Violent 2yo!

[SenseofEntitlement]

Dd2 is two tomorrow. She has always been more, well, demanding feels the wrong word. She is much more insistant about what she wants than dd1 ever was. She is a lovely outgoing and chatty girl who gets very enthusiastic about things. I think that could be the issue - she gets over excited.
She hits and kicks, even hitting dd1 across the face with hard toys for no apparent reason.
We have tried ignoring - she just hits harder and poor dd1 shouldn't have to put up with that. We try the naughty corner and she just laughs and runs about shouting naughty corner, and now says 'naughty corner!' and laughs when she has hit someone.
We also suspect she likes saying sorry - she hits and then hugs and kisses the person, saying 'sorry, awwww, sorry', then hits them again!
Any ideas?

Hi I feel for you as I have a 2 1/2 year old similar. My son is very chatty and interested and loving but has always been quite highly strung. Now with DS2 on the scene he is very naughty at times...well most of the time; refusing to do as I say, wacking the baby/ other children and adults, pulling hair.. he's not bitten /drawn blood for a while though (dare I say that!)

We have had to stop going to some groups as the singing seems to start him off hurting as many people as possible. Me spending time with the baby makes him worse. He does apologise when I give him a time out, but within seconds he's at it again. I put it down to the following:

Jealousy - so I try to make sure he is really distracted and involved in something when I feed the baby. I also spend lots of time with him alone. I also let other people hold the baby for a while so i can play with him.

Noisy crowded echoey halls set him off - so I try to get to groups early and leave if I think it is getting too much for him

I use the naughty step and I make him stay there, I have found that if he holds a clock/watch/ timer he has something to focus on and will stay there. I try to be consistent with this, but try to intercept , distract and avoid situations.

Changing rooms /activity. -When he seems to be on a roll of naughty behaviour, going outside to play, or into a different room seems to change the mood.

I still feel exasperated embarassed and upset by this though, and even wonder if he's 'normal' sometimes!?!?! I guess it's a phase?

It's entirely normal for older siblings to wallop their younger ones and for two-year olds to lash out (in varying degrees). It takes a loooong time for them to take on board that it's not acceptable behaviour - you might have to repeat yourself for a few months before you see a diminution in the behaviour.

IME the naughty step/corner is overrated and overused as a teaching tool (discipline, after all, means 'teaching'). We use timeout for violence (and nothing else, because timeout is distressing for a toddler and should be reserved for serious matters). If DD hits, pinches, kicks, pushes over etc her little brother (or anyone else) she is put in another room by herself with the door shut for a few minutes. I certainly would never hit a toddler to explain that hitting is wrong - very confusing for them.

There are obvious danger times, as well, where all bets are off because they literally can't control themselves - when they're hungry, tired, overwrought etc. (Toddler groups in particular are very hard work for them and IMO should be restricted to one or two a week for small toddlers.) At these times discipline has to be quite measured because they're already wound up and stressed and going overboard on yelling at them/punishing them can make things far worse. It's best to head these off at the pass if possible.

My MIL gave my SIL some advice when this happened with her two year old and new sibling - she said it was the 2 year olds ways of trying to get some physical affection. So SIL gave her just that - obviously not after a violent incident! She made sure there were plenty of cuddles etc.

DS is 2 and doesn't hit out - but I know he will when DC2 arrives next month and am expecting everything to go downhill. So will try MIL's tip and see what happens...