Fighting teenage daughters have me at my wits' end!

[angelcakes8]

My nearly 13 and nearly 16 year old daughters physically fight on nearly a daily basis. The youngest is quite irritating at times and goads or tells tales and the oldest loses her temper and belts her one and full blown wrestling /boxing match ensues looked-on by 6 year old little brother. When they are not fighting they are generally insulting each other and eldest openly declares her hate for the other calling her an idiot and worse. This has been going on for years and I really hoped they would have grown out of it by now. HAve tried ignoring them, removal of priveleges (internet, phone, allowance, etc), the classic shouting and threatening , also the sit down and have a civilised discussion where I have tried to point out the repurcussions of little brother witnessing domestic violence and foul language on a daily basis but nothing seems to work. I fought with my brother regularly but not at this age so I can relate a little. Generally they are lovely girls, well behaved at school and social events but behave like banshees behind closed doors and it seems to be getting worse! There are glimmers of The Waltons on occassion so I'm not quite ready to call in outside help yet but it is affecting all our lives including my poor husband who only really feels equipped to deal with our son. HELP?!

Personally I think you have it under control teenagers are a nightmare teenage sisters loooooook out!

If one sister was being bullied do you think the other would stick up for her and protect her? If the answers yes I would say it's all normal stuff if no i would look for a plan of action to bring them closer.

All above is just MHO by the way

I wouldn't tollerate the physical violence. I think arguing and general disagreement is somewhat normal but I don't think wrestling/boxing is on. I would sit them down and tell them what will happen next time, make it painful and carry it through. Otherwise I think you should look for outside help.

If they are physically fighting, I would have a word with your local neighburhood police and get them to sit the DD's down and explain that they are assaulting each other and that it is a criminal offence for which they can both be arrested.

Might frighten them out of it.

Bucket of nice cold water and to heck with the carpets.

Or wade in and put them both in a cold shower together.

Who is the younger one telling the tales to? If she is going to you then I would be examining the role you are playing in all of this. She is getting something out of the tale telling. How do you respond if you are her audience?

er... have you got any helpful relatives/friends who could start taking one of them for weekends regularly? ie so perhaps nearly every weekend they are away from each other? essentially they sound like they need to find their place in the world and the family beyond just being foils to the other, get a bit of perspective on the rest of the world and what reasonable behaviour is and maybe need a bit of tlc where there is room to be positive and be praised, - and you all sound like you need some space! sounds bloody claustrophobic.

agree in looking at your (and tier father's) role in continuing this triangle, you're all stuck in some destructive cycle. puberty is a fucking nightmare tho, the competitiveness of siblings in your teens is full on. i hated my sisters until i was about 18 and they were in their 20s.

I would definitely go hard on the physical stuff, that's not on...Maybe try something to bring them together for a common cause- force them into some activity or something where they will need to co-operate to succeed, might show them that they can get on together. I think a lot of it may just be normal though- I fought absolutely terribly with my sibling when we were around ten-thirteen but we eventually just grew out of it- Hang on!

I would start a zero tolerance policy with both verbal and physical and explain to them that whoever says/ does the first Nasty thing has to leave the room immediately.
At least they can't hit each other if they are in different rooms :)

I would put a pile of 10 pound notes on the kitchen worktop and let them know they can share the money in 31 days time - but every time they fight then 10 will be taken away - regardless of who starts the fight.

Do not accept that your husband doesn't feel he can help. He must help. I'm the eldest of five girls with only 9 years between me and the youngest.

Believe me, better that they are fighting each other than being the best of friends and ganging up on you. That's what we used to do to my mum

2 of my Dd's bicker and squabble constantly, they are 17 and 10. Luckily it doesnt get physical too often but I do have a zero tolerance for physical stuff because of the age difference, if Dd2 really hit Dd3 she could seriously hurt her.

Any physical stuff gets them imediately sent to their rooms as does insulting each other.

It is exhausting though. I have been tough on Dd2 this weekend because she does start most of it. We have had a much better day today.

If you could try to work on the Dd who starts most of the trouble you might have more luck. If I can get Dd2 to leave Dd3 alone things are alot more peaceful.

Good luck