This is long, sorry. I am really down about this and need help.
My DS is 3.7 and has been dry and clean since Feb/Mar including at nights with no regressions - very occasional accident but that's it.
In Sept, he started new preschool and there were a few other changes to routine and we had builders in. Understandably he got a bit stressed and his response was to have a potty training regression - wees and poos not always happening on toilet. It was a turbulent month - behaviour was bad too - but about a fortnight before half term he got into the new routine and it all got much better albeit not as good as before.
We got to the stage where half his wees have been on toilet and the rest have been a tiny little leak and then rush to toilet himself. Poos have usually been a skidmark in pants and then rush to toilets again by himself. I can live with that and haven't commented other than to change his pants and occasionally say "it's fine, don't worry" if he looks a bt upset about it.
The last fortnight it has for no reason gone downhill again - pretty much every wee involves a leak first, although no full accidents, but he has stopped going to the toilet to finish it without me chivvying and this week every single poo has been in his pants and he hasn't even told me. He's just carried on playing and ignored it until I have realised.
He stayed with his GPs over half term and had no accidents, not even leaks, at all so he can do it fine. The last 2 weekends when DH has been around he has been absolutely fine as well. But with me he just has accidents and they are getting worse.
On Monday, he did a massive poo in his pants and just carried on playing trains and crawling around in front of me then screamed at me when I calmly suggested we go to the toilet and clean him up. I lost the plot and screamed back at him and shouted. I knew as soon as I'd done it that it was a bad move but for once my frustration got the better of me :(. Unsurprisingly since then it has been a whole lot worse. Tonight he did a massive poo in his pants while sat next to me eating his dinner. By the time he got to the toilet it was dripping down his leg and on his shoes. I burst into tears as I cleaned him up. Sent him on his way and tried to hide it but he knew I was upset and came to cuddle me. When asked if there was anything wrong, he says things like 'I want a blue toilet not a white one' or 'I like being dirty' or 'if you give me chocolate buttons I'll do it on the toilet' (tried the latter this week by the way - no impact at all)
Please help. I am so thoroughly depressed about this, but also in danger of getting very angry about it (as I did on Monday) because I know that he can do it perfectly well and there doesn't seem to really be a reason for this any more other than he has got into the habit of not going. And of course getting angry makes it a whole lot worse. Why is it just me that he does this for? What on earth can I do to make it better again? I don't even care about little leaks or skidmarks, I would be so happy with that at the moment.