12mo separation anxiety in the middle of the night

[ellesabe]

AAAARGHHH!!!!!

How the bloody hell am I supposed to get her back to sleep?

This is the third night in a row of waking for a feed at 2am and then screaming whenever she's put back in her cot.

She used to be great at sleeping and we don't have a problem at bedtime so I'm at a complete loss and at the end of my tether :(

It's not teething, calpol has no effect.

We will not co-sleep so please nobody suggest that!

I'm seriously tearing my hair out here :( I feel like we've tried everything.

Any tips from anyone else who's been through similar or at least reassurance that this too shall pass?

A very desperate Elle x

Hi Elle, there is no magic-get-it-fixed-tonight method but some people recommend controlled crying. You need nerves of steel. I grew so desperate that at first I would put headphones on during the minutes when I put my DD in her cot. She is 17 now, so we survived. If not headphones, give yourself something to do when you have put her down e.g. cup of tea, iron a couple of things etc. www.askbaby.com/baby-sleep-training.htm Good luck

Thank you all so much for your suggestions.

Sleepy wombat - the sneaking out method is the one I have been using so far and it seems the best way but just takes ages! I was up until 5am the other night doing it.

Sloobreeus - I have always been up for trying controlled crying if dd were ever to need it but last night she was whipping herself into a frenzy and it just didn't feel right. Not so much 'controlled crying' as 'controlled screaming-her-guts-out'!

Dh managed to calm her down in the end and she was perfectly happy to be put back in her cot and left by him. It's clearly not as heart-wrenching to see daddy leaving the room as when mummy does it!

So tonight I think we're going to call for daddy's assistance as soon as she's finished her feed and hope for the best!

When you say "This is the third night in a row of waking for a feed at 2am and then screaming whenever she's put back in her cot" do you mean this is a new thing her waking at 2am for a feed, or, she normally wakes for a feed at 2am, but you don't have problems with her going back to sleep afterwards?

She normally wakes for a feed but would be happy to be put back in her cot and would drift back to sleep on her own.

Is it worth trying to give her a dream feed at 11.30pm ish so you are topping her up and she won't wake hungry at 2am which will hopefully also have the knock on effect of you not having to resettle her and you might get through to 6.30am before she wakes?

I think at this age, their immediate physical wants of being fed/watered start to become a bit secondary to their emotional need for you to be around, they're no longer contented to nod back off once their bellies are full and think "hey mummy's here, let's see if we can get her to stick around a bit longer..." when they're tiny, they just want a full belly and kip (on you preferably).

Is she waking at 2am because she is genuinely hungry or because she wants reassurance from you that you are around for a cuddle. You don't say if you are BF or FF. Is she eating solids well in the day or having lots of milk as well? Has anything changed in your daily routine (starting nursery/going to childminder?) Sorry for all the questions!

Oh, this too shall pass...