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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

1 year old DS is suddenly, um, challenging

15 replies

matana · 14/11/2011 19:57

I have no idea what's normal and what's not any more, he seems to have been through so many 'phases' so i just need some perspective please.

He is gorgeous, really lovely: he has had a naturally happy, smiling, content and adaptable disposition up until now and everything in me tells me it's just a phase, but it feels like the hardest phase i've had to contend with. His sleep is fine, but when he's awake he had become so demanding! He cries/ tantrums at the drop of a hat, hates when i leave the room, claws at my legs to be picked up, and when i do it consoles him for two minutes before he's pushing me away to get down. Then when i put him down he cries and pulls himself up on me to pick him up again. He doesn't seem to know what he wants at all at the moment. He's not like it every day - some days (like today) are far worse than others. Sometimes it takes nothing to set him off, sometimes at least it's for a reason - nappy change, getting him dressed, feeding him etc etc.

DH worries he's heading for some kind of ADHD diagnosis (i admit he can seem VERY, VERY hyperactive/ boisterous at times). I don't want to raise a problem child and i'm worried his personality has changed.

Please tell me, is this a normal phase at this age and how do i get through it with my sanity intact?

OP posts:

AppleAndBlackberry · 14/11/2011 20:02

Mine was very hard work at that age. She's lovely to be with now at 2. Is it teething? I tended to give calpol when she was particularly difficult and it generally did work or help a bit. Some of them do suffer quite a lot with it and they can't really control their behaviour at all.

Iggly · 14/11/2011 20:32

He sounds like he needs a bit of comfort and reassurance - DS gets like this when ill/overtired/teething. Best thing is to get down to his level and give lots of cuddles and reassurance and talk to him. Talk to him in simple sentences - e.g. mummy's coming back, mummy's changing your nappy etc.

It'll pass! I promise.

Noopypappy · 14/11/2011 21:01

Sounds precisely like my DS the last few days. He is teething 3 molars and has a cold. We are putting it down to that and hoping it changes quick! Sleep has gone to pot too. Such a happy chappy normally!

Original poster

matana · 15/11/2011 10:03

I must admit that he got so bad the other day that i tried him on Nurofen and it calmed him down so perhaps it is teething although i can't see anything obvious at the moment. I don't like dosing him up with things on the off chance he's feeling ill - it could just be the stage of development he's at. He does seem tired quite a lot but i don't suppose it helps when he's at the CM and he's started refusing to nap in the morning apparently - although i don't have any trouble when he's at home getting him to sleep. He has also had a few nasty nappies recently which do tend to coincide with him teething, but i thought might have been a bug.

I've got a few days off with him so i'm hoping a bit of time chilling out with mummy will do him the world of good. I'm giving him lots of cuddles and attention.

OP posts:

Albrecht · 15/11/2011 14:29

There are quite a few threads now from posters with similar age dc saying the same sorts of things (I'm on most of them too as this is also ds and it gives me strength!).

Agree I think its teething molars, associated illnesses and general development. Got some toddler books out of the library and they seem to say so called Terrible Twos is the second year not when they are actually 2.

Ds does exactly the up-down-up thing and I hate it as its so illogical. But I can remember being young (not 1 yr obviously!) and overtired and not knowing what I actually wanted and getting in a state.

Good advice I think is, make sure its not hunger or sleep related, keep calm as it can be scary for them to be so overwhelmed and they need to know you aren't overwhelmed by their feelings too. Focus on the good not the bad and let him do things you can reasonabley safely allow - climbing stairs supervised, feeding self etc to allow his desire for independance to be expressed.

FunnysInTheGarden · 15/11/2011 14:37

very normal IME. DS2 is 21 months and is going through this stage. It's worse when he's ill though. DS1 was just the same.

Oh and BTW the reason that he is boisterous is that he's a boy! My two run about like nutters most of the time, and no sign of ADHD anywhere!

FunnysInTheGarden · 15/11/2011 14:38

btw, it should end by the time they are about 3!

Noopypappy · 16/11/2011 19:56

How is your LO now? My DS is back to normal

CocoKev · 17/11/2011 10:27

OP- I could have written this post about my 1yr old DS (was actually about to when I saw yours)! I'm hoping it's a short-lived phase. I'm really missing his confident, smiley, sunny disposition. This replacement baby is no fun at all!

gitinora · 17/11/2011 11:02

Sounds like a normal 1 year old to me. It a difficult age as they are beginning to explore the would around them more but their speech is not yet developed enough to tell you what they want so it leads to frustration.
Be patient and calm and it will pass.

SomethingSuitablyWitty · 17/11/2011 11:09

DD turned one a few weeks back and a lot of this sounds familiar. Also a very strong will emerging - if she's in to something I'd like to take her away from (pulling clothes out of drawers; pulling towels off the shelves) she goes mad! Twisting, kicking, screaming... I do think a lot of it is developmental - wanting to explore new possibilities etc. She's also very clingy and has started crying when we leave her at daycare etc, when she never used to mind. Hopefully it's all normal!

mumofthreekids · 17/11/2011 12:21

matana, I know SO many mums who have at some point said they are worried about their DS being ADHD - and I don't know anyone who has actually been diagnosed with the condition! It's just how toddlers (esp boys) are!

Original poster

matana · 17/11/2011 15:18

Thanks all for the reassurance! I'm sure if i'd had a challenging baby from the start it wouldn't feel like such a shock to the system.

He has been up and down and i found myself getting very grouchy with him this morning to the point where i ended up just ignoring him so i could get things done. He screamed of course, but there were no real tears and in the end it just sounded like he was trying his voice at different pitches and levels of agitation just to make a point that he was generally pissed off at nothing specifically but life generally. I took him for a walk which did the world of good. Then when he woke from his nap he was like a different child again - giggling, entertaining himself independently and giving lots of lovely cuddles and generally making me laugh.

I'm trying to help him do more for himself as that seems to be what he wants. I walk behind him and let him climb the stairs on his own and have begun allowing him to spoon feed himself and cheering when he gets it in. He's one on Monday and i'm hoping that he'll get some more age appropriate toys from my family as i think he's probably getting bored with his old baby toys now. I'm sick of the sound of my own voice saying 'no' all the time, so i've also given him a cupboard or two that i don't mind him having access. He has an uncanny ability to get hold of everything he shouldn't. I think i just have to accept that he's no longer a baby but a little boy with a very determined approach to life! I have to admire his tenacity.

OP posts:

Holly66 · 17/11/2011 15:44

I'm reading your post and it could easily have been me writing it when my DS was 12 months. Out of interest is your DS walking yet? I ask because my Ds was a nightmare and then when he finally got walking (I say finally because he's been trying for ages!) he calmed down and has become a much happier contented person.

However our nights have turned into a nightmare.

Gret idea with the stairs. DS loves playing on the stairs with me there I hasten to add. I fell down the stairs when I was 14 months and broke my hip so I was keen to get DS confident going up and down them asap (but with someone there still obviously)

With my Ds everything is "no" at the moment too. I said do you love mama? he said "no". And I said do you not love mama? and he said "da" and nodded. He has made up for it though by coming up to me and saying "cuddle" so he must love me really.

toomuchtooyoung · 18/11/2011 15:22

My 13mth old dd has also turned into a bit of a challenge.

Anyone got any tips on what to do when she screams and hollers if i take her away from something, or take something away from her. Have tried distracting to play with another toy, or being excited about say going downstairs, but still she'll scream and cry.

Obviously this is completely normal behaviour, but i just dont know what to do. Feeling a bit out of my depth - ie/ this is my first and havnt got a clue !

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