5mo never cuddles - did I do something wrong?

[entropygirl]

Sorry I have not spent much time in this section but I am hoping someone might be willing to help....

My 5mo DD has never allowed me to cuddle with her. Until 3mo she would just banana herself and howl if I picked her up for anything other than a very quick post feed burp and now she is older she just pushes back and starts looking/turning around till shes facing out and then does her level best to escape from my knee.

I didnt realise how odd it was until I had three babies (all the same age, from my antenatal posse) in a row sit on my lap and a) look at me, b) reach out to me and c) snuggle into my arm/chest. I also didnt realise how much it is affecting me emotionally until I burst into tears all over the third baby and his mum.

Is this me? Is it my PND? Is it my DD? Is there anything I can do?

ahhh under pregnancy huh....no wonder I didnt find it .

Thanks for the heads up.

Would it help if you contacted the BFN drugs line. They can chat to you about your medication and maybe reasure you that it's fine to Bf with.

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/drugs-in-breastmilk.html

Firstly, you can take antidepressants and breastfeed. I tak citalopram, very low profile for any side effects, very effective, helpful. BFing was the one thing that made me feel like i might be doing something right.

Secondly, at 5mo my DS wasn't a cuddler. At 16mo he cuddles a bit, in a "Mummy lie on the floor so I can fling myself at you" kind of way! And when we read a book at bedtime. He is only just getting vaguely attached to a soft toy. Some kids take a while to get cuddling but I have no doubt he adores me when we play silly games together. I am also a working-away-from-home Mum and try and make our time together special, for my benefit.

Does she make eye contact with and cuddle your dh?

If you are concerned about attachment / pnd etc it's prob worth talking to your HV or GP.

Looking on the worst side, if there are attachment problems, she's young enough to sort. There's lots of good info on creating an attachment in older babies...I used it as I took on a baby at 6 months.... could send if you ever needed it :)

If she has a secure attachment to your dh though, that's sufficient for her not to have any long term probs.

It's likely this isn't the case anyway, but just looking on the worst side of it... anything can be sorted so try not to worry! :)

That would be really interesting tiger, thanks.

She snuggles much more with DH but still not a great deal but I think its the same story on the eye contact....DD watches DH intently unless he looks at her at which point she looks away.

Dont know if that makes it more or less likely that she is just like that rather than that I have damaged her in some way.

Hi entropygirl, I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I just wanted to urge you to speak with your GP about PND. I am suffering from PND (after fiasco of trying to establish breastfeeding and only being able to mix feed). I was spending every day crying and not getting out, and I too was worried about the effect it could have on my DD (now 20wks).

I was referred for CBT and medication, and although the CBT helped some, the medication helped immensely. I stopped taking everything personally and was able to bond with her much more than I had before. It was like a light switching on. I was, like you, extremely worried about the effect of the ADs on DD, but the psychiatrist who prescribed them put it to me this way: There are no known, researched side effects of the minuscule amount of AD that get through breastmilk, but there are documented effects of depression in the mother on the child. While it's not a choice I wanted to make, I sided with the ADs and feel so tremendously better. I'm on sertraline, which transfers the least in breastmilk.

I was able to stop internalising everything (ie when my daughter cried at the breast, perhaps she wasn't hungry rather than, as I thought, rejecting me for the bottle). So you may find that on ADs your perception of how much your daughter is bonded with you changes, if that makes sense?

My DD often doesn't want to cuddle and tries to get away from us. I think she's of the age where everything is just so interesting to her that she wants to explore. And your daughter could be going through the same thing.

One thing you could perhaps try is the rugby hold while bfing? Then you could look into your DD's eyes while you're feeding, and maybe feel more bonded?

Hope you start feeling better soon.

DS is almost 1 and only really started cuddling me at 11 months, and even then has to be in the right mood for it.