Please help - don't know what to do with nearly five year old's awful behaviour

[corona]

My DS is in reception
He has always had a tendency to hit other children, we have tried everything under the sun and have recently settled on a "how to talk so kids listen" sort of approach, so talking to him about his behaviour, helping him with strategies, praising him to the skies if he does anything remotely good

Today he was picked up from school by his childminder who reported that he had apparently spat at a child yesterday and then twice today. He was kept out of lessons for the whole afternoon as a punishment. He ran away from her to the main road and when she said he couldn't watch tv he hit her twice

He saw DH and I have a big argument on Tuesday night (ie the night before the first spitting) which I think would have upset him, so it could be due to that, but what the hell do we do now? I have no idea how to deal with this and feel really down about it

he sounds very angry

you say you had an argument with DH - is there conflict often, are you tow not getting on well? sorry if intrusive

do you have other children?

tow two

No, not intrusive at all, there is obviously a link - I thought at the time, DS will react to this

No problems at home normally - he has always been like this - it is as if he has massive anger in him and I have no idea why

He has a one year old brother who takes up a lot of DH and my time - we have made a real effort recently to give DS1 more time, and his behaviour improved massively, but honestly, this behaviour far pre-dates DS2s arrival

the only thing that heps is NOT telling him off, but talking to him calmly and geiving him lots of attention, but this is a horrible place to be, I wonder if we need some sort of professional help, but what?

Speak to the school so you can all work together

My DS had a really rocky start in school last year - some horrid spitting incidents too

We met with the school and he spoke to the home/school liaison officer on a one to one basis which helped enormously

We all acted consistently and his behaviour has improved hugely

I do think it is a maturity thing as well

My DS is quite angry ... He his quite an emotional child and this manifests itself in anger and recklessness at times

I would consult sch nurse (assuming you are in England) and get pointers

Another point has occurred to me - has he had eye test/hearing check recently? It's sometimes not obvious when a child is coping with hearing loss/vison issues but they can impact on behaviour

PS I have an angry child and agree that calmness really helps x x x

It is so amazing to feel not alone with this, thank you both of you. DS1 is very emotional, he is very intense and I think he isn't able to manage his emotions, but obviously, this behaviour can't go on

He hasn't had a hearing test since he was born, might be worth looking into, thank you

oh, do you get folk interfering, saying ''oooh I WOULDN'T stand for that'' and wanting you to get all hard on his arse? So annoying

You are not alone

I do wonder if they are super- well not sensitive, but hyper-emotional, flooded with feelings all the time

[ponders]

anyway, mine is nearly ten, and still needs careful handling but is a really lovely child now (thank FUCK) but omg such hard work

Regular routines, early bedtimes, even in holiday times REALLY help, as overtired = lash out

YY to over tired!

DS behaves much better when he is well rested

You are not alone believe me ... My DS is wonderful, but his emotions run high and he just cannot manage them yet. I don't know where he gets it from

Consistency is key, one to one time as much as poss (which can be hard as I have a DD and I work FT) and rewards and extra praise for the good behaviour

Thank you, it really is the obvious stuff sometimes isn't it, he is exhausted at the moment - we need to do earlier nights I think and keep giving him lots of reassurance and affection