I wasn't expecting this just yet.

[TheOriginalFAB]

My 10 year old son is acting like a teenager.

My 8 year old daughter is acting like a stroppy madam.

sorry, I'm not smiling at your frustrating just at the maddamness of this age. That is exactly what they are like! I teach this age group and love them. When I end up teaching the little ones I thoroughly enjoy it but always end up looking at the bigger ones and thinking 'oh but they're so much more fun!'

Keep going with whatever discipline you have. You will get sulks, tears, possibly even screaming and swearing but just keeping going. "You do not decide what you do and when, you are not rude to adults, you do as you are told when you are told, I don't care if its not cool"...and so on.

They are pushing because they are beginning to realise they are individual people with opinions and rational (ish) brains. When they were 3 they screamed and cried, teenage sulking is just a different method. Treat them exactly (almost) as you did when they were little and don't stand for back chat and attitude. They desperately need your guidance at this age and, basically, thats what they're asking for. The message needs to be yes you're older, yes you can do more but I am still in charge and you are NOT a grown up!

On a more positive note, could you make something of the fact they are growing up? Let them shop on their own for a couple of hours and then meet back up with you (or something similar, maybe they already do this!) Give them responsibilities in the house, let them walk home from school alone? Any tantrums or teenage attitude and these privilages are taken away.

Oh, also, they are copying behaviours that they see in children around them and on TV. They associate cliched teenagerness (God-d! You are so lame! You cant tell me what to do, etc) with being grown up. You need to make it clear that this is not the case. You dont see adult flouncing around shouting 'Oh my GOD!' (Well...not in public)

We are strict about what they watch so I don't think they are copying anything, just not had the boundaries soon enough.

Lol, I guess shopping depends where you live, what kind of town and so on. I was imagining a scenario where Mum was also in town and they had a set time and place to meet along with mobiles on them. I dunno, maybe I'm very adventurous!

FAB I'm in the same boat as you with DS1 who will 9 on Monday.

I just pray to God that it's a phase and he is just getting all his teenage angst out now.

I don't think I can take another 9yr of this!

You would seriously let an 8 and 10 year old go off alone?

VK - maybe it is hormones?

Are you in my house Fab?? Exactly same ages exactly same moods!!

I have found that sticker charts oddly work with my 10yold although he does have ADHD/autism. My 8y old is 8 going on 18!! The mood swings on her makes me look normal!! I don't know what to say to help you get over this stage but wanted to let you know your not the only one

My 10 year old doesn't want sticker charts any more but the 6 and 8 year olds like theirs. They get stickers when they help and if they are especially kind/good in anyway to any one.

NM, your name makes me feel sad as I miss being up north .

Thanks for saying I am not the only one.

I worried about having a girl. And now I find I don't like her behaviour at all [worried].

Sorry my name makes you feel do you get to visit up there at all?

I'm the opposite with my dd, I always looked forward to having one and now I'm realising how hard it is.
It really is hard all this parenting lark. No'one ever told me what it would be like but you somehow get on with it. I don't think it's too late for boundrys with your dcs. They always say it gets worse before it gets better. Just keep sticking to what your doing (or what feels right)
Whenever you post on here Fab you always sound like a normal decent mum yet (and I hope you don't mind me saying) you come across as lacking confidence in yourself. DON'T. You sound amazing and your doing perfectly fine

Sorry I just got carried away there and none of that probably made sense but I knew what I was trying to say

I took the children up in the summer holidays but I want to live there .

No offence taken, I do lack confidence. I don't trust myself that anything I do is the right thing.

Thank you for this thread! I thought I was the only one. DS, 8, has gone to bed in tears the last two nights. I feel like a crap mum. He says 'no human being loves me' and says we never do anything with him. I know this is totally not true. He's completely manipulating us and getting stroppy, rude, talks back.

I know this is the time we need to be firm and impose boundaries. Maybe these have been a bit slack lately - staying up a bit too late etc.. He doesn't know how good he's got it!

I've felt so shitty as all I seem to do is shout and argue with him.

I honestly wasn't expecting this for at least another 3-4yrs. Sometimes I feel I can't cope with his behaviour anymore.

I'm there with ya! I have a ten year old DD and sometimes I just feel so crap that it seems like all I do is tell her off.

I do set boundaries but I can't stand her stropping about the place constantly and giving me attitude. I've never been a shouter but omg is my patience being tested at the moment. Watching this thread in the hope that someone comes with some tips!

My mum says its my karma, because she's so like me at that age... I was, I admit, vile till about 16. Only another 6 years...

If it's any consolation, girls from about 8-10 CAN get a first flush of hormones as their overies slowly start to mature.It then settles & peaks again a few years later when proper puberty starts!

A taste of what's to come ladies sorry!!

I thought I had a few years left but my 11 yo now has underarm hair and a bush...uhh..somewhere else ( I didn't pry he proudly showed me). He has the attitude and demeanor of a 14yo but he is tall so I guess it's just come sooner. His best answer to this is "Whatever!"

I am reassured that it appears normal but sorry you are suffering too. How can I help the children? If it is relevant I didn't start my periods until 14 and neither child has any hair yet. What upsets me the most is they just don't seem to like each other at all.

Just keep the lines of communication open TOF, & as much of your time as you can with them doing nothing in particular.

I found the best "random chats" as DD2 calls them occur when I'm sorting laundry & they wander in to chat about their day, (amazing how many times you can fold & refold clothes in a desperate atttempt not to break the moment!!) or when I'm having a soak & they prop themselves up against the wall & ask you something.

We've discussed everything from oral sex,to bullying,world peace & what to wear tomorrow at various times, you can't plan for these moments so seize them!

Oh & in bite size pieces, after about 10/15 mins DD2 will pause mid discussion & say "what's for supper?"

It's good to see that I'm not alone. I've been really worried about my 10 year old daughter's behaviour. She's always been on the dramatic side but also always extremely loving. Recently, her bad bahviour has got worse and I know it's linked to sleep and food ie not enough of it and when she does eat something, she's a bit better, it's just getting her to that point! However, she can suddenly turn and be so nihilistic and horrible. She's the eldest and doesn't seem to like being so. When she cries, she's developed this awful keening noise and likes to shut out the world. I feel so angry when she does this and find it really difficult to be patient and understanding because it feels as though my grown-up girl is behaving like a toddler again. I have to walk away.She also really yells and is totally without reasoning. She also sounds inconsolably sad and the very very littlest thing can set her off.I know she feels that she's in between growing up and staying young but she goes through long periods of being like this every day. She now behaves like this in front of others sometimes and they become worried, like us. It affects the whole house and I hate it. When she comes out of it, I feel it important to get her to aplologise to whoever it is that she may have upset in the process. I hate the feeling that I can't communicate with her. We've set up a behaviour target list,that she will not shout or scream when she is upset as that's the bit I totally object to. mine is 'mummy will not shout' and my husband's is that 'daddy will not swear'!! Other daughter (8) is that she will listen and respond to things we ask of her. Any lovely thoughts from anybody?

Oh, it's lovely to not feel alone. We've just had a hideous week with our 10 yo dd who's been acting like such a spoilt brat lately, which is certainly not how we have brought her up to behave. The nagging, the whining, the endless button pushing .....ugh! It's horrid.

She is very cross with us at the moment. Now she is year 6 apparently she knows it all and is practically grown up. She tells me she wants to be in charge of herself and doesn't want to do what grown ups tell her to do anymore. I gather she is being difficult at school too, not following teachers instructions etc.

Honestly if I could afford it and wasn't so bothered about what others think, I'd buy her a flat, stick her in it and see just how long she'd last being "in charge of herself".

You sound like you are doing a great job.

dd and ds2 just came in, dd saying ds2 wasn't playing the game right and hurt her. I asked them what they wanted me to do as they clearly don't like each other and my 6 year old said kill me so my sister will be happy without me[done shit job emoticon].

Not sure if youre looking for advice our just to share with other posters in the same boat? Mine are 13, 11, 9 and 6 and so far they are well behaved. Whether this is luck or something we are doing, I'm not sure.

But fwiw

I think they need some autonomy as they get older, so make sure they're not over scheduled and have plenty of time just to 'be'. I let mine self regulate, so I don't chase them to do homework or tidy up at a particular time, they just know we expect it to be done. I don't argue about minor stuff like wearing a jacket when its raining, but I will insist on them taking a phone if they're out on their own. No one likes to be told what to do all the time, it's a wind up.

I did let them go into town on their own at those ages, they went to the library, sweet shop, charity shops on their own. After meals they clear up and get the dishwasher on. They keep their rooms in a reasonable state, produce their washing and put it away. They also do a lot for the dog, and help each other. I think if they take part in the running of the house they feel useful, which helps their independence.

As far as getting on with each other, if one is upsetting another we encourage them to stand up for themselves, I don't step in to tell one off, just get them to learn how to make it clear that they've had enough of the other's behaviour and ignore or walk away if necessary. We did read the 'how to talk books' especially 'sibling rivalry' years ago, which are excellent. I also don't tolerate whining and complaining, they have to restate what they want as a sensible request. So 'I can't open this' becomes 'can you help me open this?' silly example but I'm not a complaints centre...'I'm bored' gets 'would you like a list of jobs to do for me to keep you entertained'.

I also think eating together at least once a day is a massive help in terms of bonding as a family.

I know I will be accused of smuggery for this post. In real life when people complain about their dcs I don't ever, ever say , 'Well mine are lovely' or 'here's what I think you should do...' as it is social suicide. I usually just listen and sympathise. But maybe someone reading this is looking for solutions, and some of these might work for someone.

Sounds pretty normal to me FAB. My house often rings with shrieks of "I hate you, I wish you weren't my brother / sister"

My two have to argue and disagree about everything these days. At 10 & 11 they choose to amuse themselves separately a lot of the time, but every now and again I'll hear them getting together and planning a game and I know it will end in disaster very quickly.

My kids are nowhere near as bad as I was with my brothers and sisters. We used to shove each other downstairs, push each other through the greenhouse glass, stab each other with knitting needles ..... I could go on. But as adults we are the best of friends.

We don't ask them to do very much around the house but the little we do ask of them usually ends with the 10 year old moaning (he does the least) and comments from himn or the 8 year old about how they did it they day before, their sibling hasn't done it.

They have a lot of free reign about what they do with their time, we don't micro manage them but they have started a new school and they have more homework. We don't really want to find out what happens if they don't do it and want to start off well with the school.

There is nowhere for them to go off on their own where we live (a village with no facilities at all) and I have neen unsure about how much freedom to give them due to being left alone a lot from 8 years of age, expected to get myself to school but I lived with people who had no caring feelings for me. I want to keep my children safe. I left my 10 year old alone in the house a month ago for 2 lots of 15 minutes and he was fine. I was nervous in case I got in to trouble.

When we try ignoring their fighting in the hope they work it out for themselves, and to ignore the bad behaviour, we get accused of not caring.

I don't step in to tell one off, just get them to learn how to make it clear that they've had enough of the other's behaviour and ignore or walk away if necessary.

Sorry, I didnt mean I'm doing the ignoring and walking away, but teach the dc to stop playing with the other one who is hurting her, tell them why herself and walk away. Game over, basically.

I would ignore the moaning about housework, point out gently that you are capable of cleaning other people wee and poo off the loo without complaining and moaning, so picking up a few toys is not such a bad job.

Sorry you had a bad time growing up , Fab, it must make everything much harder to know how to handle things.

Who is accusing you of not caring? Is it friends or family?