Help me help DD - she said today "No-one is my best friend at preschool" and burst into tears.

[VeryHungryKatypillar]

Just that really - she's a happy sort, has been at this nursery since she was 10 months old. She is so unhappy and keeps saying that no one will be her best friend. How can I help her? We talked about being a good friend, how mummy, daddy and dsis are her best friends, and how you can't make people be your best friend but I have no clue how to tackle this.

Oh poor little thing. There seems to be a huge thing at my dds pre-school at the moment about 'best friends' and they can be quite mean about saying 'you're not my best friend, x is' to each other, and a bit of ganging up. It's horrible and I didnt expect to have to deal with it until dd was quite a bit older. I would mention it to her keyworker and see if they can do some work on friendships and being kind. Could you also arrange to meet up with one of her friends outside of pre-school to help her develop friendships out of the big group setting?

Weird, there must be something in the water! My dd, (4 in Jan) has been saying the same. One of her nursery friends, who's roughly the same age and has attended alongside her since 6 months, has been less excited to see her last few times, wants to sit with someone different at breakfast time etc etc. Tis hard to know what to say. I have tried explaining that people like to spend time with lots of different people, that sometimes people can be tired/not in the mood and so on. But am also keen for suggestions on how to explain it. Tbh my dd doesn't appear to be dwelling n it - she moves on quite quickly and gets chatting to other kids she's friends with, but she asks why this little girl 'doesn't like me anymore' and am sometimes findin myself a bit stumped!

My dd and her nursery mates went through all this at this age the "you're not my friend thing was a constant refrain, multiple minor fall outs and allegiances. I think it's fairly characteristic for groups of girls this age and isn't too sinister.

What I did was arrange lots of playdates with non nursery friends, ie children of my friends outside pre school/nursery. Also try to encourage friendships with boys. My dd is not a "best friend" kind of girl, she likes to have lots of different friends which I've encouraged as I think ultimately it's healthier and stands you in better stead in life! I think she found the attentions of one little girl rather stifling at nursery as she wanted to have dd to herself all the time and whilst dd was happy to be with her it was in a group rather than 1:1 and this other little girl used to get upset. I used to say to dd "make sure you include x" and one time she exclaimed "I can't play with x all the time mummy! I can't play with her when we're asleep!" which led me to believe she found her a bit intense! Now they're at different schools tho they are once again best of friends. The distance seems to have done them good.

If you can bear it do "group" playdates, it has to be 4 tho, 3 is a difficult number!

Thanks all - I'm glad I'm not alone in having to deal with this. I suspect DD might be a little intense and also a bit bossy... all of which I can see might be turn offs! But she is huge fun too and her friends are always pleased to see her in the morning. It was just such a shock and so sad to see her so upset.

Thanks chaosisawayoflife I will definitely have a word at nursery - she quite often talks about this best friend thing - annoyingly since she moved up to pre-school I haven't been told who her keyworker is. I want to have a word about their use of the television too but that's a whole other thread! We have one of her friends coming round soon - not sure I'm brave enough for a group playdate minxofmancunia and your DD's perspective is helpful!

Midge25 - I've been wondering if those children who have been at nursery a long time are perhaps a little jaded with each other and the move up to pre-school and introduction to 'new' children means that they move on. All except my DD .

I agree it's a phase....my DD is 3 and comes home at least once a week saying "X isn't my best friend anymore"

When I had my 1st daughter I would have panicked but I know that it passes...I would minimize it to be honest...try to minimize things...brush it off...and spak to her worker to make sure....they DO dramatize things...at least mine do!