how can i get dd (4) to listen/hurry/get ready for school?

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dd swings from angel to nightmare, most bad behaviour like screaming/shouting/hitting are at night when sh is tired and jealous of baby sister getting attention of dp.
but now im having real trouble getting her to school on time as she wont do as she is told and seems to go as slow as possible doing everything.
i feed dd2 at 6.45-7, then get myself up and dressed, then wake dd1 at 7.30 if she hasnt got up and help her wash, then i ask her to get dressed into uniform that is laid out ready while i get dd2s clothes out and prepare breakfast. she just stands there in a dream world maybe puts her pants on but is so slow then stands there till i tell her to get her trousers on then she is staring out the window so i have to nag nag nag. then at breakfast she stops between each mouthfull and just stares around so again im nag nag nag.
then i need to do dd1s hair and she screams and shouts and just as we are leaving the house she needs the toilet but jut sits there for ages then takes about 10 mins to come back.
this mroning we were 10 mins late leaving and she was stood there in her socks so i said shoes and coat on while i get the pushchair, se just stood there, so i got my coat andshoes on, she still standing there, so i said again dd shoes and coat we are late while im putting dd2 in pushchair and gettign homeowrk/lunch etc, dd1 still standing gawping about.
i ended up shouting at her put on your shoes now and then she cried and put on her coat and shoes and we left late agin.
i know she wants me to mollycoddle her and dress her, take her to the toilet, put on her coat and shoes but i dont have time to do everything and and i dont feel i should need to at 4.4
am i being too harsh?
expecting too much?
can i speed up the worlds slowest child?
help

Wish I could help, I can only share your pain - for me it's with DS1. Since starting school I've seen more jealousy with DS2 (2yo) and DS1 seems to act up because of that. I see he is quite tired sometimes but the complete lack of any sense of urgency is exasperating!

Everything we've tried seems to work for a couple of days - reward charts (i always swore against these!) and a stopwatch/race approach did help, also meeting up with their friend for the walk to school (appreciate this is risky) - bribery not so much, so that was a lesson.

Will watch in the hope someone can offer a magic wand moment!

yes i tried rewards charts and racing against me but the novelty has worn off and she isnt really bothered if she is late.

I find the promise of "milkshake" tv works well for little girls who are fully dressed and have their hair brushed.....

I'll be trying that tomorrow then - Fridays are always the hardest! I need to deal with sticking up hair for DS1 rather than the nightmare of brushing so I think I get that a bit easier!

Have you tried getting her up when you get up? The extra time might give her the slack she needs to get herself organised. It sounds like she's having a bit of a baby-regression, perhaps because of the baby?

She may also be finding school hard work and her dilatoriness in the mornings is her way of trying not to go. Does she like school?

Sorry, no words of wisdom here but OP your post describes my almost 3 yo DD to a t! She has no other siblings though.

It can be infuriating when you are in a rush,can it not? We don't seem to get anywhere on time these days.

She seems to have her head on the clouds sometimes, but mostly gets distracted by other things - books, a beam of light, an old toy she's seen a million times before, leaves on the ground on the way to nursery, EVERYTHING is terribly interesting and nothing she is doing can be interrupted.

This is us every time we need to go out -
Me: We are off, come on DD.
DD: But I have to finish (looking through window/putting beads into box/ combing doll/whatever) first!

My DN (now 13) was the same, and still is to a degree. It may just be a personality thing. My sister would go mad, I used to think it was cute . Then I had my own little procrastinator

I go with the flow and just dress dd myself....

At 4 imho they're still very little and whilst they can dress etc themselves, if you're in a rush you might as well help and avoid the stress. Of course they'll get there eventually, but mollycoddle at bit and everyone is happier.

nb by 11 and 9 yr olds manage fine... :)

Agree absolutely that it's really hard with a younger dc as well. Maybe you could baby them BOTH until the older one is ready to realise that being older is more fun and not just a chore.

sorry, MY 11 and 9...

I put DS's uniform on an airer in his room on the radiator, so it's nice and warm to get into.

He can watch telly once he is ready for school, so he is quite keen to be up and done before Pokemon comes on :)

I have a reward chart on my iPad for DS who is 4. He wakes up and gets dressed right away. He does this as he can't get breakfast until he is dressed. Reward charts didn't work for us really. But now I have changed strategy. He used to coddle getting coat and shoes on, but now does it in a flash to get a star on the chart. He can then cash in his stars when he wishes. He is saving up for a cinema trip right now. But he can cash in daily if he wants. .....5 for some iPad time, 10 for a movie, 20 for soft play etc. So he can see and feel the reward for being good daily.

His tasks are minimal, like getting dressed, tidying bedroom at the end of day etc. but he can earn 25 stars a day if he is on the ball.

I have no advice really, but I feel your pain DD is the same age and exactly the same. Sometimes I think she's just in a world of her own.

I just end up heloing her or we'd never get to school on time, I also think she's still quit little really and does need help when tired. She's also very tired at the moment school is really wearing her out.

dp is a nightmare, late for everything, will stop to water a plant as we are heading out, once me and dd1 sat in the car wondering where he was and he noticed his shoes were dirty cleaned them then cleaned a few more pairs while we were sitting in the car, he has no sense or priority or urgency and i fear dd1 is exactly the same.
yes we all have to wait while she brushes dolls hair, when she gets in her carseat she stops to look out the window instead of letting me fasten her quickly even if its pouring of rain.
this morning it was spotty clothes day and a disco at school and she was early so i think she is going slow to delay school, she loves school learning and playing but hates going in as she is shy and gets clingy every day.

Am I allowed to say take her to school in pyjamas? She is still little at 4 but if you've tried sticker charts then perhaps its time for tough love. If she is jealous of the baby she needs to see she cant get your attention by being slow. At the moment she is in charge because she dictates when you leave.

I would say 'we are leaving at 8. You need to be dressed and have eaten by then. If you are I will be so so please at my grown up girl. But if you're not then we're going to school anyway because I don't like being late.'

Encourage her as she does it but don't nag if shes not. If she stands around in her knickers for 5 mins before thinking to put her top on, so be it.

If it happens, put her uniform and a hairbrush in the car, drive her there (or until she says stop) and help her put her uniform on. I very much doubt she'd do it again once she knows your serious.

This method does have a downside if your child is the class clown or attention seeking (I'm not saying yours is op) as they may happily wander into their classroom in their jamas. Its your call whether you think she would do this!

we walk to school and i wouldnt take her out in her nightee as she would freeze so not really an option. but i like it