11 month old won't sleep in cot

[MammaBrussels]

Hi there

I have an 11 month old son who won't spend the night in his cot. He'll drop off when he has his milk and then wake up about 5 hours later needing a cuddle. He goes back to sleep but the minute I pop him back down he wakes up screaming and ends up sleeping in bed with me while DH sleeps in the spare room. We want to get this sorted but REALLY don't want to resort to controlled crying. Has anyone got any solutions?

Thank you

Some suggestions, that may or may not be helpful. Is the baby in his own room, if he's still in with you then think about moving him into his own room if you can as you all disturb each other without realising it when you are in the same room. When he wakes do you need to pick him up or can you put a hand on and stroke or pat him gently back to sleep. If you have cuddled him back to sleep are you rocking him, less rocking the better as they wake up when the sensation stops, also try not to talk again he will wake up when you stop. If you do cuddle him, try swaddling him when you put him back it's old fashioned but it does work you may need to call on a relative over the age of sixty to show you how. My mum did it to my baby and I was horrified she wrapped him up really tight in a blanket he couldn't move, but he loved it and slept like a log, I suppose it felt the same as a cuddle. You must do your best to crack this because it's no joke once you are dealing with sleep issues with an older child. On the other hand, if he's good as gold going to sleep to start with is it to much of a hard ship to pop him in the bed everynow and then. Good luck x

Thanks Peccie. He's not in his own room yet but will be from tonight onwards. When he wakes up he needs to be cuddled for about 10 - 15 minutes until he's fast asleep otherwise he wakes up as soon as you put him back down. We don't rock him or talk to him just cuddle him. I'll try swaddling him too to see how he finds it. Thanks for the advice!

Ok, I am going to disagree with Peccie on this one.

I disagree that you must "do your best to crack this because it's not joke once you are dealing with sleep issued with an older child"

I also disagree that it is a problem to take a child into bed with you.

As things are, your baby goes to sleep in his own bed and then wakes up during the night and wants to come in with you and your DH. Why is that a problem exactly? Is it because you have been told that this is wrong and unnatural or because it truly is problematic in some way to you? Why does your DH have to leave the bed if your son comes in? Why can't your son just come in between you - babies really don't take that much space and he's old enough now so you don't have any worries about squashing him. Or if you prefer, get a bed rail and put him at one side, you next to him and your DH on the other side.

Most babies want to sleep with their parents. It is natural. You don't see kittens or puppies sleeping away from the parent dogs so why on earth should baby humans be any different. Would it be so wrong to go with the flow a bit more and accommodate your son's needs rather than imposing old fashioned and draconian sleep training onto him. Sleep training will invariably involve your son being distressed and crying - I cannot see how that is good for you or for him.

All my children have slept with me at some point. My DD (15 months) sounds like your DS - she starts in her own bed and then at some point in the night comes in with us. Result - we all get a good night's sleep and everyone is happy. My DH doesn't mind, we still have a healthy sex life and there are no problems at all. Occasionally she sleeps through and as she gets older, the more she starts to sleep through. She will do it in her time with no pressure or "training" from me.

Incidentally, despite co sleeping until the age of 2 plus, both my 7 and 3 year olds sleep very well on their own in their own beds.

Tryharder it's good to know your older children sleep well in their beds. My daughter is 14 months and goes down in her cot but then will wake and I bring her into bed with me. If my partner is up early he will sleep in the other room if not then we all sleep together. Alot of people tell me i've made a rod for my own back, but i've tried controlled crying...briefly... and it was hideous. This way I am much less stressed and I really do feel she'll sleep through when she's ready. x

Tryharder - thanks, it's reassuring to read about co-sleeping not being the worst possible sleeping arrangement for babies. The only problem we have is that our bed doesn't really seem big enough for all of us! Plus DH is a VERY light sleeper, is up and down in the night and gets up early and he just disturbs DS.

How did you manage to get the older two into their own beds when they hit 2?

Re your bed being too small for all 3 of you, we dealt with the same issue when DS hit 4 months or so by taking the side off a cot and securing it to our bed. (Thanks mnetters for the tips at that crucial time!). We have his mattress at the same height as our own. It was easy in our case to join them exactly because the beds fitted together into a tight alcove really well. This is as safe as having your baby sleep with you with a bedrail if you do it properly.

(However, we're not sure if a bedrail would do much right now that he's just started to crawl. He can almost pull himself up on the side of the cot, so it's not entirely safe to leave him on his own, but we've barricaded the part of the cot that juts out of the alcove, and he sleeps in a grobag. Are 11m babies any less likely to crawl out of bed than our 8m DS?)

Can you really swaddle an 11 month old? Did you do it MammaBrussels, how did it go? Sounds impossible to me! I would go with the flow for a peaceful nights sleep, I miss my sleeping DS in our bed now he sleeps through in his cot - I didn't do anything he just did it.

Reading this with interest as my 9.5 ds is the same. Spends half the night in with us, but tryharder your post was so reassuring!

boognish - will try taking the side off his cot and moving the furniture around a bit so that he isn't able to crawl, cruise (or very soon) walk off the side.

milkyjo - I did swaddle him but he created such an enormous fuss that he was unswaddled very quickly. He then had the worst night ever where he just wanted to play from 11pm until 3.30am. He's just mastered peek-a-boo and thought I was playing along by going to sleep so I was up all night with him shouting "Boo" at me .

moulesfrites - I'm beginning to think/ hope that most babies do this and all of them eventually grow out of it

Really have the pressure lifted after reading this! I have the same problem my little one will go To sleep in her cot till about 3 ish then want to come in bed with us, people have told me I need to snap out of it and let her cry but I don't think I can do that emotionally!! It's heartbreaking and just want a bit of a solution really but my plan is that when she's older she will just understand that it's her 'big girl bed' no one else agrees!