Anyone want to join the difficult/wilful/won't do as they are told 3 year old club?

[kblu]

God i'm fed up.
Life is such a rollercoaster at the minute. Some days he's really good (rarely these days), most days he's so bad I just want the world to stop spinning so I can get off.

Please tell me i'm not the only one with a wilful/determined/angry/don't do as he's told/hitting whirlwind of a 3.5 year old? I was a bit shocked at a comment a friend of my mum said recently when he started kicking off because he didn't want me to have five minutes to myself whilst my mum looked after him. She said she'd "never seen anything like it in her life and not even with her own kids when they were little". How shit does that make me feel?

Every day seems a constant battle and I just feel so fed up. I try and be consistent with my behaviour techniques and sometimes i'm on a complete roll and am Supernanny in disguise and it works, but other times it just goes out of the window because i've just had enough and I end up shouting at him and going into another room to get out of his way. DH seriously criticized my parenting techniques this morning after another major tantrum was witnessed and I just feel so shit about it.

I know it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it but I just feel so pissed off at the minute and don't enjoy any time with him really. I go to work for a rest to get away from life at home.

Anyone else in this position that I can empathise with and share tea and sympathy?

Mine is 2.5 but I'm marking my place as I can see he gets temper tantrums sometimes so I'm here to listen to any sage advice that comes on thread.

My DS is 2.8 and sounds exactly like yours. All I seem to do lately is tell him off, I am even getting sick of hearing my own voice! He never listens, except if he hears 'juice' 'biscuit' or 'chocolate', then his hearing seems to get a lot better. i told him 3 times yesterday to stop standing on his chair or he would fall, he ignored me, laughed, jumped about then fell off. Cue lots of screaming, crying and 'mummy mummy hurt'. He has such an attitude, answers back, throws things, shouts a lot. I put it down to him playing with older kids at nursery, one of them is nearly 5 and not a very nice boy. I am hoping it is just a phase as he hasn't always been like this. So no advice just lots of sympathy!

I could have written your post! Much sympathy to you. I'm going through the same thing with my 3.5 DS. I would definately crack up if I didn't come to work part time . Also, it seems my friends children are so well behaved. I really try to be a good mum but i feel like im failing half the time. It does help coming on here tho.

I am so with you. My 3.1 year old is a Jekyll and Hyde child. One minute he is sweetness and light and the next a raving monster. I actually got taken aside into a separate room when I went to collect him from pre-school yesterday as he had hit another child over the head with a toy. He had used such force that the toy had broken in two! I am beside myself and feel like the worst parent in the world! It is so hard to know what to do for the best. And of course you feel like everyone is judging you. I am going to have to give up going to play group soon too as it has now been 6 weeks in a row he has thrown a major hissy fit, hitting me and anyone else who dares to cross his path. I am surprised noone has called social services about us yet!!
I keep telling myself it is just a phase but it is so hard to remember that when he is in the middle of a red mist moment.
We are only human though and we are doing our best!

I hear you, there was a short time when I was basically just a screaming harridan at my 2.5 year old. He bit, hit, threw toys and all sorts. It was a nightmare. Part of it was age, and pushing boundires.

We decided to really focus in on one area of behaviour the violence and we did a sticker reward chart, all day good, then he got a sticker, 7 stickers in a row then he got a little present (chocolate buttons, lego mini figure, sticker book). We did lots and lots of positive reinforcement, lots and lots of praise, and lots of chats about what constituted good behaviour. It worked, he really turned around.

We also had a zero tolerance policy to throwing, so if we were out we would leave the place. I also spent a lot of time modelling positive play and with his very good little mates and whose mums I am good mates with so I could lay it all on a bit thick and not feel self conscious. Putting a lot of time in on my part, a lot of activities, a lot of positive attention, this website is good for ideas

Good Luck!

That sounds quite normal to me! I'm the opposite in approach ie unconditional parenting, lots of reasoning, offering alternatives, etc. Some days it works great and he is responsive and co-operative and everything works brilliantly, but some days I also have had enough and shout or end up running to bed and hiding under the covers (surprisingly he finds me...) So it's nice to hear that it's probably an age thing rather than a technique thing. DP said to me as well on a day I was doing rubbish with it that he thought the way I was dealing with DS was not great. Thanks for that insight, perhaps you could, oh, I don't know, take over for a bit if I'm that stressed??

Boys have a testosterone surge at about the age of 3 or 4, which can be the cause of some of the tantrums, especially the jekyll/hyde ones! It can help to try and support them through rather than punish them for it if they seem out of control, because it can be scary for them too. The other day DS was helping me tidy up and I put one more thing in his plastic toybox than he did and he totally lost it, tipped everything on the floor, picked up a jigsaw box and went to throw it at me, I took it off him and said "We don't throw" and then he grabbed the huge plastic toolbox and wielded it by the handle like a shield and came towards me - TBH my first instinct was to cower! But I managed to grasp hold of it and prise it off him. His reaction to that was to start clawing at my face so I just held his arms and said "You need to CALM DOWN." Once he realised he couldn't move or hurt me any more he completely crumpled, looked horrified and started crying, really distraught, completely out of proportion to me taking the toy off him. I think he'd shocked himself by his outburst. So we had a cuddle and then we talked about being angry and how it wasn't nice but it wasn't okay to take your anger out on other people and I told him if he needed to calm down he could go into another room or go and hit the sofa or find his drink and sit down and drink it (not sure where this came from but he suggested it himself a few weeks back and sometimes it works - I suppose just breaks the red mist thing by doing something else.)

He does still sometimes pick things up to hit with when he is angry (which always get taken off him and put away for a while) but he has not had an outburst as bad since then.

They are always better behaved in public - the ones who seem perfect are probably horrors at home

So glad it's not just me then (name changed btw). Today he's been mostly good but he lost it just after lunch when I told him to stop emptying something on the floor and he threw a plastic toy at me which missed and hit our small dog on the head , then he started pummelling me with his fists in temper. Managed to calm him down after five mins or so and he's been good as gold this afternoon. Jekyll and Hyde is a good way to describe him.

Definitely not you, my three-year old DS is a right old controlling contrary Mary at the moment :( everything is a battle and he'd argue over the colour of the sky these days!

Mine is like this too. He was 3 a few weeks ago and although he's always been spirited, recently is a nightmare; running away, hitting, biting, throwing things and then in the last two weeks has started having screaming hiss fits when he doesn't get his own way. He had a complete meltdown in IKEA the other day when I tried to get him to finish his lunch. Screaming over and over again; I've never seen anything like it myself never mind other people!
I feel your pain x

Oh a thread I can take part in.

DS3 was 3 on Thursday just gon, and he is on a mission to torment the living daylights out of me.

He refuses to listen, runs away and hides at every chance and when I get angry at him he looks at me with his big brown eyes and says "Im sorry, I love you". Little tinker.

Have had to resolve to reins as he is getting so bad with the running away from me, he bolted across a road the other day. When I ask him to hold my hand he says "I'm holding my own hand", clenches his hands together and walks like that .

My other two were never this hard at 3!

Sign me up. DD 2.5 can be delightful in the extreme, but also incredibly wilful, teenage-moody, violent, angry, clingy like no other child I've ever witnessed and has literally has temper tantrums since birth. I'm pushed to the very limits of sanity with her sometimes, and feel so guilty because I think it's all my fault. Have I been too hard? Not hard enough? Spent too little / too much time with her? And to top it all off, when she's with my mum she doesn't want to know me and couldn't give an actual fuck whether I was there or not. She was obsessed with DH too until she was about 15 months - as in, she didn't acknowledge my presence if he was around and would scream and cry if he left the room, and hardly even looked me in the eye. She's a lot better in this respect now - loads of affection and asks only for me in certain situations (stories / at night etc). It really upset me at the time though. Nice to know we're not the only one with a Jekyll&Hyde!

mine's a little sod on occasion too (she's 2.10) - much on here rings bells - the not listening thing drives me absolutely demented -

Waves to 5inthebed. Happy Birthday to DS :) Mine does that big sweet smile and fluttery eyelash thing too. And is so solemn with his "sorry mummy, I'll be good" He starts nursery after Christmas and everyone asks if I'll be sad (he's the youngest of 3). My response is usually along the lines of "Hell, No!"

Oh, I have one here too. She's 3.3. Most of the time she is lovely, but she really does know how to throw a tantrum. Yesterday I had to carry her, kicking and screaming, into a toilet in a public place, while also trying to push DD2 in the buggy. DD1 had refused to go to the toilet- she has been toilet trained for over 6 months but has now decided that she doesn't want to use toilets, that's boring. She would rather wet her knickers.

Oh and today I had to carry her, kicking and screaming, out of a friend's house after a lovely playdate. Luckily the friend in question knows exactly what 3 year-olds are like.

OP, I bet your mum's friend has just forgotten what her kids were like, ALL the mums I know have experienced similar stuff and I don't think parents in my area are particularly lacking in skills- it's just what 3 year-olds do!

DS1 3.5 is Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde - fully worse since DS2 arrived in August because he isn't getting all my attention. Dicipline probably slipped a bit when I was pregnant (and knackered).

Now as soon as I sit down to feed DS2, DS1 is off on a mission to raid the fridge or destroy someting.

If DS1 gets told off for doing someting wrong he tries to give DS2 a poke/swipe on the way past but on the other hand is very helpful, loving and cuddly.

I can remember reading somewhere that toddler boys are like labrador puppies - keep them fed/watered and plenty of excercise. Sometimes you just have to forget the housework and keep them entertained and in just makes life easier on everyone (house looks like a bomb site today).

Count me in for this support group... DS is 2.4 and since yesterday morning has been showing extreme stubbornness in not wanting his antibiotic syrup for tonsillitis. Proper screaming ab dabs. Otherwise wonderful so I am taking the medicine performance as an indicator of later tantrum potential. Usually compliant but thoughtful and questioning. Likes to understand and think through 'the rules' - have heard him saying things from nursery as he goes of to sleep like 'walking feet inside, running feet outside'.

must get some sleep. day three of the five day a/b prescription tmrw.

What are your little demons gorgeous ds/dd's up to today? Mine has been mostly okay so far, he's been playing nicely. Only one tiny meltdown when he scribbled felt tip pen all over one of his toys (luckily it wiped off) and when I told him off he screamed in my face and threw said toy across the room. I told him we wouldn't be doing ABC this afternoon if he carried on and he duly said sorry and told me he was being a "good boy now". I'm now making coconut cake whilst mumsnetting

Well mine has only pooed on the floor three times today so not too bad really! Canthinkof1 mine is a nightmare since the arrival of his brother too. Think it must be an attention thing...Once found him sitting on his head to 'stop him crying'!!

Blimey, thread for me. DS (3.2) has always been energetic (think labrador), but currently pretty much nevrr sits stills, challenges everything, laughs in my face when I try to discipline him or reason with him, yells and throws - he has a good aim for other children's heads. He is big too (91st centile), which can make him quite scary. I am sure that there are mums in our circle of peers who avoid us deliberately. All this challenge with a month old DD too. Keep smiling and carry on....

Thanks :)

DS3 has done nothing but whinge on all weekend. Ether someone has looked at him the wrong way, touched him or my favourite one, his carrots were the wrong colour today. I mean, what other colour does he want carrots? Little grot that he is.

He has been a good boy the past two nights though after going to bed without a nappy on. He's been toilet trained for a while now, just not at night. So I suppose he does have some good moments.

Waves at DAISY too. Oh yes, the solemn apologies, that turn to dust. DS can scream and shout through his tears, "I a good boy Mummy" whilst running off naked to cause havoc, and emptying clean washing into nappy bucket.

Congrats on the birth of DD bikerunski :o sounds like a few dethronement ishoos going on. When DS2 was born, I remember DD doing anything she could to get my attention away from the baby.
My charmer has been hideous this afternoon (but had a great morning), bugging his siblings and wetting and soiling himself at least 6 times, then running away from DH when he was trying to get him cleaned up and getting chased from one end of the house to the other. Poor DH is suffering from a hideous chest infection on top of his asthma and has ended up in A&E tonight and I've been in bed all weekend with dehydration due to suspected IBD. I think he knows that he has us beat at the minute :( Fingers crossed that they don't keep DH in, as I don't have the energy to deal with him alone!

Had a pretty good day yesterday, he had me in fits with his tales. He told me that "Men and boys have winkies" and so I said "what do ladies and girls have then" and he said.....ummmm.....Ankles?

Having a nightmare getting him into bed though at the minute. Unless he falls asleep and we carry him up he just refuses to go. I stood my ground last night at half seven and a massive tantrum ensued even though i'd read two books and sang to him. I got rid of the dummies last week though so i'm trying to be sympathetic.

I started my day by provoking a huge fit of crying because i had the temerity to hand DD her juice rather than letting her come and get it herself!

I nearly cried when I found this thread! It's horrible that everyone who has posted is having issues with their toddlers behaviour, but I can't describe the relief that I'm not the only one!
My boy is 3.3, and he's always thrown stuff (never been able to get him to stop!) and been strong willed, but just lately he has been really really hard to control. He goes off on one at the slightest thing, for example if I go to put his shoes on he goes mad and screams for Daddy or vice versa, and he just says No to absolutely EVERYTHING we say to him. If he cant throw something when he's having a wobbly, then he hits himself instead... :(
We've been potty training him since Easter and he's still going through several pairs of pants a day having 'little accidents' and then finishing on the potty. Reward charts and stickers appear to have no meaning at all for him.
The worst is sleeping, he wakes several times a night and has a hissy fit when we put him back to bed. All in all we are becoming sleep deprived zombies who feel crap about our parenting skills and struggling to find a way to provide discipline for a toddler who will not listen....