Help - 7yo DD having friendship problems!

[BridgetJonesPants]

I'm looking for some advice on how to help DD, she seems to have real problems interacting with her friends. She doesn't have a special best friend at school, but does have friends - although she keeps telling me she doesn't have any true friends who really care about her.

She seems to be fine when playing with friends on a 1:1 basis, but as soon as another child comes along, she seems to withdraw. For example, this morning she was walking down to school with classmate, everything was fine & dandy. However, when a 3rd girl joined them DD refused to walk along with the other 2 girls and said they were talking about her. I know they weren't (I could hear them talking) but DD refused to believe me and walked the rest of the way to school on her own. This type of thing has happened before and I've tried to talk to DD and suggest that she needs to make an effort to join in with her friends, but her normal reply is that they're not true friends. I find it so sad that a 7 year old can have such negative feelings and am worried what it might lead to in the years ahead. She is an only however is very close to her cousins and plays away fantastic with them.

I've tried talking to her on numerous occasions about friendships in general and that they're a 2 way system etc, but we never seem to get anywhere as everything is always someone else's fault. She doesn't want to play with local children anymore (who are also in her class). I've asked if she wants to invite a school friend who doesn't live locally home for a play date, but the girls she would like to come have after school activities on the one day DD is free.

Most of the time, she's a fantastic little girl and I love her dearly. However, I can see another side to her that I really don't like, she can be spiteful, jealous and arrogant when she feels like it.

Any ideas where to go next, how should I approach this, what should I say to daughter? No use talking to DP as he always comes up with an excuse for DD's behaviour....although not in front of her, just to me......aggghhhh.

Thanks for listening.

WHy is DD only free on one day? Is she really busy on 6 nights a week?

That aside it would seem like a possiblity that your DD is maybe looking for pity a little bit? Inventing a slight when there is none...is it possible do you think that she's learned that this kind of thing gets her a lot of attention from you?

And lastly....have you spoken to her teacher? Checked the truth of the matter out from an outsider view?

My sister had some trouble with my niece at this age...I think it's very common for them to have some problems now....they're maturing at different rates..and reorganse their friendships little bit...bt that goes on and on for years apparently!

I also have a 7 year old dd and know how dramatic they can be!

Thanks for your reply - she is dramatic and I also think she does look for attention. Maybe if she'd been walking down to school with another mum, she would have joined in the conversation with the other 2 girls!

She has activities 3 nights p/w, is at GP's another & we normally do family things at w/end so thats why there's only really one free night p/w for play dates. However, if she really wanted friend over for play dates, things could be juggled - but she doesn't seem that bothered, it's always been my suggestion.

Interestingly, we have parents night at school next week and one of the things DD wants to discuss is friendship - so that could be interesting.

Maybe I am just worrying too much and hopefully she'll eventually listen to me (or someone else) and realise she has to make more of an effort with friendships herself.

Being a mum can be really crap at times, but then I look at her and think how lucky I am to have my DD :), dramas and all!

Yes...we all try to analyze everything...I do! I have to shake myself sometimes and stop myself stressing about my DD....they are who they are after all!