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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

As a parent would you..

57 replies

vhairi · 03/01/2006 15:09

go and tell a member of staff at one of those kids ball places that another child had hit your child?
To explain,i took ds{4} and dd{2} to one of those kids action places, balls, slides, trampolines etctoday. Only in the place 5 mins when a member of staff came up to me and said just to let you know that your ds has hit other boy in face, not sure what happened as it was parent of other boy who told us but keep an eye on him blah blah. Knowing my son, he probably did so i took him aside and asked what happened and he said other boy wouldn't let me down the slide. Not an excuse for hitting but in his head he was justified. My ds was told off and given warning. Just wondering though as a parent would you go and tell or would you leave it, one off incident btw. Just seemed very childish thing for parent to do.
Phew, all done!

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emmatom · 03/01/2006 15:11

Yes I would tell a member of staff as sometimes confronting a parent who is a hard nut or something is probably not the best thing to do. The staff member is more neutral and it might spur the other parent into keeping a better eye on their child.

QueenVictoria · 03/01/2006 15:13

Id like to have the confidence to tbh.

My 2yr old DD (who is the size of a 3-4 yr old), was being pushed around by a much bigger boy at a soft play centre - kept running up and smacking her and pushing her for reasons i have no clue - she had her back to him most of the time.

Eventually i stood guard which scared him off but his dad was busy with his nose in a book without a care in the world.

The same dad allowed his 6-7 yr old play in the baby section - which is only 8ft x 8ft whilst my 4 mth old DS was in there too. He was throwing balls about and the soft furnishings.

Sorry, but i dont think the other parent is petty. Id like to know if my two were misbehaving.

hercules · 03/01/2006 15:15

Yes, I would. I hate it when parents dont watch their kids although I understand it is hard with 2 little ones.

Avalon · 03/01/2006 15:16

Yes, I would and have.

hunkermunker · 03/01/2006 15:17

Why is it childish for a parent to mind their child being hit?

Original poster

vhairi · 03/01/2006 15:18

My eyes are very rarely off my son because he is very excitable and boisterous but if i see another child push them of hit, i don't immediately go tell and i wouldn't feel it was my place to go tell their parent either.If it kept happening then maybe but mayve i'm in the minority.

OP posts:

tillykins · 03/01/2006 15:19

Depends, my DS is two and I would want to know if he was properly naughty and when he has hit out at soft play, I don't have a problem with a parent telling me - though I do generally watch him and can see any misbehaviour. I think I might feel a bit snotty if a staff member came over though
That said, when I see another child behaving badly - pushing, hitting etc - I just tell them not to behave that way and to apologise
Doesn't seem to bother anyone and wouldn't bother me if someone told Minitilly not to push and to say sorry

madmarchhare · 03/01/2006 15:19

No I wouldnt unless it was happening time and time again with no obvious parental intervention, which in this case it wasnt. Sounds petty to me.

soapbox · 03/01/2006 15:19

Yes, I would, but probably only after I'd bellowed at him myself and it hadn't stopped him!

I think hitting another child in the face at a soft play area is pretty serious stuff and would not be happy if it happened to my child.

Original poster

vhairi · 03/01/2006 15:21

Why is the assumption that the parent is not watching or couldn't care what their child is up to?
I don't mean its childish for the parent to care if their child is hit.

OP posts:

hercules · 03/01/2006 15:21

Are you sure it was only the once and he hadnt been seen already being over boisterous?

WigWamBam · 03/01/2006 15:22

Yes, I would - and I don't understand why you think it seems a childish thing to do. Having seen the way that some children behave in those places, and particularly as there are a lot of much younger children there, I wouldn't leave it, I'd want it stopped before another child was hurt (not saying that your ds would have hurt another child, btw - but some children hit repeatedly).

I'd also like to know if my child had hit someone else - I'd hate to think that I wasn't aware that my child was hurting another child. And if I knew about it, I could address it with my child.

hercules · 03/01/2006 15:22

So were you there then and with him?

Hulababy · 03/01/2006 15:22

I wish I had the confidence to go and complain about children hitting my DD int he ast at these places - either to the parent or the manager. TBH I would rather speak tot he manager than a parent - unless parent was obviosuly around - as can be less confrontational.

Don't think it is childish. Their child was hurt. they are protecting their child - which is what we all want to do isn't it?

hunkermunker · 03/01/2006 15:22

But you weren't watching. Obviously for a good reason, but that doesn't mean that the hit hurt any less, does it?

WideWebWitch · 03/01/2006 15:24

I wouldn't, no. I would tell the perpetrating child off IF I saw it happen. Not horribly, just a 'hitting isn't allowed is it, please don't hit' calm kind of comment. If I didn't see it happen I rarely tell anyone off, although I do give 'you must all be nice to each other' lectures if I'm not sure who was in the wrong. So in your situatiopn I'd feel perfectly justified in telling off the hitting child if I saw it happen.

Hulababy · 03/01/2006 15:24

Tillykins - like you I have also just spoken directly to a child, if no parents around obviously watching, about their behaviour if I felt it necessary.

Original poster

vhairi · 03/01/2006 15:24

That was my point though was that it was a one off. I don't mind the member of staff telling me my child was misbehaving because i do like to know if they are doing something wrong and they are always told off, time out, warning etc whatever fits at the time.

OP posts:

hercules · 03/01/2006 15:24

Off topic but we were at such a place today and a little boy was quite out of it and on his own for some time. We ended up carrying him to his childminder to say he clearly was unwell and she seems unbothered despite the fact he was almost out of it and clearly unwell. She didnt even notice what he was doing or not doing for a good while.
Sorry not like your situation.

WideWebWitch · 03/01/2006 15:24

In other words, you do have to watch your own children imo and if someone isn't there and watching theirs and hits yours then it's ok to tell them off imo as long as you're polite about it.

hercules · 03/01/2006 15:25

But vhari - was it a one off? You said he's like that. It may be that he'd been doing other stuff too.

hercules · 03/01/2006 15:27

I tell other kids off but if I thought it warranted more I would much rather speak to staff than a parent unless the parent was right there.

hercules · 03/01/2006 15:27

I would also go and apologise to the mum and child.

oliveoil · 03/01/2006 15:28

I would tell the parent if I could see who was supposed to be looking after them, rather than a member of staff.

Not confrontational, just 'oh, your little one has just hit dd1, can you keep an eye out, she is quite shy and soft ha ha ha ha ha, don't want to scare her from coming again, ha ha ha '.

Which is true as she is soft.

I hate these places anyway as they are usually loads of older kids charging about totally unsupervised hogging all the slides etc.

misdee · 03/01/2006 15:29

if another child hit mine in the face and i couldnt see a parent about i'd go to a member of staff. my kids go to play and not to get hit. and if mine were hitting and a member of staff told me, then i wouldnt think it was petty at all.

dd2 can be wild, i know that, but fortunatly soft play is one place we havent had an incident yet.

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