How can I get my 3yr old to play by herself more.....?

[Tw1nkle]

Hiya,
My 3yr old DD has never been very good at playing by herself - If I'm lucky, she might play for about 10 minutes day!
Other than that, she has to involve me in EVERYTHING!
Asking me to help her, join in, play shop.
She has zero concentration levels.
I have tried ignoring her (obviously keeping an eye on her though), but it just doesn't work - she gets whingy - I ignore that too, then she starts sobbing -I ignore that, then the whole loop starts again!!!
I really thuoght she might start wanting to play more now she's 3, but she has no interest in playing by herself at all.
I obviously love joining in the games with her, and helping her to learn, but I feel like I'm saying 'no' all the time now, just to force her to play on her own - it's getting me down now.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!

Have you tried starting her off with something then popping off to do something, maybe giving her an idea of what to do while you're gone. "See if you can finish this duplo tower while I wash up/Can you make lunch for dolly while i make myself a cup of tea?" Start just by leaving her a few minutes and build it up.

Will she play with friends without your involvement?

She won't play with any of her friends - she never has!!!
She's had plenty of opportunity, but always just stuck to me.

I'll give the starting off thing a try.....thank you!
I do suggest things to her, but don't actually 'start' them for her...so it might work!

Yep, teddingtonsmarchingband (love the name)'s advice is good. I think gently gently does it if they are used to having your attention all the time. Does she go to pre-school? How is she there?
I think a lot of it is their personality. DS wasn't good at playing by himself but got the hang of it, DD has been brilliant from almost day 1- partly I think she was left to it a lot earlier than DS, but partly it's personality.

Thanks Tgger, yes, DD is at nursery/pre-school 3 days a week - and has been since she was one.
She always follows the 'grown-ups' around there too.
They say she is getting better there at playnig by herself (the staff ratio has just changed now she's turned 3), but still will not play with the other children!

My DD2 is 3.3 and has always been fabulous at playing by herself. Oddly she has never really played with other children. This has changed in the last few weeks and she is now really interacting . From observing at playgroup/preschool/reception most small DC don't actually play with others, more alongside, so i wouldn't worry about that.

DD1 was dreadful at playing by herself and is just improving now at 5. If you have a large kitchen, can she do stuff at the table whilst you get on with things? I used to sit DD1 up at the table with jigsaws/craft/colouring/playdough and just chip in every now and then or she would play with her kitchen/shop and bring me things I asked for. Also she loved helping me do 'proper cooking/prep' and that helped me out!

I would try not to worry about it (I know, easier said than done...)

Does it bother you for practical reasons (you not being able to get anything done) or because you think she 'should' be playing by herself more?

If it is because you are trying to get stuff done, i would try to find practical ways around it - if you need to do the dishes, put the shopping away etc...can you 'involve' her in the things you are doing rather than having to stop what you are doing all the time to play shop etc...? Or just get used to not getting much done when she is awake/not at nursery and try to live with that?

I have one child who plays on his own a lot, and another who rarely did until 7 or so (and still prefers and audience/company/someone to spar with...). I don't think i've done anything hugely different with the two of them, they just had different preferences and personalities. I would give up trying to change them, on the basis of an external benchmark of how they 'should' be.

Hiya,
Thanks for all the comments.
She's a really happy little girl, so I'm overly concerned.

But her nursery are asking to get the health visitor involved, and the HV has requested another appointment to see her!

sorry, NOT overly concerned!!!

Aw, well if they have concerns I guess it's right that they follow through to check whether she needs more support re socialising etc.

She is still quite young to play with others- my DD does but mostly with older bruv and I remember DS starting a new pre-school at 3.2 and them having concerns because he didn't play with anyone- he warmed up to it gradually and is very sociable now .

I completely sympathise, my DS will not play by himself at all. He will watch a bit of TV if I need to do the washing up etc. but as soon as I am back in the room he is on at me to play. Now this is lovely, I am trying to enjoy every minute before he goes to school but I do worry as some of my friend's DCs play quite happily by themselves. When my DS goes to the loo he still attempts to keep a conversation going with me! He will play with others but me or his dad would always be his preferred playmates. I have come to the conclusion that it is a combination of his personality and how we have interacted with him as an only child. Bit shocked that nursery are suggesting HV involvement tbh. If you find any magic answers then please do share, I wouldn't mind a cuppa and a flick through a magazine every now and then ("but mummy, you can put your tea there and we can still play!").