How can I help my 3yr old?

[redpickle]

My DD will be 4 in March. She has one very special friend and until recently they went to nursery together along with another 'best friend'. We moved a year ago and she has started a pre-school. She still sees her best friend about once a month but apart from her she has nobody to play with. I don't think she has made any particular friends yet at pre-school and when we go to playgroups she tends to stay close to me.

She is a bit shy and I think making new friends could help and she talks about having 'best friends' a lot. She also has her heart set on a birthday party in March but I just don't know who to invite. What can I do? How would I go about inviting anyone to play when I don't know the children or their parents? I'd quite like to make some friends in our new village too but just don't know how to go about it, without looking desperate.

Any ideas/experiences welcome

I think this is the time when you have to help her make friends, at pre school and playgroups you need to start chats with other mums,chat to people in the shops chat to everyone - is it possible to start doing avon or something that means you have reason to chat to them?

I know its difficult when your shy yourself but generally compliment someone on their scarf or haircut ask where they got their dds coat from anything that requires an answer - most mums would welcome a chat.

ive lived in the country twice with small children and it really is about joining in,i volunteered at the local playgroup,worked in a local hotel,helped at school and just generally tried to be part of 'it'.

I think the birthday party is a great opportunity to start making friends - why not invite the whole of her pre-school class? I find it is quite common to ask people you don't really know to a birthday party - you can say 'my DD talks about your DD and wanted to invite her' (even if this isn't true). Keep going to the playgroups as well, I know it can be daunting at first but gradually you will start getting to know some familiar faces.

Is it alright to invite everyone then? I'm happy to do it I just don't know what the etiquette is for these things.

Sorry forgot to come back to this thread.

Yes OP, IME birthday parties for 4, 5 and 6 year olds often invite the whole class. Then as they get older it tends to get smaller - just for their closer friends. You certainly don't have to but (at my kids' pre-school) it would be quite common to invite the whole class.

We are in a similar situation, OP. DD doesn't talk about anyone in particular at pre school & I haven't particularly chatted to any of the parents at the gates. Theres one little girl DD plays with at the park who comes with her childminder, & I've been wondering about giving the kinder a note for her parents... But it all feels weird!

A big birthday party is a great idea.

Also, could you speak to the preschool staff and find out who she plays with? They probably have an idea who she likes and then perhaps you could try to strike up a conversation with the parent at pick up time - maybe invite them round to play or something?

I've got one in reception and one at preschool and in my experience lots of this kind of thing goes on - most parents are happy to chat and come round for coffee.

Yes, don't be shy. Invite the whole class. And don't worry, friends will come. We moved when DS was 3.2. We had a tough year I would say, where Mummy entertainment was more the order of the day but then two things happened, DS joined the primary school nursery when he was 3.10 (prior to this he went to a pre-school but it was 3 miles away), and he got older- much easier for them to make their own friends as they get older. Also, after making efforts to go to local playgroups etc I gradually met Mums I became friendly with and now have a whole new set of Mum friends to replace the set at old house.

So....advice is, be friendly, give it time- it won't happen overnight, but be proactive too- re joining other groups outside pre-school etc- music/gym etc. It's MUCH easier once they start school so for you I guess this is next September.

My DS had his birthday (turned 4) the October after our move in the January. We just celebrated with family that year- did a special trip to the zoo. Really, I was not up to inviting everyone when I didn't know parents/children. So I didn't really take my own advice at the top (I didn't know it was normal to invite everyone either ). For his 5th birthday just gone in contrast we had 18 kids (the number we invited) at his party! For his 6th I think we may go for something between the two!!!