What do you do with dcs who are always bored?

[elfiro]

My 10yo dd says she is "bored every minute of the day". Hmm. Now, she has school, homework, swimming, football, piano and tennis to keep her busy, so I don't think that can be entirely true, however whenever she has any free time, all she will voluntarily do is watch tv or play on the computer. She is allowed an hour per day of screen time, and complains that it's not enough.

I don't automatically give her attention when she complains she is bored, but we do lots of things together - trips out, board games or just chatting. She sometimes has friends over, and will occasionally go and call on other kids in the street but I have to sort of convince her to do that, she doesn't think of doing it herself. I'm not sure why, as she likes being with other children.

She seems to have completely moved on from toys, which I find a bit sad. She will sit and read, and very occasionally draw, but again only if I suggest it. She has argued for a later bedtime and now goes at 8pm rather than 7.30pm but last night I said to her that if she's going to spend her time moaning about the tv having to go off and there being nothing to do, then she might as well go to bed at 7.30. I've also given her chores to do for me sometimes if she says she's bored.

She has always been very demanding and being my first dc I probably made that worse initially by thinking that she had to be entertained all the time. Having 2 more dcs made me realise that they are not all like that. While I appreciate that she needs more structure and planned activities than my other dcs (which she has), I don't want her to expect entertainment on a plate.

How can I encourage her to amuse herself more?

Is your DD's "i'm bored", code for "I want more TV/computer time"? TBH, as your DD sounds like she has loads of organised activities and you doing stuff with her as well, I would probably relax the 1 hour screen time rule to make it seem less tempting, its not as though she would have the time to spend hour upon hour on TV/computer anyway.

I have a 9 yo DS and we do have a no screen time after 8pm rule tho'. He is supposed to be upstairs having quiet time, hopefully reading, sometimes playing with lego until lights out at 9pm.

See, I wish my dd would still play with lego or playmobil - she used to love all that but now just won't touch it.

The screen time rule is partly to stop her (and the others) spending hours in front of tv or on nintendo DS but also because I would like her to use her imagination a bit more. With other kids she will spend ages playing imaginative games but can't seem to come up with them herself. Her younger brother is brilliant at amusing himself and loves free time but his ideas don't seem to interest her, or maybe she thinks everything he does is babyish.

My DCs are a bit younger than yours, but we have no restrictions on screen time and despite this they definitely spend less than an hour a day on average (some days more, some days less). I agree with Kamer, it sounds like your DD has a busy schedule, what with school and after-school activities I'm not sure she would have time to spend hours in front of the TV even if you let her? And it might stop the moaning!

We have TV off at 7pm and upstairs for story and bed. They are allowed to play in their bedroom until 8.30pm, and tend to play nicely together at this time (much better than at other times of day!) because they know if they start fighting it will be lights off and no more play!

I tell DD1 (nearly 9) that "only boring people are bored"

I have stock responses.

1. Only the boring get bored.
2. I wish I had time to be bored, you can peel the potatoes, empty the dishwasher etc
3. I am your mother, I am not your entertainments manager.
4. All DCs should be bored, it is really good for them.

I firmly believe number 4. It really isn't your problem-it is the DCs problem.

with us it goes like this:

DC - I'm bored
me: that's great cos then you can help me

can't remember the last time one of them admitted to being bored :)

Exoticfruits I have also said all of those things! She rolls her eyes at me.

If I do give her chores to do, she would do them, that's how much she can't think of anything to do. I'm happy to do things with her sometimes, but not every time she moans.

I find it all quite frustrating tbh. We were at the beach restaurant the other day (not in UK!), and the service was very slow so we ended up waiting about an hour for our food. It was in theory not a problem as there was a beach and sea and I had brought swimsuits and buckets etc. The younger 2 had a great time pottering about until the food arrived, but dd just sat at the table with a bored and slightly pissed off look on her face. She wouldn't go and play with her brother and sister. Fair enough if she genuinely didn't like beaches, but then later on (after the food when we were about to leave) a girl from her school arrived with her family and they happily went off together, and we had trouble getting her to leave!

Tbh, I think I would let her get on with it.

Although my DDs don't moan about being bored, sometimes they can be known to sulk and not join in when friends are over. I usually say something to them along the lines of:

"if you want to sulk (be bored) and not join in (do anything), that's your prerogative and you can do that if you want. Or you can stop sulking (being bored) and join in with your friends (do x,y,z). I know you'll have more fun doing that, but its your choice." Then I continue to ignore it.
They usually come round.

Tbh, being bored is the first stage of finding something to do. If she chooses to sit there being bored, that's her choice. She has the options of going out to play / reading / colouring etc or whatever the choices are. If that's what she chooses, I'd leave her to get on with it. When she moans just remind her of her choices and leave it at that.

If she rolls her eyes, looks pissed off and moans just ignore her! She is giving you a problem that is not yours. I say 'there are lots of things that I have to do as a mother but arranging entertainment isn't one of them'. Just say brightly 'poor you' and leave her to it.

Perhaps its become a habit. Have you organised her from an early age so that she has not had to amuse herself much before ?
Your DD neeeds to realise that she has to take some responsibility for entertaining herself. Its not as if you do not do enough, You seem to do pleanty with her and for her.

Its an awkward age when you have lost interest in Toys and yet are not old enough to be a 'teenager' - Its like being in limbo. I think she may also hoping if she moans enough - you will allow her more screen time. Can you not review the allowance of screen time ? Come to some arrangement where, if she does something to help you - she can earn a bit more screen time ?

Good ideas, thanks everyone.

Davsmum I think when she was very little I did organise her too much. I guess I was a bit anxious as she was my first and always wanting attention. Her brother and sister had both come along by the time she was 4 so she's plenty used to me dividing my attention between them all.

I'm not that bothered if she watches more tv really, it's more that I would like her do do something other than immediately go for the tv or computer when she has nothing to do.