my 4 year old has changed

[StaceJJ]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone could give me any tips or advice, but, since going to school in September, my 4 year old son has changed, gone has the lovely little boy I remember picking up from Nursery. Now he is moody, acting very spoilt (ruined), wants everything his own way and then creates when he cant have things his own way. He is currently having time out because he "kicked off" as he wanted something and I said no.......... It is beginning to drive me insane......... help!!!!!

This sounds as though it could have been written by me!! My son is also currently doing time on the step. I dont have any advice I'm afraid but I'll be watching this thread closely for any tips.

my son is also 4 and behaving the same way. he didnt go to the school nursery, so i'm comforting myself with the fact that having lost control of his wee life (us pulling him from nursery/sending him to school) he's trying to gain control back at home, hence the contrary and controlling behaviour. i think he feels like he's being constantly told what to do, constantly tyring to work out what he's meant to be doing, and i think he's f*ing exhausted. so i'm trying to give him lots of chill out time, early nights, and letting him choose what we have for tea, what game we play, whether to bath or shower etc. it's helping, he's now pretty civilised friday-sunday. still a nightmare mon-thurs tho. here's hoping they get back to their ol selves over the xmas hols!

hi, i think this is very common, my d.s has started school too and whilst he is well behaved there he is not exactly naughty at home, but is hyper active, loud and lairy. My mate's d.s is the same and another's d.d who has also started school now just screams if she doesn't get her own way. i suppose it's a big change for them, lets hope the behaviour changes aren't permanent!!

My ds1 went to the school Nursery, but had a very, very hard time with Reception. Suddenly relationships changed and there was (a little) academic pressure and 'sorting' into groups. I don't know what to say really except to give him a little more leeway. He is probably kicking off because he is unhappy. Figuring out why he is unhappy is the crucial bit. It took me most of a year last year, and it was hideous. I'm not sure I cracked it. My ds1 was getting up v v early (sometimes 4.30am) and getting into trouble at school/ being sent out of the class for messing around all the time, not eating properly. It was difficult. Just to say it is a huge adjustment for them. Try talking with him more and having 'special time' with him in the evening maybe at bedtime and taking him 1:1 if you can at the weekends.

PS. Spending 1:1 time with his Dad can revolutionise my ds from a hyper, hitty, wound-up kid into a lovely, relaxed little boy. And yes, the holidays were always lovely. I used to dread hols when he was in Nursery (having to entertain him all day everyday with young twins!), but now he's in school I look forward to the hols as much as him - time for him to recuperate and rediscover his true self!

Are you posting about my son who also just started school? It's making me' really . Tonight he asked why he couldn't come home on the train with me. I explained and he seemed ok then out of nowhere he erupted with a dramatic toddler tantrum and sat crying for 5 minutes. I just walked away as it makes me' feel angry. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my little boy- I know I'm being hard on him with my reactions I.e this behaviour is unacceptable but I can't watch him behave so badly about utter nonsense. I'm at a bit of a loss too....

DS1 is in Year One and we went through all of this last year! It's a massive change for them and for you, we had tantrums and tears and unbelievably bad behaviour. It got better after Christmas but to be honest the whole of Reception was hard work. I remember thinking it would never end, but it does, I promise!

It's so exhausting for them, it's a complete change of scene, of friends and of expectations of behaviour. Lots of early bed, as many cuddles as possible and absolutely no extra demands (i.e. this is not the time to start swimming lessons or learning an instrument!) I vividly remember getting to work after a horrendous drop off one morning and just bursting into tears on a colleague.

It will get better - I look at Reception parents at our school and think 'Poor buggers'.

I think it's sometimes made even trickier as a lot of boys (apparently) have a testosterone surge aged 4, which can also cause some changes in character/behaviour. I'd imagine they are also very tired, even if used to nursery/preschool it's a big change, and tiredness always affects my ds' behaviour...he either becomes very manic and hyper, or super stroppy!

This sounds very normal. All of mine have been grumpy, miserable, exhausted etc during their first term in reception. I found this gradually improved after Christmas.
The only advice I can give is to keep activities to a minimum after school and get him to bed as early as possible! Not much help I know!

Hmm, you sure your not talking about my four year old daughter!

Exactly the same for me! I put it all down to tiredness and the fact she is no longer No 1 as there are 20 other kids in her class!!

I have heard they have a big testosterone surge at about 4, add to that starting school etc, can't be easy for them.