At my wits end with discipline issues for DS ages 10 and 5

[Barnebear]

Help please! I am totally at my wits end with both DS and the issue of discipline. I have tried reward charts, star charts, letters from Santa, and I have tried hard and soft consequences, super nanny tactics, screaming, shouting and even smacking :(. Nothing is working with either of them. Both talk back to me constantly. They ignore me, defy me and even threaten me. I'm 46 years old and quite a strong person normally, so why can I not get them to listen, and behave? Unfortunately, older son is borderline aspergers and I suspect little one is dyslexic. These issues don't help. I should add that I am a teacher (adults) and am now taking a qualification in SEN to try to help both kids and my students. But this morning, my blood pressure nearly blew completely, at the usual Monday morning issues. I put everything ready the night before and do all the prep I can, but I cannot make them get washed, dressed, teeth done, shoes on, bags, coats and into the car on time.

I have no fix all solution but, just based on your post, perhaps you have used too many methods? How long do you try each one for?

I would pick one method (for this age I might try taking away and giving back toys or posessions - each time they're naughty a toy goes in the box, when they're good they can chose one to get back.) and stick to it for a good length of time, at least a month, before reviewing it.

Then pick specific behaviours to focus on. Children who are often naughty or difficult to control may feel 'I get shouted at for everything' so its worth deciding, what is really important to me? Personally I would highlight doing as your told when your told, no bad language, no aggressive behaviour. Its not about letting stuff go, youre just drawing a very clear line. Its also a way of taking attention away from back talk and rudeness.

Hope that helps.