6YO boisterousness around 1YO

[gourd]

6YO niece rather boisterous around my now 14MO daughter. Last family visit she was told off several times for deliberately throwing Duplo blocks at my child, bouncing a huge beach ball off my child's head whilst my daughter was eating her lunch etc. She also deliberately wiped food on my partner, I assume just for some attention. Several family members have commented in the past that her attention seeking behaviour may be linked to childcare arrangements being a bit haphazard and she spends a lot of time at her grandparents and at other carers. Her father does not live with her either. Whether any of these factors affect her behaviour in that way, I don't really know, but I am dreading their next visit as I cannot leave my niece and my daughter in the same room without me being there, so making drinks for parents, cooking etc is really, really difficult even though my partner is there trying to mitigate disaster at all times!

My parents don't do anything, even when the other niece (niece 1's sister) who is under a year old falls over and bangs her head, or when niece 1 picks up niece 2 roughly and plops her down so that she bags her head, so I can't trust them to stop accidents involving my own daughter. I have asked niece 1 to be gentle and have several times specifically asked her to stop doing something to my daughter, or too close to her, but she just finds something else to do that is potentially harmful to my baby. My sister doesn't always come with them but last time she was there and she did tell niece 1 off when she saw her do something, but sometimes, what I consider to be unacceptable behaviour around babies is ignored or somehow not seen. I tried to engage niece in conversation and we even managed a bit of play although getting her to play gently with my daughter wasn't possible. She is a very nice little girl when she has full attention from an adult, but it is very difficult to play with her all the time when I have my own 1YO demanding attention. My partner ends up doing a lot of entertaining of niece in order that she does not do something potentially harmful to our daughter but this isn't 100% successful either.

I suppose I ought to start with talking to sister about what is going to hapen next time they come... but I would like some advice please.

No your ideas of what's correct around a baby or toddler is correct....my DD is just turned 7 and in NO way would she have ated like that at 4, 5 or 6! No way. A 6 year old knows exactly what's right and wrong with regards to playing with a baby.

Mine play carefully with my friends baby boy....they'd never hurt him or bounce a bal off his head!

I think if I were you, I would try getting a bit cross...not shouting but definately stern words...your parents aren't doing it are they and it needs to be done. Another way of looking at this is to see a year old desperate for attention....could you try flattering er a bit..maybe telling her that's she's DDs fave and that she is more pleased to see her than anyone....and also have something ready for your neice to do...such as basic craft activity...maybe get her to paint and make a rattly toy for your DD...or make smple Christmas decorations...at 6 she should be able to do a craft more or less alone....just help with cutting out....and then flatter the hell out of her efforts.

Poor kid...my DD has a naughty friend who is really a lovely girl but VERY neglected by her parents.

I'd be picking up my 14m old and carrying her around with me to keep her safe if I had to leave the room.
I do have boisterous children so I recognise all that sort of thing as possible with my lot. Especially 7yo DS who can go completely doolally, and tends to be too rough.
It's hard from OP description to know what the boisterous child needs, but fundamentally, all OP can do is keep her child safe.

Thank you. The idea about having a specific activity for my niece to do might help - perhaps she is bored and flattering her definitely works!! I do wander round holding my LO but she is a HUGE weight and also quite an independent soul - she usually wants to be allowed to roam, and will only put up with being carried about/restrained in one room for so long before she wants to explore! We really MUST both be more vocal about what we expect and what we wont put up with in terms of behaviour though - it is our house after all. Thanks again.