Too shy to speak?

[Pfer]

DS1 is 4 on Friday and for the last year and a half or so he's been having reviews at SLT who are not willing to give him therapy as his vocab is excellent.

He's been labelled a reluctant talker, which I understand fine. Yet I didn't realise his shyness in speaking extended to me as well.

He talks, I understand 95% of what he says just fine yet I am very aware that kids a lot younger have better speach abilities than he does.

However, just yesterday he was doing his business in the bathroom all by himself, I was in my bedroom and he didn't know I was there. He sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to himself absolutely perfectly. It was beautiful to hear (made me cry). It was also so much clearer than he speaks to me.

How can I help being him out of his shell without being pushy? I do lots of praise without going overboard iykwim. I feel it's just about confidence. Any ideas?

Aw- the nursery rhyme singing sounds so cute! I think maybe you just need to try and take a little step back and enjoy what he is doing. Easier said than done when you're worried I know but it sounds like he's doing just fine in his own time from what you've said. Did the speech therapists tell you about building Special Time into your time together? You just take 5-10 minutes per day to let him choose an activity- you comment on what he's doing and join in his play but without taking over or directlng. Nice thing to do and as parents we sometimes do it less than we think we do, ime!

Heres what I generally do, chat with him normally, no pushing, no pressure, just the emphasising S's and F's as he's 'stopping' those so he can hear them properly to encourage him to say them. I never correct him, just say nice things like 'yes that's right... then repeat any words he get's wrong' He talks to me all day long, is very rarely quiet, he has his special times with dh every evening when they do a bit of reading together or whatever DS feels like doing.

We don't push him to do or say anything, always thought it'll just come when he's ready and I'm sure it will. It's just that now I know he can pronounce things as well, if not better than, the other kids at playschool I'd like to gently encourage him to be more open with his lovely voice, without being pushy.

If we took any steps back we'd be neglecting him. We're there when he wants us and we leave him alone when he want's to play by himself.

I'm far from a perfect mum, wish I was but sadly with DS2 as well and other stuff going on I know that I can fall sadly short of being adequate. Yet as I sit here he's cuddled up to me and has just said "mummy I love you". Just wish I knew how to help him with his confidence levels.

Step back from your worry I meant really, not step back from being with him. He sounds like a sweetie who's getting lots of time and love from you both. I'm sure his confidence will grow in time. He's very little still.

have a look at selective mutism (elective mutism? can never remember which) on google. You may get lots of tips.

getback - it's not his lack of speaking that's the problem, it's the quality (though his twinkle, twinkle singing has proven to me that he's got it spot on yet for some reason, can only presume it's confidence, he won't do it in front of people, he seems to get overexcited and can be very difficult to understand sometimes). As soon as SLT said he's a reluctant talker he began to talk much, much more, and playschool say he's coming on great, so what the hell am I worrying about?

Well, he starts school in april and he's quite shy in general and I'd like him to be quite confident in his speech before he starts as I'm pretty sure he'll just clam up again and I don't want that to happen if we can help in anyway.

So what I'm after is confidence building tips please ladies...

Clarity can come overnight more or less. DS2 was diagnosed with a speech disorder, was pretty much incomprehensible and 10 days later was almost completely clear (literally - SALT couldn;t believe it). He still can't pronounce k or g, but I don't worry about that.

Assuming that potential problems have been checked for (verbal dyspraxia for example- sometimes with things like that- if its mild the child can pronounce single words quite clearly, but not longer phrases) then I wouldn;t worry too much- it'll come. But i do think its important that the SALT has checked that sort of thing, not just assumed lack of confidence (singing is slightly different than speaking- I have a recording of ds1 singing twinke twinkle very clearly age 2- at 6 he doesn;t sing really anymore and doesn't have any comprehensible speech at all).

oh have a look at apraxia kids (don't have link, but google will get it). I think they have recordings of children speaking there for you to compare with, and lots of personal stories (apraxia is American for verbal dyspraxia). Should help you decide whether that's something you need to persue, or confirm for you that it is just confidence iyswim

I remember a child in my class who was so very shy that she would barely loom at me, let alone talk. She could do all of the written work set but was painfully shy when it came to socialising with others or when working in a group (she was in year 1). I also had the same class when they moved up, in year 2 and the difference was amazing. I remember speaking to her parents and saying that I would monitor her a little more and that if her verbal confidence didn't show signs of improving, that we would test her. Almost over night, she began to grow in confidence and it started with little smiles (as I'd try to contantly make her laugh). It turned out that she was very, very bright and her oral literacy was right at the top of the class. As a then young teacher (!) I learnt that it's true what the books say, children do develop at different paces.

To increase his confidence, I would try the following:

• find out where his current passions lie and stimulate him in this area. If he loves singing, as well as reading to him before bed, read and sing the same nursery rhyme book to him. As he becomes familiar with the rhymes, get him to sing them to you/with you.
• take him to a children's theatre. I recently took my ds to the Gruffalo's child- it's a very interactive show, short and sweet and your ds will not only be exposed to music and story but also see other children calling out, singing etc.
• Do you have any playdates? Invite a child over or go to a park or farm.
• Have you thought of enrolling him in an afterschool club? Like a sport or Stagecoach?

Lastly, although I should of said this first, if your child is already at school, speak to your child's teacher and ask what support the school can offer- i.e. strategies.

Let us know how you get on. Take care.

Sorry about the typos! Having re-read my post and your initial one, I am assuming that your child is still in nursery/ starting reception? You say that he chats away to you, maybe he just hasn't clicked with anyone in his class. When we look at children's social development, we need to look at the whole picture and maybe right now, he just hasn't found any 'special friends' yet.

Also, ask his nursery/school carers to try to ask him open ended questions so that he doesn't end up saying yes or no all the time.

I remember a child in my class who was so very shy that she would barely loom at me, let alone talk. She could do all of the written work set but was painfully shy when it came to socialising with others or when working in a group (she was in year 1). I also had the same class when they moved up, in year 2 and the difference was amazing. I remember speaking to her parents and saying that I would monitor her a little more and that if her verbal confidence didn't show signs of improving, that we would test her. Almost over night, she began to grow in confidence and it started with little smiles (as I'd try to contantly make her laugh). It turned out that she was very, very bright and her oral literacy was right at the top of the class. As a then young teacher (!) I learnt that it's true what the books say, children do develop at different paces.

To increase his confidence, I would try the following:

• find out where his current passions lie and stimulate him in this area. If he loves singing, as well as reading to him before bed, read and sing the same nursery rhyme book to him. As he becomes familiar with the rhymes, get him to sing them to you/with you.
• take him to a children's theatre. I recently took my ds to the Gruffalo's child- it's a very interactive show, short and sweet and your ds will not only be exposed to music and story but also see other children calling out, singing etc.
• Do you have any playdates? Invite a child over or go to a park or farm.
• Have you thought of enrolling him in an afterschool club? Like a sport or Stagecoach?

Lastly, although I should of said this first, if your child is already at school, speak to your child's teacher and ask what support the school can offer- i.e. strategies.

Let us know how you get on. Take care.

Many thanks for your messages, shimmers thank you, this has helped a lot, and get back will look up sites for apraxia to have listen. Thanks ladies