Teen daughter

[TeenMare]

She is so bitchy and winds me up all the time on purpose. God, she presses my buttons. Honestly feel like I hate her sometimes and the anger overwhelms me - I feel like I could hit her (I haven't yet). She is my first born (I was young) and I love her dearly but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

We are currently watching X Factor in different rooms after a stupid fall out about not getting to see her sister in the bath

Not sure what I hoped to get as feedback really. I am wondering if there is any type of help to prevent me from battering her (!), I suppose. I do count to ten, walk away etc etc.

I also have had a break up, a sudden bereavement and both parents are ill in the last few months and work full time and have a toddler too. I am stressed and feel I am taking a lot out on her, but can't seem to stop the feelings of rage. I probably lose the plot with her about once a week, say I'll take her phone away, ground her etc, then renegue (sp?) after she makes me feel sorry for her and I feel guilty for overreacting.

We are friends again now and have spent all day together, which both of us agree is too long

Hi

There is a specific teenagers thread in the Being a Parent section which you'll probably get a better response from. I'm afraid my DD is only 14 months so I have no experience in dealing with a teenager yet, only being one . Looking back I was a nightmare, I have a lot of sympathy for my mum now!

Hi
I'm a parent of a 20 year old and 15 year old. I'm also a Parentline Call Facilitator.
You have a lot on your plate at the moment and its understandable that you might be feeling overwhelmed, angry and fearful ... to name just a few emotions. Perhaps your daughter is feeling the same but is unable to articulate this and her only way of communicating to you that things are not right for her either, is by behaving badly to grab your attention.

Quite rightly, your attention may be more focused on your parents health and your toddler so your daughter may simply be reacting to the fact that she is no longer the center of your universe.

You have no control over your daughter's behaviour so focusing your energy in that direction is pointless. Reassure your daughter that you love her but also make clear that you will only engage with her when she is calm and approachable. That should give you some time to analyse why the conflict arose and how best to deal with it in an amicable and less volatile manner.

Hope that helps !

Thank you November and Busymum. I won't bother moving this - we had a bad day on Sun and things are a lot better now.

I appreciate your input Busymum, I think you may be right and those words 'you have no control over your daughter's behaviour' struck a cord. My problem, even though I have read books which say otherwise, is that I just desperately want her to do as she is asked, be polite, not arse around at school, not change the channel when her wee sis is watching something and I'm cooking tea etc.

On reflection, I probably expect a little too much from her wrt behaviour and don't always set a great example as I can be too quick to react. I should be letting the attitude stuff go, but it riles me. I actually need a break, but I literally have no time on my own (except my commute) and I need to find a window every week to have a bit of time out. I have some annual leave coming up next week while she's at school and the wee one is in nursery to get on top of the house. Since ex left (after being massively deceitful , leaving me devastated), I have really let myself, my house etc go and need to get back on track. Thanks so much for taking the time. x

Whoops forgot name change :)