Disciplining other people's children, YIKES

[HamblesHandbag]

My nephews are due to visit later and I'm dreading it.

They are 4 and 6, as are my two.

Last time, they got quite naughty silly and it was really stressful For example, drawing with felt tip on the coffee table, then doing it again after having been told not to. The younger one went rummaging in some wardrobes and helped himself to unopened face paints and nail varnish (which I found on the carpet, luckily not a visible colour). There was lots of screaming and whining about wanting to do stuff they couldn't, going on and on and on, and they are much more physically confident than my two, particularly my youngest, which means there is lots of rough play, wrestling, pushing and shoving.

I'm really confident with discipling my own children, and they would never behave like this, or continue to do something after being told not to.

With my own children, I would do warnings and sanctions, e.g. removed from the room or take a sticker off the reward chart, but I very rarely have to resort to these.

I think my SIL is at a loss as to how to deal with their unruliness and lets a lot of things go... Also, they used to pay attention to me when I asked them firmly/sternly, not to do whatever, but they just ignore me now. Towards the end of their last visit my eldest was starting to ignore me too.

This is making me really sad as I do love my DNs, but I don't want them to come if they trash my house and make me feel like screaming

So any tips on how to deal with other children breaching boundaries in your house? My SIL will be here with them, which makes it more difficult to step in.

TIA

When they get to you, could you get all the kids (including yours) in front of you and tell them what is out of bounds and any behaviour that is not acceptable - eg drawing anywhere with felt tips, no rough and tumble etc etc

Then try to have a few things that they can do reasonably nicely.

Finally have a mini reward chart for the day for all four kids and a space for each half hour (or whatever time would work) that they get a smiley face for playing nicely in that time. Plus spaces for extra bonus smileys when they are doing nice things. Have a small reward for them all at the end if they get a certain number of smileys. And maybe an extra treat for the person with the most. And if anyone does naughty things they can get up to 3 grumpy faces or big black Xs which will knock out smiley faces. Plus sanctions so eg getting 3 Xs means naughty step or whatever you think is appropriate.

My ds's (6 & 3) adore chocolate coins / pumpkins etc so I tend to stock up around Halloween (or rather when they are half price afterwards!) and Xmas and find they are very useful for ongoing bribery!

I'd also get your sil involved so you can both dish out smileys or Xs - announce it while she is there and say that 'we are ...' all the time so she can't help but be involved. She might be grateful to be somewhere where there is a framework for telling her kids off as she might just be too worn down to do it there again she might not care, you know your sil. But if you state my house my rules very clearly at the start they can't really complain!

Good luck!

that's a great help, thank you. I'm racking my brains as to what rewards are in my cupboards now!

Zipzap's advice sounds excellent. Are there any lockable rooms in the house where you can stash stuff or that you can prevent them going in? Plus taking them out to a park or something might help. They sound like they have excess energy to work out!

yeah, take them to something exhausting - park, swimming, a big soft play place... good luck :)

thanks for all the advice. as it turned out, the visit was short and they played beautifully for the most part.

And I'm prepared for next time!