age" and can't understand why DD is not identical.

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rubyslippers · 26/11/2011 17:00

I would put her in a nursery or alternative childcare

You sound like you have a fractious relationship with your mum to the point you can't actually discuss your DD over the phone

rubyslippers · 26/11/2011 17:01

And to reassure y, pinching etc is a usual phase of being 2

Also being clingy is usual

Flisspaps · 26/11/2011 17:06

How was your relationship with your DM before DD? Just the phrase 'emotional horror' made me wonder if it was strained before you had DD (and that you lose it if you and your DM disagree)

Other than that?

Doesn't sound much different to how my DD is with me - one afternoon I'll get a happy charming child, the next day I'll get tantrums, refusing to nap - it's nothing wrong, it's just DD being a toddler!

maybenow · 26/11/2011 17:07

if you can't have a conversation with your mum on the phone about something that is not good with your dd while with her then i don't see how you can continue to use your dm for childcare... it sounds like you and your dm have far too fragile a relationship for this.

Zoidberg · 26/11/2011 17:45

Thanks, for the it's common behaviour, it is a relief to hear that. And for the input on me and my mum, good to get some perspective.

I have thought about other childcare, in the short term I'm taking a career break from Feb-Sept so we will continue for the next 2 months then no GM as childcare, just visits, then reassess in Sept.

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