Tearaway teen

[1banana]

My friend died when her daughter was 3yrs old ( she is now the troubled 13 and a half yr old ) Her father continued to care for her, in many dysfunctional ways, I wont ellaborate, the list is endless. She was a lovely child, polite and well mannered although a little withdrawn at times which is understandable. She was top of her classes up untill half way through middle school,since then she has been suspended and expelled from 2 schools due to verbally abusive students and teachers alike. she was accepted into high school in sept but since will not entertain going. Shes hanging around with 16-18yr olds, her language is truely appalling, shes walking the streets untill the early hrs, or running away, and has apparently put herself on the pill.she has been arrested for shoplifting 2 or more times, she has also been in court for fighting. The police and social services wont put her into a juvinile lockup as she hasnt done anything serious enough. Please any advice would be vital before she does something she will truely regret.

hello - not sure how much help I'll be, but having been in the same situation when I was young, I may be able to offer some insight. My mum died when I was about the same age, and my sister and i lived our father, who was pretty useless. He wed a much younger woman within a year and his focus was his new wife - I would say as a result I grew very angry and resentful and rebelled throughout my teenage years. I felt pretty worthless and very very lonely - no matter how many pals i had - i did things to get attention, and it could be that your pals daughter is craving some love and attention from these older guys. I never got attached to guys, but these days it seems to be the norm (it's a much more sexualised society). I was packed off to a Psychiatrist as my dad thought I was mental, when in fact I just wanted to hurt him and the rest of the world. I had tried councelling before but I personally never found any one of them any good. I would suggest she needs some kind of help, which she will no doubt refuse, but I would be very careful about where you get this help from, as there are some shoddy councelling courses out there. Has the dad been ultra soft out of guilt?? It's a hard situation, but hopefully she will plough through these hard times. I'm 37 now, and after being a hell raising teen, I can honestly say I'm a boring old fart now. Anyone who loses their mum will miss them every day, and she will need support at times when it would normally be her mum there, i.e. wedding, 1st child, row with partner - it sounds like she is lucky to have you:) Good luck, and I hope she is ok, I feel for her, I really do. Poor kid (saying that, as my old headmistress used to say "the loss of a parent is no excuse for bad behavior, so buck up - although that attitude might not work these days). Ah, finally, sorry to go on, the psychiatrist I saw was a Dr Milne (salisbury at the time) I THINK he set up a few centres focusing on teenage probs - I could be wrong but he was very good. xx

Adivic, thankyou so much for your reply, Im just so worried about her, thankyou for shedding more light from the other side, Her dad has had 2 or 3 girlfriends since her mum died in 2002, one of which was nearer her age than her dads, her dad was not soft on her, maybe a little too far the other way. I know shes angry and hurt and desperatley needs some love but shes also been spoilt as an only child which really hasnt helped,she just smashes things up, I know that behind all the anger, frustration and hurt is that beautiful person still, shes just desperate to get out, also I need to find a way in, any further ideas as she avoids professionals and most of her relatives live too far away. Thankyou so much :(