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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

And how old was your co-sleeping child when they moved to their own bed?

27 replies

HappyNewFrannyandZooey · 03/01/2006 17:57

Following on from the other thread about moving to a bed from a cot, just wondered at what age your little co-sleeper decided to move out of the family bed, or did you make the decision yourself?

I can't decide whether to get a bed ready for ds and wait for him to announce he wants to move into it (could be a long old wait tbh), or whether to wait till I think he is ready and then go out and get the bed, with lots of fuss and excitement and "what a big boy you are now" etc.

He's 2.9 btw. Dp and I honestly don't mind if he stays in our bed, but there are certain advantages when he does decide to leave. I also want it to be a positive thing for him, not something that happens before he is ready. Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

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Hulababy · 03/01/2006 18:03

We moved DD into her own room when we moved house at 16 months. She didn't spend the whole night in her own bed until 20 months though.

sweetkitty · 03/01/2006 18:05

Put DD in a cot at 9 months but when she woke at night would take her into bed with us, decided to do this as she was rolling about and it was getting dangerous for her.

At 15 months we did a sort of controlled crying and put her in her own cot in her own room. This has worked brilliantly. The reasons we wanted to move her into her own cot/room was that I was pregnant and also she is a nightmare to sleep with, would headbutt/kick/punch and roll into you so none of us were getting a good nights sleep. Intend to co-sleep with DD2 when she is born until she is at least weaned off the breast.

Original poster

HappyNewFrannyandZooey · 03/01/2006 18:16

Has anyone let their child decide when to move into their own room?

OP posts:

Eulalia · 03/01/2006 18:59

We've done a partial move.... well I should say 'I' as dh doesn't sleep in the big bed but he moved out years ago before we even had kids as he snores so badly! We've still managed to have 3 kids though! with the use of the sofa bed.

Anyway ds1 moved into his own bed round about the time he turned 3. I had him and dd in together with me, one on either side. ds had previously been in his own bed but regressed for awhile when the new baby came along.

That baby is now 3.8 and is being veeeery slow about staying in her own bed. I got her own bed when she was 3 which she really liked but wouldn't sleep in it. I didn't push it but she managed to sleep in it one night when I was in hospital having ds2 5 months ago. Since then we've moved forward to settling her in her own bed then she wakes which can be as early as 11pm or as late as 4am and she has managed to stay there all night a couple of times.

As she's getting so big I'd really like her to sleep on her own but trouble is her bed is right next to mine and it's easy for her to climb in.

So... I'd say it could be a long process but depends on the child, he may just decide he's big enough one time and go for it. I would say around age 3 is a good age to try as they do seem to get a bit more independent then. good luck.

Original poster

HappyNewFrannyandZooey · 03/01/2006 19:19

Thanks Eulalia, you don't meet many people who have done it so I am not sure what to expect. We have talked about it and he says he would like his own bed but I think what he really wants is a bed with bed frame to bounce on, as we only have a futon on the floor! I have told him he can move 'his' little futon into the other room and sleep there, but he didn't fancy that idea.

Not sure whether to press on at this point or leave things to develop.

OP posts:

Piffle · 03/01/2006 19:26

I was on my own as a single parent but ds moved out at 5 yrs old.
He did have odd nights in his own room thoug and happily took daytime naps in it

Original poster

HappyNewFrannyandZooey · 03/01/2006 19:35

Was it his choice Piffle? Did you feel a bit bereft when he was gone?

OP posts:

TeddyRobinson · 03/01/2006 19:43

Someone I know still has her son in bed and he's 8 - he may never decide to go!

I don't know how you get any sleep - I can't stand it if ours come in and they get taken straight back!

Yummymummy24 · 03/01/2006 19:43

My 5yr old still tries to get in my bed and is very jealous of my new co sleeping baby. Wish i'd made him sleep in his own bed at 2 as he is a bit insecure about being alone at night sometimes. Think i was a bit selfish as i was a sinlge mum at the time and let him stay in cos i liked it. I will be trying hard with new baby to get him sleeping independantly asap it saves a lot of heartache in the long run in my experience.

hana · 03/01/2006 19:45

dd was in a bed at about 15 months - we had been cosleeping but only from when she woke up in the middle of the night until morning ( she always went to bed in her cot) I thought her being in her own bed meant that she could get out of her bed and come into us......she is still doing it at 4 !!

her younger sister has never been in our bed!

good luck

7777777 · 03/01/2006 20:12

i had 1st ds now 11 sharing with me till bout 4ish, i was single parent so didnt bother me, quite liked it. was good when he decided to move tho, the bed seemed huge!now have 14month old sharing, he shares the bedroom so i got in the habit of leaving him in my bed instead of keep going to the cot every 2hours at nite, il let him decide when to move to bed. as we share a room it mite never happen!

blueshoes · 03/01/2006 20:16

FrannyandZoey, does ds have a sibling? Instead of moving him into his own bed, an alternative is to move him into a bed with his sibling. If it works for you/ds, I believe there are studies which show that siblings who share a bed get along better. This is what I intend to do long term if I can manage to get a sibling for my co-sleeping dd 2.3, unless she asks for her own bed before that time.

Glad you are so thoughtful about easing ds from your bed. Like you said, not many people co-sleep by choice (rather than through gritted teeth) - I will be watching this thread with interest.

lilybubble · 03/01/2006 20:49

Interesting thread. My dd is 2y 5m and still co-sleeps with me. DH is another on the sofabed because this way we all get a good night's sleep. I didn't choose to co-sleep, and tbh do wish that dd would sleep in her own bed, but she's a strong-minded little girl and I'm pretty sure we will wait for her to want to sleep in her own bed.

We recently made spare bedroom properly into "her room" and while she loves it, she's not ready to sleep there yet. Also, as I work full-time and time is precious, I have been a bit lazy about encouraging her into there really. Fingers crossed it won't be too long. I only know of one other family "in real life" who have co-slept with their kids, and they absolutely loved it, kids moved out of their own accord around the age of 4, but still (age 9 and 6) occasionally sleep in their parents bed.

Original poster

HappyNewFrannyandZooey · 03/01/2006 22:22

No, we have no other children as yet (and co-sleeping and breastfeeding arrangements are one factor that have made us wait so far before trying for another).

I truly, honestly don't have a problem with it at the moment - although usually would like a little more sleep - however not sure how relaxed I will be about it by the time he is 8 (gosh, that is quite unusual, isn't it?).

We cope mostly by having an outlandishly vast bed - originally a super kingsize futon, now topped up with another double futon next to it. However we still seem to end up all squashed into the same 3 foot of it by the morning

It's very interesting to read what other people have done, please keep your stories coming.

OP posts:

ruty · 03/01/2006 22:26

my ds is 15 months and he still co sleeps with us. Dh shares his nights between us and the spare room, but more often with us now, which i prefer obviously! It is the only way we all get a decent nights sleep. If we get pregnant again i'm not sure what we'll do. I still breastfeed him, only at night, when he wakes up, so it still makes sense at this point. I think it will be hard to make the change tho.

ruty · 03/01/2006 22:27

me and dh are a bit squashed tho, i've forgotten what its like to sleep with space!

Piffle · 04/01/2006 13:29

Was it his choice ummm sort of and sort of not
I was in a new relationship and as my do was working overseas we only saw him at weekends, when ds was at his dads house.
But I knew we would be moving in with do when he moved back to the UK so I prepared ds gradually
We did not experience any stress, but there are nights I did miss his little warm body, childrens faces when they're asleep are just edible and when the little sleepy faces wake up...
Bless it was the end of an era I guess.
DD has never slept with us really, except for when she has been ill. she hasn't wanted too, I did try when she was little but she likes her won space.

suedonim · 04/01/2006 15:53

Dd moved out of our bed at about 2.5yrs. I was abroad for two weeks and dh decided he'd try putting her in her cotbed while I wasn't there. She slept fine but as soon as I came home she wanted to be back in our bed; of course we knew she was perfectly capable of sleeping in her own bed by then so that little ruse didn't work! She hasn't had a 100% record in her own bed since then, but she rarely comes in in nowadays, just if she's poorly or had a bad dream.

saadia · 04/01/2006 16:07

Ds1, 4 next month is still with us while ds2, nearly 2 is in a cot next to the bed.

He's been OK about this but sometimes cries in the middle of the night asking for a cuddle. Dh and I both like this arrangement as we would miss the boys if they were in their own room and it's just really fun all being together, but I do feel that the quality of ds1's sleep would improve if he was trained to sleep separately. I'm just being a wimp about doing anything about it. We plan to get them in their own room some time this year.

ruty · 04/01/2006 16:42

no jealousy from ds 2 then saadia? This is my worry if another baby comes along...

aviatrix · 04/01/2006 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

saadia · 04/01/2006 17:54

No ruty, no jealousy (yet). When ds2 was born the advice was against newborn co-sleeping so he went in the Moses Basket then cot and was able to settle himself to sleep, unlike ds1.

He still does this very easily for his afternoon nap, but at bedtime he has been very difficult lately as he wants to stay downstairs and play and dh often lies with him in the bed until he falls asleep, then puts him in the cot. We sometimes bring him into the bed if he wakes at night but then when he's very tired he actually asks for the cot.

I think he actually prefers sleeping in his cot and sees it as a sort of haven, even when he's not sleeping we sometimes hear him on the monitor talking and playing happily in there for ages.

ruty · 04/01/2006 19:02

oh i hope our second [if we are lucky enough to get there] is like that saadia! Ds is a tricky sleeper. Someone should be selling 'family' mega king size beds!

CarolinaMoon · 04/01/2006 21:55

This is an interesting thread. I only know one mum in RL who co-sleeps positively, rather than begrudgingly.

14mo ds is still in our bed and tbh it is a bit of a PITA, especially right now as he's teething and very restless at night. He is totally crap at settling himself to sleep and always has been, which I think is just him rather than anything we could have done differently.

We only have a standard double bed though, which isn't really big enough for the three of us, and dp moves to the living room sofa if it gets too much.

ruty · 04/01/2006 22:18

i must admit i haven't tried hard enough to change things, as i do love cuddling him - but i never allowed him in the bed for the first three months - so paranoid about anything happening to him - but when i finally succumbed that is when we all actually got a decent night's sleep for the first time.

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