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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dummy advice please.

15 replies

Viagrafalls · 09/11/2011 20:01

I have a beautiful 12 week old baby girl and she has used a dummy since almost week 3, she was/is a very sucky baby and it really helped in the early early days but obviously the more she has it to go to sleep the more she needs it. At the moment I am replacing it many many times a night as it falls out and she cries for it without really waking up - that is, if I put it in quickly she goes back to sleep and if I dont, she cries louder and eventually wakes up. Sometimes in the early part of the night I am putting it back up to 20 times before she falls asleep.
I would really love to start to help her learn to fall asleep without it over the next few weeks, especially as she will possibly be coming up for sleep 'regression' quite soon and will presumably be waking a bit more during the night.
Does anyone have any tips or advice on this?
I'm thinking along the lines of going in every few minutes and reassuring her/patting her tummy/kissing her etc but I know it will still be distressing for both of us so would be grateful for anyone who has done something similar to tell me how it went and how long it took.
Thanks!

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Bossybritches22 · 09/11/2011 20:28

I know there are many anti-dummy folk on here, but FWIW I think (like your DD) there are some babies as more "sucky" than others. One of mine was, one wasn't.

I hate the things BUT they can save your sanity

Try popping in the dummy the first time she spits it out & gently but firmly rub her tum,leave it for a good few minutes till she is well asleep.

Secondtimelucky · 09/11/2011 20:33

What your are describing is basically controlled crying (unless I've misunderstood what you mean) and I don't think that's the way to go with one so young. It will be horrible for both of you.

Have you thought about trying the Pantley pull off from No Cry Sleep Solution? You'd need to get a copy of the book, but IIRC you basically remove the dummy as soon as her sucking slows. You then gently close her mouth with your finger. If she cries and roots for it, you give it back and repeat, repeat, repeat until she falls asleep without it. I'm sure someone could give a better summary.

girliefriend · 09/11/2011 20:38

Hmm a tricky one it sounds like it is kind of defeating the object if she is still waking up so much so I think it would be a case of trying to let her settle with the dummy but then immediatly taking it out, if she wakes up properly (not just grumbling) and you really can't settle her without then repeat. Eventually she will get used to not having it in her mouth and be able oto settle without it. Does she have it much in the day and do you keep it just for sleep times?

Original poster

Viagrafalls · 09/11/2011 20:48

Oh, well I don't want to do controlled crying with her - she is so little and to be honest I don't like the idea of that at all! But quite like your idea girliefriend as it is the initial settling that is the most exhausting for us both. I also like your advice secondtime, i think I will look into it and maybe i'll just have to put up with it for a bit longer after all. i did wonder if she would be a bit small to give it up. it did absolutely save my sanity in the early days and she would fall asleep with it at the beginning of the night and that was it but now it seems to be an absolute necessity for sleeping.
I love her sooo much that the thought of doing anything traumatic to her, even if its for her 'own good' is horrible!

OP posts:

Original poster

Viagrafalls · 09/11/2011 20:49

Only for sleep times! She is dummy free unless she is in bed or going to bed!

OP posts:

Secondtimelucky · 09/11/2011 20:56

I think girliefriend and I have suggested slightly different versions of roughly the same technique really. Gently weaning her off is kindest to all of you.

Also meant to say, I do agree that some babies are sucky. Both mine are/were. DD1 loved her dummy until she found her thumb at around 9 months, and a couple of months after that her sleep improved a lot. She wouldn't take the dummy after that. DD2 is going the same way, but sucks her fingers. She is five months and just working out how to suck her fingers to sleep. They change so fast at this age that I wouldn't stress too much if she doesn't want to give it up.

I would always value your instincts as a mother. If it feels horrible, don't do it. There are always other ways to do things. You sound a lovely mum.

Original poster

Viagrafalls · 09/11/2011 20:59

Ah, thanks secondtime, so do you - lets hope she thinks that when she's a bit older!

OP posts:

naturalbaby · 09/11/2011 21:22

i never wanted to use them, but did with all my babies. i managed to get it off dc2 around 6months but it was a tough week. a very tough week! then i caved when he was having a tougher week and gave it back. he was a nightmare when teething and it was pretty much the only thing that stopped the constant complaining and moaning. as much as it's been a right pain putting it back so many times for sleep the benefits have been well worth it for me. i read it is quicker for younger babies to forget about them but the stress and upset in that short time wasn't worth it for me.

one of many positive examples from the last few weeks: 2 babies strapped into car seats, waiting for the rest of the family to finish faffing and start driving. both hate being strapped in and waiting, both scream their heads off, one gets a dummy (my baby) and is happy and quiet, the other has to wait and carries on screaming till the car eventually starts moving.

naturalbaby · 09/11/2011 21:29

i've just remembered - have you tried different dummies? i got the cherry shape for my newborn and that seemed to help, he managed to keep it in better.

girliefriend · 09/11/2011 21:30

fwiw my dd had a dummy and it def saved my sanity as she was a very sensitive baby who cried a lot!! However I didn't have the issue op is having til she was quite a bit older (nearly a year) and that signaled to me that it was time to start giving it up!!!

Original poster

Viagrafalls · 09/11/2011 21:49

Will maybe look into the other shape - I actually have some in the cupboard as bought both kinds originally!
But think you are right natural about the benefits - I guess i will just have to lump it with regards to the constant trips to put it back in her little square mouth!

OP posts:

dycey · 09/11/2011 22:11

My ds did the same thing and woke all night for it from 12 weeks... I got rid of it traumatically at 5.5 months. But he was a rubbish sleeper til 12 months so given my time again I think I would have stuck with it.

Baby no 2 is now 13 weeks and I didn't dare giver her one (tho it would have made my life so so so somuch easier). Maybe I was wrong again!!!!

It's impossible to get these things right.

If she doesn't wake for the dummy it'll be for you/cuddles/milk etc

girliefriend · 10/11/2011 10:31

Thinking about it my dd had the sort of flat type dummies and in the early days they always stayed in!

Original poster

Viagrafalls · 10/11/2011 21:39

right, am def sticking with the dummy as we both get so much comfort from it but will also try the new shape and if we are out in the car she can try to go to sleep with just the motion to get her sleeping...
tHanks ladies!

OP posts:

Kiwiinkits · 10/11/2011 22:55

I am also a fan of dummies for sucky babies.

One further idea, OP. At about 5 months we started putting a 'blankie' in DD's cot as a comfort item. She started sucking on blankie. Now it's blankie that is the sleep prop; it is easier for her to find blankie in bed and start to suck on it than it is for her to find a dummy and pop it back in.

DD is 13 months now and we took away the dummy completely at 6 months with no ill effects (a bit of moaning at first).

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