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Reactive attachment disorder )RAD)

7 replies

ladydriver · 09/11/2011 22:45

Ihave known for years there was something wrong, but so called proffesionals told me I was imagining it, only today after my d being in a clinic for nearly a year, they finally said RAD or maybe borderline personality disorder, in many ways a relief, after self harm and suicide attempts, drugs, alcohol and the deed at least I know now, d is 14. I am sitting here typing through my tears because she is about to be released into the community, but not to me they are putting her into care, because my morals are to high, becaue I want to pick her up from her nights out, because I don.t want her to smoke and so on and dont want these boys who are 4 years plus older than her taking advantage of, . her, she is adopted and they are always looking for love, the guys she goes for are always older and in other relationships so my d is just another string to their bow, only it sems that it is more important to keep d happy and not say no and prevoke self harm or worse, proffesionals say nothing to her about her conduct, so that makes m the bad guy/ At this moment my heart is breaking, I dont know how I can watch her with foster parents, I waited so long to be a mum,and she came home a 14 months old....and now at 14 years she's and i am already grieving for my lost child

OP posts:
bethylou · 09/11/2011 22:48

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I have just received some training on attachment disorder and am only just beginning to realise how tough it is for the young people and their families. I'm sorry I can't say anything more helpful and hope that someone will come along who can. You sound like a great mum to me and I hope there will one day be some resolution for you all.

MadameBoo · 09/11/2011 22:51

:( I am so sorry, this must be heartbreaking for you. Has she been in foster care before?

ladydriver · 09/11/2011 22:53

No not in care before

OP posts:
MadameBoo · 09/11/2011 22:57

You are still her Mum. You chose her when she was little and you have loved her unconditionally as you would have if you had been her biological Mum. The social worker should be working towards getting you back together eventually and getting you some support along the way. Have you a worker from adoption services?

theseventhdwarf · 09/11/2011 23:08

I m so sorry you and dd are going through this. I hope you can get through it and become stronger together, you sound like a very loving and caring mother and in time I hope you and dd can work through her issues. I can only imagine the pain of the spearation your re feeling right now i hope it gets better for you both soon

BuntyPenfold · 10/11/2011 08:47

I'm so sorry ladydriver, RAD is a very hard thing to deal with.
Have you tried the 0844 848 7900 Adoption UK free helpline, for support and legal advice?
All the best xx

DaisyDaisy100 · 04/09/2017 07:47

Hi
I feel your pain - I too am in the same situation. G is 13 and I adopted her when she was 6mths old. She follows exactly the same pattern as your D and I too am at my witts end and feel so helpless for G. Everything you say about smoking ,drinking, boys etc is true. We are advised to set boundaries. Are you able to talk about what happened after foster care - did you both finally get the help you needed? if its too painful i do understand. Hugs. Daisy

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