Is it a)My children don't like me? b)I'm a horrible mum c)completely normal?

[justonemorethread]

OOH, a bit nervous about starting my new thread... Anyway, I'm not loosing too much sleep about this, but really really don't understand why this is happening:

Have two DDs, 4yr and almost 2yr

DD1 was always a big daddy's girl, as she got to toddler age she had this huge long phase of 'I want daddy', especially when he was around he had to do EVERYTHING - changing, feeding, and if he came home from work and dared to pop out again she would cry. If I tried to change her nappy or else when he was around she would scream ' I waaant daddyy!!'. Always put it down to being a daddy's girl. She's not so bad now but occasionally reverts.

DD2 is now going through exactly the same. I can barely go near her at the weekends, except the things she is used to me always doing, (bath and bedtime) as she's never been used to dh doing that so presumably doesn't occur to her that he would.

Whenever something happens in the day, like I've told one of them off, made them do something boring (like go to the supermarket) or leave them to play a bit while I cook or do some other bits, they'll suddenly be 'I want daddy', 'I miss daddy'.

Must add most of the day is spent happily, apart from the usual occasional tantrum, etc.

But I feel SO GUILTY when I hear it! Like I make them put up with too much boring time (ok that's not proper English but ykwim).

I just don't have the personality to sit and do colouring, puzzles, read stories all the time, and I'd never get anything done!!!

DH doesn't really enjoy it and always says at weekends 'Why don't they want you' 'Why can't I do anything' 'Why must I always have both of them clinging to me'.

What I really want to know, is this normal? Or should I examine myself and try to be more engaged/fun mum?

Absolutely normal. If your DH was a SAHD they would want you at weekends, and if you were both working FT and they were in childcare, they would probably cling to both of you.

Don't know any way round it except for your DH to step up to doing some of the boring/strict stuff, taking the pressure off you so that you can destress and feel like being more fun.

I got a re-plyyy! na na na nannaa naa!
Ooh, my first thread and a nice reply!
Thanks!
(and thanks for nice comment!)

yup - normal. my DP is a SAHD and our DS is perfectly happy with him until I am home. Once I am home, only mummy will do! (and no I am not always happy with that either, much as I love DS!)

Oh my youngest used to say "I want DD1" or "I want DS" when both Mummy and Daddy were mean. Or she would pack her bag to run away to her friends house, but as she couldn't go by herself she'd then expect me to take her.

Wait until they are older and threaten to phone childline because you don't let them have ice-cream after dinner.

It sounds very 'normal' to me OP . It sounds like playing with children isn't the most exciting thing in the world for you (fair enough to a point) but your children really do need 1:1 time from you. Even 5-10 minutes a day playing on the floor, joining in with whatever they want to do, then 5-10 minutes looking at books together or singing songs would make a HUGE difference to them. They will get the message that you find them interesting and love spending time with them, and talking about their play or pictures in books will really help their language development. Just remember to follow their lead - this is their time to be in charge!

Please don't feel guilty about them asking for daddy - part of being a parent is 'making' your child do stuff that just has to get done, like going to the shops when they would rather be at home playing or whatever. Asking for daddy is just a way of letting you know they would rather not do what they have to - I'm sure you feel the same sometimes!

My DD is exactly like this!

Is some of it a girl thing? I remember DS doing this to a lesser extent, but 4 y.o. DD is quite happy as long as I am around in the background but in her ideal world not actually doing anything.

I alternate between a and b, OP, am reassured there might be a c. I also blame DH -even though he is just a lovely Dad it is clearly all his fault.

Gah, DD is 2, am so hoping someone will come and tell me she will pass out of this stage by aged 4.

Both my older two are like this. Frankly I'm just waiting for the third one to be able to speak properly, and then I'm sure she will join in with the refrain of 'No, Daddy do it! Daaaadeeeeeeee!!!!' repeated over and over. I do quite often say 'Mummy loves you just as much as Daddy' but the bottom line is, not only is he not around as much, but I'm the disciplinarian and he's the 'fun' one.

They do tell me they love me as well, but yes, I'm hoping it will pass, or at least diminish a little. The eldest (5) does it a bit less.

'I'm the disciplinarian and he's the 'fun' one'

You've hit the nail on the head Minnie. Or at least that's how it's coming across to your DCs. Nothing to do with a 'boy' or 'girl' thing. Perfectly typical responses from the children, but not always a lot of fun for the 'disciplinarian' parent! The 'fun' parent needs to help out the other by not giving in to the kids all the time and shouldering some of the burden of the 'discipline' part of parenting.

Totally normal. I don't get a look in when Granny's around either. I think ideally DD would like her entire extended family in one house (generally we get a litany of 'where's Daddy? where's Granny? where's Granddad? where's ? most days)
SIL reckons we should enjoy the 'Daddeeeeeee' phases as it means we get a break

AAhh, thanks everyone! At least now when I hear the 'I want Daddy' refrain I will feel less guilty.

Josie I do take on board what you say but I find that even on the days I make a bit of effort (and anyway everyday I find 10 minutes at least for each child) I still get it! It's just that as other posters have pointed out DH literally only plays with them and nothing else, I think that's more where the crux of the matter lies!

Missorinoco You'll be glad to know my eldest had pretty much grown out of this but the competition with her younger sister has brought some of it back. I'm sure your dc will also grow out of it.

Anwyay, it was nice to get some replies, thanks!

Hi justonethread

Also second the 'it's normal' response - not least as it's either that or my children hate me too! My 2 DDs very similar to yours, DD1 turned 4 last month and has ALWAYS been a Daddy's girl - DD2 is 2 next month was always much more a mummy's girl but has suddenly started crying for daddy quite a lot.

There is definitely a 'Fun Dad' thing goes on - Dh doesn't see the girls in the week as he works quite long hours so, whilst he does pull his weight in the discipline stakes, is very good at playing with them when he does see them - but then does only play with them, i.e. doesn't generally have to squeeze all the housework, cooking, washing, shopping etc in there too. So, Daddy time is generally play-time, so I can see where they're coming from.

Do try and find even just an hour to do something with them if you can - I know it's hard and I'm always put off by the potential mess which will be left for me to sort out, but nothing beats the Ready-Brek-esque warm glow when you do - I did some painting with DD1 this week and surprised myself by even enjoying it, and she was delighted. There are masses of Christmas craft kits around at the moment if you need a bit of inspiration - baking's the other one I always quite enjoy and you get something out of it too.

One other thing just to convince you it's nothing personal - my DH was off work for 6 months this year following redundancy - it amazed me how quickly I became more flavour of the month when I wasn't around all the time. As if they finally realised that I wasn't just part of the furniture. So bear that in mind too.

Good luck!