6 yo DS has turned into a monster

[TheHouseofMirth]

We have been having some very challenging times with DS who is almost 6.5yo. He has reduced me to tears twice in the last 2 days with his rudeness, anger, defiance and agression. I can just about cope with his behaviour towards DH and me but his awful treatment of his 2 yo brother is breaking my heart.

We went through a similar "posession" when he was about 3 and at that time he had just started nursery, I had previously started doing some very part-time work and I'd also found out I was pregnant so I put it down to that combination of events although I know there is an alleged testosterone rush at that time.

This time I'm not really sure what the cause is. He won't say that anything is wrong. He is the youngest in his class and struggling academically now he's in Year 2 although he's always happy to go to school. There have also been a few boys leaving his class recently.

He's also not been eating properly for a few weeks now. Firstly he "went off" most of the food he normally likes and now he's eating a lot less than he has normally done in terms of quantity and variety although he does still eat fruit and veg happily and he is drinking gallons of milk.

I am quite hormonal at the moment so I know my responses to him are not as helpful as they could be.

I don't know why I'm posting really but for the first time as his mum I'm feeling at a total loss as to how to help him and also really not liking how his behaviour is making me feel.

I also have a 6.5 year old...so I know how hard it can be...actually though DS is very good at home and with his sis, but can be a horror at school.
I would only say 2 things - you need to stay calm. IF I can discipline DS and stay calm but very firm (consistent boundaries), then he copes far better. Dh often gets quite heat up...emotional...and DS does not cope at all well, and it tends to escalate the bad behavior rather than dealing with the bad behavior and the consequence, and then moving on.
The other thing is I read a great book a few years ago by a Psychologist called Anthony Rao, he kind of specializes in boys, anyway he also says there can be a regression in behavior (which can be quite significant) when boys are about to, or in the process of making a developmental leap. One of his main examples was in acquiring literacy.....

Anyway I have included an article by him, which is how I learnt about him, I just thought he was very sensible and thoughtful.

anthonyrao.com/articles/?p=3

My ds also 6.5 - same issues come and go.

Maybe he too is rather hormonal and on a growth spurt - we had the same for a month or so - then a few people commented in the same week as to how tall he had grown suddenly ...

Not sure this helps all the frustration (my ds 6.5 now a joy compared with my dd 8 yrs ......) - but may at least give you a proper reason, and to stop blaming yourself. A playdate or 2 may give you a rest, and keep him entertained.

Hang in there

Thanks for the sympathy and practical advice. I've been feeling so overwhelmed by it all and it's hard to talk honestly to people in rl about it without feeling like I'm bad-mouthing him.

Yes, knowing the reason would definitely help. He's often been super grumpy when he's coming down with a cold or something but this is much worse than usual. I'll cling on to the developmental leap theory I think!