How to discipline my 3yo? Talking back, not listening etc...

[titferbrains]

Really struggling to discipline my 3 yo and have found myself speechless several times recently because I don't feel i have an adequate punishment for what she's done. She is only just three and I had a new baby a couple of months ago so yes, lots of upheaval in her life, but I still need some effective ways to remind her that I'm in charge.

She is often really bad in the evenings when I am on my own and baby ds wants to cluster feed. A lot of shouting back, occasionally hitting me, not hard and she knows that's veer naughty. I am generally quite strict and I try not to let situations escalate but I often find I want to smack here because she is endlessly being rude and disrespectful. During the day withholding treats/nice things seems to work but ini the evening I run out of steam and just get cross or feel really depressed that we can't seem to wind down easily.

What time is she going to bed? I find all my DC become really hard to deal with when they're tired. Just wondering if making bedtime earlier would help...particularly as the behaviour sounds partly due to DS cluster feeding and DD trying to reclaim attention.

When I fed the baby in the evening I used to read stories to the younger ones. Would she be able to choose a book then sit close to you and the baby? That way she would feel as if she's getting some of your attention.

If I were you, I'd pick your battles during this busy period with the new baby. Some things like hitting are clearly a big deal and need to be dealt with, but a 3 year old "not listening" is probably worth letting go.

She is repeatedly screaming at me and stamping if I tell her not to do something eg stop pushing baby's head when he's feeding, it hurts mummy... She is just not coping with being told what to do. Story time not relaxing because she won.t sit stilll and won't listen, won't get under covers etc, climbs on me etc.

The screaming at me is the most unpleasant thing. Have taken away a big thing last night and will be reminding her all day today that if she isn't nice she won't get it back.

How do I stay calm when she is unpleasant to be around? The other day I actually said "...or you'll get a smack " without thinking , but I was very

I used to tell my son if he didn't stop, I was going to leave the room. Stopped me arguing/ losing it with him. I used to leave him to rage and go somewhere else in the house. I told him when he was calm he could come and say sorry and I'd give him a hug and we'd talk about why whatever was wrong.

Try to give positive instructions, and use distraction whenever you can.

Rather than saying 'Don't do...' decide what you do want her to be doing.

Try to have some time with her, just the 2 of you...it's easy to get into negative thought patterns when they're being hard work. Then you have a cycle of them being hard work, you finding them hard work, not enjoying being with them and so not spending fun time and praising them when they're being good.

Look for her being good, and tell her every time. With big kisses and cuddles and smiles.

I agree with Bramshott pick your battles. Ignore all bad behaviour except aggression towards you or other people and damaging things that are not hers. I know that's easier said than done, but try to find other things to concentrate on eg have a magazine ready to read or sing a song to DS. As soon as the screaming and shouting stop, praise her for talking in a nice voice and engage with her again.

It is hard. Someone said to me to try to imagine how I'd feel if my DH came home one day and said 'here's my new wife, she's going to live with us now, and you're going to be great friends!'. i know it's a bit weird, but did help me empathise with DS when DD1 arrived...no wonder they feel a bit peed off with us

Can you take DS off for a short period of time and do her bedtime routine? Can you put her to bed earlier? Maybe involve her in getting DS "ready" for bed eg handing nappies etc.

glad im not alone with the terribles 3's and ballstoit i love the way you said about dh coming home with a new wife i had never thought about it that way lol :-)

Well,Christmas is coming...! never wanted to scare my DC by pretending Father Christmas could see their every move,but a friend told me all about FC's little robin,who often peeped through the window...Very useful in a real emergency! Little robin also spotted good behaviour too of course. I used to stop and look sharply out of the window,saying "Ooh,was that a little bird I heard?" Sounds mad but it's worth a try!

Naughty step? One warning then one minute for her age. Keep putting her back til she's done 3 minutes and then said sorry, then a cuddle.

Lots of praise when she's good though.

How do I stay calm when she is unpleasant to be around?

I try and absent my brain in these situations. So my body is there, and my voice is repeating 'don't touch the baby, DD' or whatever, but I'm not really thinking about what's happening. I say to myself 'calm, calm' or some similar mantra.

Don't despair - you are at a tricky stage with DS so young, hopefully it will get better soon.

PS I use the same technique when my MIL is staying!!!

I read on here to try and imagine you're being observed or filmed in your interactions with DD - mad as it sounds, it has really helped me to stay a bit calmer!!

My 2.5 year old also got annoyed when I was feeding baby and I ended up with two tactics. First was when she was harassing baby I asked if she wanted a cuddle and lots of times she would say yes and then come and sit next to me so I could put one arm round her - bit of jealousy me thinks. If all else fails I had to put the tv on for the time I was feeding and she was fixated for a short time.