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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

As a parent would you..

57 replies

vhairi · 03/01/2006 15:09

go and tell a member of staff at one of those kids ball places that another child had hit your child?
To explain,i took ds{4} and dd{2} to one of those kids action places, balls, slides, trampolines etctoday. Only in the place 5 mins when a member of staff came up to me and said just to let you know that your ds has hit other boy in face, not sure what happened as it was parent of other boy who told us but keep an eye on him blah blah. Knowing my son, he probably did so i took him aside and asked what happened and he said other boy wouldn't let me down the slide. Not an excuse for hitting but in his head he was justified. My ds was told off and given warning. Just wondering though as a parent would you go and tell or would you leave it, one off incident btw. Just seemed very childish thing for parent to do.
Phew, all done!

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soapbox · 03/01/2006 15:32

I would usually speak directly to child first time politely as WWW describes. Next time not so politely, 3rd time a bellow that is designed to make sure that any parents immediately check to see if it's their child that is misbehaving!

Usually 'Oi you - I told you to pack it in - leave him/her alone'!

Cue parent scuttling over and having words with child!

I'm sorry, but I've no desire to have my child's day ruined by some child they've never met before.

OTOH - if it was my child misbehaving then they'd be out of there faster than their feet could touch the ground!

Original poster

vhairi · 03/01/2006 15:34

Hercules- yes it was a one off because once he was told that we would leave if he even looked at another child the wrong way he went off to play with his sister.
What about the other child then because in my experience its never black and white?

OP posts:

madmarchhare · 03/01/2006 15:36

All good in theory, and try to use the same approach, however I was slightly put off when at my local soft play they was a sudden 'TELL YOUR F*ING SON...', or along those lines. Yikes.

misdee · 03/01/2006 15:36

did the other child hit your ds?

madmarchhare · 03/01/2006 15:36

there was a sudden.

hercules · 03/01/2006 15:38

In my experience it is often unprovoked at that age and I would treat it that way especially knowing if my child was likely to have done it.

madmarchhare · 03/01/2006 15:39

Misdee, not sure if youre aiming that at me, but no, DS wasnt even involved and it was enough to start me thinking about how I would deal with it if he was iyswim.

tillykins · 03/01/2006 15:39

and lets face it, every child hits out or pushes at some point

Hulababy · 03/01/2006 15:39

The other child should only in trouble IF they did something naughty as well. And IME this is not always the case in these soft play areas. DD has been hit and pinched at soft play before and yes it has been unprovoked I'm afraid.

Pfer · 03/01/2006 15:40

I def. wouldn't tell a member of staff unless things had got way out of hand (I hope I'd have sorted it before it got too far). At a local ball pit play thing DS told me that another boy had hit him so I kept an eye on the situation, not having seen it I couldn't go wading in. When the other boy got aggressive again I was near enough to intervene quickly so no-one got hit and then spoke to the boys parents who were aplogetic and had a word with their lad, which is exactly what I would've done if it'd been the other way around.

The parents stay with the kids at these places to keep an eye on them and to make sure this doesn't happen it's their job to do that not the staff's IMO.

If you speak to a parent who's horrid and doesn't care that their kid is hitting and is aggressive themself then speak to the staff.

misdee · 03/01/2006 15:42

madmarchhare, no wasnt to you, was to vhairi, who said these things are rarely black and white.

Blossomhill · 03/01/2006 15:42

Yes I absolutely would. How can you tell in places like that whose child belongs to which parent?
Also you could be dealing anyone so much better to be dealt with by people that work there.

QueenVictoria · 03/01/2006 15:52

It may be a one off, and ALL children push or hit from time to time thats true - im sure my DD has at nursery before (not that staff have told me so far though). But even a "one off" needs mentioning surely? How does a child know its unacceptable behaviour otherwise?

Maybe im a bit sensitive about these issues atm though. DD currently has 3 HUGE bite marks on her from a "playful" lad at nursery and staff neglected to mention it to me when i collected her on Friday. I only discovered it at bathtime later that evening.

Sorry, deviated a little there.

Pfer · 03/01/2006 16:02

QV, I think the playschool situations are different though aren't they? You leave your kids there in the care of people who are employed purely to look after them and keep them safe from harm. I remember ds1 coming home one day with huge scratches all around his neck, as he had his coat on when I collected him I didn't notice until we got home. I asked the supervisor about it the next day and she was adamant that this could never have happened at the playschool. Hmmm, he must've gone off to a club on his own after I'd dropped him off & sneaked back in time to be picked up.

The staff at play areas aren't employed for this are they? The ones at the one I go to just serve coffee to neglectful parents who just want a chat with their friends and to be able to ignore their kids despite the big notice asking parents to supervise their children at all times.

nooka · 03/01/2006 16:14

I wondered that too - how did the member of staff know to come to you? At a small place I would say something to the parent if I could work out which one it was, or say something directly to the child if the incident happened near to me, but to be honest, unless it was a really nasty attack I would ignore it, as my children are (mostly) able to cope with these sort of situations themselves (they have enough practice with each other!). But then they are now 5 and 6, and I find it very difficult to remember how I was when they were littler (ds in particular used to love playing with quite violent children, who I suspect were trying to get him to go away).

Original poster

vhairi · 03/01/2006 16:43

Back after my pc crashed. Member of staff knew who i was because our table was beside the entrance and also where mos was standing to supervise, my son was standing next to me when the parent approached the mos and pointed to my son. I don't go to these places to drink coffee and chat to my friends, i go on my own with kids.It is quite a big place with the slide being at opposite end up about 15ft high. I used to go all round the slide, stairs, bumps etc with them but being 38+2 preg i can't fit up there anymore.

OP posts:

Pfer · 03/01/2006 16:51

when i take ds1 i play with him as well. he enjoys it and secretly so do i. but i see loads of mums there chatting away to each other, ignoring their screaming kids, treating them as an inconvenience rather than a joy. it's not fair on the other kids and the other mums who have to take up the slack.

nooka · 03/01/2006 17:01

But soft play places are designed for children, not adults. I certainly don't go in with my two as there is no way I could keep up with them, nor would they want me to. On the odd occasion I have gone in to one I have got stuck (slides for little kids do not fit me at nearly six foot!). I think independant play is important, and that's why I take them to places like that. I do keep an eye on them, and like others they are on strict instructions that if they play badly they will be going straight home, but if you were expected to supervise at all times I hardly think they would install internet access etc. Round us they are expensive places to visit, and one of the reasons is that they are staffed, so I don't think I should be with them at all times. Having said that I do keep an ear out for screaming, and they are fairly big.

anniebear · 03/01/2006 17:08

I agree!! have had to go in with one of my Children (sn) but the other wouldn't want me with her!!!

These places are for parents to sit, have a coffee/chat and the kids to run wild, nothing wrong with that as long as you keep a watch on them (same with toddler groups)

some places do not allow parents in

I wouldn't tell the worker there that my Child had been hit unless it was bad or repeatedly. Then I would have a word with worker or parent

Original poster

vhairi · 03/01/2006 17:52

Usually i play because ds always wants you by his side but dd is quite happy to play away on her own or around with the other kids. I used to look at other parents sitting talking and being able to relax at places like this or toddler group and be quite envious because i have never been able to do it especially with ds. I do agree these places are for kids to play largely "on their own" but its also the reactions of other parents which make me stick to my son like glue.
Anniebear- Agree with you that unless it was pretty bad wouldn't say anything and that kids do let off steam at these places.
But that certainly doesn't mean that kids can hit, push willy nilly either and i'm not in any way agreeing with my sons behaviour and he knows it!

OP posts:

hercules · 03/01/2006 18:04

I have to say I found it incredibly annoying having to supervise other peoples kids as well as my own. Personally I dont think they are for the parents to chat and let their kids do as they please. Whilst some parents sit and chat, others have to watch their kids.

hercules · 03/01/2006 18:04

Hulababy · 03/01/2006 18:12

Agree with hercules. Soft play centres are there for children to play, but whilst under the supervision of their parents. Sit and chat by all means, but priority should be keeping an eye on what your child is doing.

myturn · 03/01/2006 18:14

I wouldn't if it was a one-off, only because I shake at the thought of confrontation. Would seethe quietly though. If it happened more than once I would have to do something I about it.

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