Is my 3yo normal or 'bizarre'

[Biscuitsandtea]

Hi, just looking for a bit of advice please!

When I picked DS (3.2) up from nursery the other day, just as we were leaving I asked the nursery nurse if he had been good and she said 'yes... you know... his normal self..... a bit bizarre....' .

This was just as we were leaving and it was only as we were walking home that I was mulling it over and started worrying what she meant by 'bizarre'?

We have a parents evening tomorrow so I will of course bring this up with her then (same nursery nurse) and I wonder if it was just an off the cuff comment that I've pondered on too much .

Anyway, what I think she means (after many hours of obsessing over it thinking it over and thinking back to previous things she's said when I've picked him up) is that sometimes he seems a bit 'distracted'? It's more noticeable in the afternoons (when he is tired - dropped his nap 1-2 months ago but still is v tired by teatime). But I find myself often having to repeat things to him, or having to work very hard to get his attention. I had figured this was just normal tired toddler behaviour, but as he is my only DC I really have nothing to compare it to. I mean obviously we socialise with other children and I've never noticed anything unusual about my ds, but I have no other experience to compare him to iyswim.

It's not like he is just naughty when tired - he just seems a bit disengaged.

Also when he's tired / being bizarre (?) he sometimes won't answer me properly. Not exactly being defiant or saying no, it's like he's just not processing the question properly.

I think his hearing is OK, although he's had a cold the last couple of weeks and in the car has complained of not being able to hear music that we might have on so I did wonder if there is a bit of an ear blockage but I thought I'd wait for his cold to clear and see if it goes too?

I'm 95% sure I'm overanalysing this but I'd just thought he was being a normal (if slightly annoying) toddler? But what is niggling away (and what I'll ask her tomorrow) is if there is some undesirable behaviour that I should be working harder to correct, or some underlying problem that they've spotted that I should be seeking help for?

I'd be grateful for any thoughts - thanks.

What you describe sounds perfectly normal for a toddler - maybe she just finds some of his interests eccentric?

Well, if he's eccentric. I'm blaming it on DH ;)

He zones out too when he's tired so maybe it's genetic!

Thanks for the reassurance though Octavia

he sounds perfectly normal to me, when you ask her tomorrow i'm betting she wont even remember exactly what she said and will proberably be mortified that she has upset you in this way, kids have selective hearing constantly, try quietly saying do you want a sweet and if he answers then his hearing is fine, joking apart if you are concerned about his hearing then speak to doctor to have it tested, my two were tested recently as teacher said my eldest was deaf, turns out fine but you cant help but worry, write down what you want to say to her when you see her, read it in the car before you go on so its fresh in your mind and i am sure your mind will be put at rest!

Ask her if she thinks there may be an underlying issue that needs further investigation.

It's a strange word to use about a toddler. I would go back and ask her what she meant. Not in an aggressive way, but just to clear up what she meant. She probably thought after you've gone "oops, used the wrong word here" and might be quite relieved to clear it up.

Ds has glue ear and sometimes he really has just not heard me, eg. if he's facing away I have to either bellow or get round in front of him.

I'm certainly going to follow it up with her tomorrow. Even if she didn't really mean 'bizarre' she must have meant that he isn't just 'normally well behaved' iyswim? So there must be something unusual that he does.

DeWe - what's glue ear if you don't mind my asking and what would the symptoms be?

Just googled glue ear - will keep an eye out to see if it looks like that!

Other than that I can only imagine it's his ability to zone out and talk nonsense that she means? See what she says tomorrow

Being a bit vacant when tired isn't really "bizarre".

Bizarre strikes me as something more eccentric - does he have some funny ways? She probably meant it in an affectionate way.

He probably does more eccentric things when tired too, like slightly odd singing, slightly away with the fairies? The odd maniacal bit of laughing about nothing apparent

Maybe he is eccentric....

Glue ear is basically wax stuck in the ear so they can't hear.(as a rough guide)

Ds's symptoms are noticable from years of practice though, the most obvious ones to me you wouldn't find in a list. .

If he really loses his hearing (he did a couple of times last winter where both ear drums perforated) then he stops speaking and reverts to signing.

When he's finding it hard to hear, he pats my arm a lot to get my attention, or wants to be picked up to be near my mouth, or if held, pats my cheek to turn it to me. We thought these were funny little "just him" but it stopped when he had his first set of grommets, and returned when they fell out. Unfortunately the second set either haven't been as successful or the lots of ear drum perforations last winter have permanently effected his hearing

You can also notice him following your mouth as he lip reads. He also reacts very badly to loud noises, they hurt his ears.

The other one is he tends to wake a lot a night, or early in the morning, because when he's got glue ear it clogs up when he's asleep and gets painful.

Aww DeWe bless your little DS .

I do hope it clears up for him soon. Thank you for the explanation though - I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for those sort of symptoms.

Just in case anyone was wondering, it was the 'vacant' thing that she meant by bizarre.

Not really sure what i can do / should do about it though as I have exactly the same issue with him and his daddy.

Did she want you to do anything about it?

No - she didn't seem to have any suggestions either

Is it possible that he is not actually awake when you think he is ?

He could be entering a pre-sleep phase where his mind is switching off ( bit like a very deep day-dream that he has no control over) but he is not in a situation where he can literally lay down and go to sleep therefore he physically looks as though he is awake but isn't.

Maybe pop to GP for sleep assesment and monitoring.

Maybe she wasn't mentioning it as a problem to be solved then - just a little comment on something he does.

ERM Glue ear has nothing whatsoever to do with ear wax! Its actually when the fluid in the inner ear is thickened, causing a dulling of the hearing. It is caused by badly draining eustachian tubes, and can be helped by having grommits inserted.
HTH.

Oooh I've never heard of the sleep / day dream thing. I think he is awake though, just distracted. He sleeps fine when he is supposed to be asleep though?

I don't know much but do remember a mum discussing it at a sleep-training course I was on.
My understanding is that a tierd child (or adult I guess) can have blank-outs as they extend their sleep cycle, babies sleep in 45 min cycles, ( often flowing two or three together) as they develop the sleep cycle lengthens - up to 90 mins and infants (should) become better adapted to re-settling themselves into the next 90 min cycle (ie no-longer waking in the night).

In the day-time the same cycles are running through the system, but the brain does not need to blank out, thus we stay awake, BUT in developing childrens' brains' they can become accustomed to blanking out where the cycles have become confused, usually at the very beginning of a sleep cycle.

This results in what looks like an awake child doing just small slightly odd things (that probably wouldn't look so odd if they were asleep - disconnected speech, blurting out a laugh).

I don't know much more, but I did get the impression it was a reasonably common problem (in the world of children with sleep problems) that could be resolved through sleep training.

He doesn't really have any sleep problems (has slept through from 3-4 mths apart from illness) and drops off to sleep easily ar night, but has just dropped his nap. Maybe if it is something like that it'll sort itself out as he gets more used to not having his nap?

Interesting thought though to look out for.

I think she was just being glib-3 yr old are often bizarre IME-my dd has a whole range of funny things she does. Her imagination is so crazy that she appears to be hallucinating sometimes. She talks to walls, adopts a different voice for every one of her cuddly animals, does silly dances spontaneously and laughs like a drain for reason at all. I quite often call her crazy child or a loony in an affectionate way. He sounds normal, I think you have picked up on the tired and distracted thing and made it part of this when in fact it isn't at all. Natural to worry but I very much doubt she meant anything by it.

I hope so - I never thought he was that unusual tbh. Or not before this anyway! He is a bit 'off the wall' when tired but the more I think about it, so is my DH. Now he's had 33 years to refine his weirdness and minimise it, so maybe it's the same sort of trait? DH will also totally zone everything else out if he is concentrating on something. Now ds isn't overtly concentrating on something identifiable when he does it (but who knows what's going on in a 3yo brain?) but I think it's that same 'zone out' function.

But yes - what you say about your dd lilac are the same 'sort' of things ds does. Not the same, but no more or less odd iyswim?

He'll just need to learn to manage it as he gets older!

My first thought was it was probably meant affectionately. Little people are often quite bizarre. When I took DD out of nursery when I gave up work, her key worker gave us a little progress report which began 'LittlePursang is aware that she is different from other children...'. WTF?! Although the lady that wrote it was mad on her so I don't think she meant too much by it. Still a bit odd though, although I will concede she is an odd child!

I think if it were a more 'serious' issue i.e. hearing difficulties etc. it would have been directly brought to your attention, although it may be worth getting tested. I'm guessing that struggling to hear could mean he's having to rely on entertaining himself in his own world, iyswim? Will put your mind at rest if nothing else (and DS will get a sticker from the ENT doc!).

Thanks for all the help everyone

pursang I think I'm going to wait for this cold to clear up in case that's blocking his ears a bit but may well get his hearing checked just in case. DH had problem ears when he was little so it might be sketching like that.

I wouldn't be too quick to assume there's anything wrong with his hearing. No problem getting it checked if you're concerned, however we were asked to check my DS' hearing when he started school at 4 because he wasn't listening well and the teacher wondered if he could hear. I told her I was 99% sure there was nothing wrong with his hearing - he might not "hear" me ask him to pick up his toys but could detect the opening of a packet of biscuits from the bottom of the garden. Anyway I took him to an audiologist and of course his hearing was fine - the doctor actually said that the mother usually knows if there is a hearing problem, and in this case we were dealing with a listening problem, which is harder to fix.

Some kids can just zone out very effectively. My DH still does this, so infuriating.