I really need some help

[whackamole]

I'm sitting here in tears having got to the end of my tether with my 2.9 year old twins boys. They are just so horrible at the moment. I can handle the fighting with one another - I have a brother and a sister and we always fought. Not nice, but handleable.

What I am finding really difficult is the way they laugh when told off and immediately go back and continue what they were doing. I feel really silly posting this as it seems so trivial, but the thing today has been going in the fridge and getting stuff out (yoghurts mainly) and dipping anything and everything into their or my drink. And I mean everything. DTS1 did it with the end of a phone charger this morning - he has just done it with a toy, I told him off, put him on the naughty spot. He kept getting off, so I put him in his room. No toys in there. He managed to pull all the drawers out of his chest of drawers onto his toe and hurt himself. So, I brought him downstairs, calmly told him why I was cross and asked for a kiss and a cuddle. 30 seconds later and he is dipping the same toy in his drink. DTS2, despite having had a 30 minute meltdown earlier after getting the yoghurts out the fridge AGAIN and being told no (I know, pick your battles and all that - but it would have been his 4th!) has gone into the fridge again and got a babybel out.

I'm sick of it. They do play nicely sometimes and are very affectionate, but I feel like all I do is tell them to get down/stop that/pick it up etc etc. I also have a newborn (although their behaviour hasn't really changed since he came along) and they take advantage by standing just out of reach doing something naughty when I am feeding him. Example was DTS1 pouring his juice from one cup to another, spilling it in the process of course.

I don't really know what I am asking tbh. Just needed to vent. They were lovely this morning, really sweet and played nicely. Then they had a nap, and on waking all hell broke loose!

no advice, just sympathy! my DS is 2.7 and sounds the same as your twins. All i seem to do lately is tell him off, then he laughs, so i shout, then he shouts and it's one big circle. Do they go to nursery? And with the taking stuff out the fridge have you got a safety catch on it? My ds likes to swing the freezer door open so we got one of those safety catches and now he can't get in it.

Sending lots of sympathy it sounds like you've had a really tough day.
Perhaps the twins need to let off some steam? Perhaps a trip to a soft play centre tomorrow or the park (assuming the weather improves!)
Or perhaps separating them for a while so they play in different rooms & can't feed off each others bad behaviour? Guy at work used to swear that his twin girls used to plot against him, one would distract him by doing something a little naughty whilst the other did something worse when his back was turned! They've grown out of this now I'm pleased to report.

Thanks for the sympathy ladies, I have had a bath and chilled a bit and allowed OH to deal with them for the last hour or so. And now they are in bed so all's good for a while!

Petesmum - they are just like your colleague's girls, they do the distraction thing which is so frustrating! If the weather improves I'll take them to the park tomorrow, I normally would on a Tues/Weds when they are not in nursery but today the weather was foul and I had a MW appointment to wait in for.

Kelloo - I did have a fridge clip thingy, but it broke . I got it as part of a Bounty pack and haven't seen any others - or any sturdier ones - anywhere else. I'll google now for them. Will also google bungee cords so I can tether them to the radiators or something

Sounds like it might be better to go down the route of consequences rather than punishments? ie something which either physically prevents them from doing it again or shows them exactly why they must not do it. Especially if coupled with some kind of redirection.

So for the putting toys in drink, remove everything they do it with and tell them that it is broken (because it got wet). If this is a white lie it's still worth confiscating for a bit and then later saying it was fixed, but don't do it again as it might not get fixed next time. And/or not letting them near your drink. If they are dipping stuff in their own drinks, it might be worth going back to cups with lids for times when you're not actively supervising them. (TBH I tend to just take drinks off DS if he's messing with them and say he has to wait until dinner/snack time.)

I feel your pain on the fridge thing. DS went through a phase of this and I just used to take the things off him and put them somewhere he couldn't reach. Stuff is normally okay at room temperature for a bit. I even forgot to put yoghurts back and they got left out overnight a few times but were fine. They normally get eaten well within dates anyway. I also used to hide tasty looking fridge food behind boring looking stuff which put him off.

If DS does the drink pouring thing again, try just saying in a matter of fact, non-telling off, more asking-a-favour voice "Could you go and do that over the sink please?" Could work. Might not though!

You know something Bertie, the only reason I have fairly recently started giving them proper glasses is on the advice of the HV! I still have all their sippy cups so will go back to them. It's not worth the stress at the moment. I am hoping that also being told they have to have 'baby cups' because they won't behave with grown up cups will shame them a little bit! (That sounds horrible I know, but you know what I mean!). They don't do any of this at nursery, and that makes it even more infuriating when they do it at home!

DS tends to have a sports bottle of water knocking around at all times, nothing other than water ever goes in the bottle (too hard to clean) and this is the only drink he's allowed upstairs as well. So we sort of have a compromise in terms of spillable vs non spillable drinks. I must admit I've been getting a bit fed up lately because he tends to put his drink on a side table, climb onto the sofa, not pay attention to where his feet are and kick it off. Or decide he doesn't want a particular cushion and throw it away, knocking the drink off. So sometimes I just say no more juice today, he will have to have water.

I'd go back to the sippy cups too. Lots of people have told me that my lo (2 last week) should be drinking out of a proper cup by now. I refuse to until I know full well he'll not tip it all out at every given opportunity. I think he's a bit too young to fully understand that it's a drink and not something to play with or understand how easy it is to knock them over accidently etc.... far too much unneccessary hassle right now I think.

As for the fridge etc, I don't have much advice. Mine just knows (at the moment!) that everything in the kitchen is off limits to him (other than the fridge magnets). If he did touch things he shouldn't, I think (you never know how you'll handle it until it happens) but I think I'd be using time out like you did.

When they come out of time out and go back to the behaviour they were initially put in time out for, do you then put them into time out again? If not, I think the 'punishment' needs to be consistent with the behaviour so that they learn that every time they do something wrong, it'll result in a certain punishment. When they come out and continue doing what they were doing, if you then ignore that it'll give them mixed messages (ie it wasn't OK then but it is now)

I had an occasion with my lo once where he kept climbing onto the window and after a couple of warnings I put him in time out which he hates. He then kept coming back out and doing it again so back he went. That particular day, I must have put him in time out for the same thing about 10-15 times. It went on for hours and I did think it wasn't going to work. It was a horrible, horrible day!! I was wracked with guilt all day and for days afterwards. But I knew the moment I let it slide, it then became inconsistent. He gave in before I did and I've not had a problem with that or anything else I say no to since...just hope it stays that way :)

If all else fails put up a child gate & stop them even going onto the kitchen. Bit of a faff but perhaps you'll need it when bump arrives ??