Temper tantrums at 7

[KathrynKnight]

My 7 year old is rather feisty and still tantruming. The cause is frustration when she does not get her own way, which is often. It is also insecurity: not knowing what everyone else is doing and wanting to fit in. They are particularly difficult to handle when we are trying to get out of the door to school on time.

We remain calm, but it is hard to make her see the seriousness of the situation when she is out of control with fear that she is goign to make the wrong social decision.

Any suggestions gratefully received.

Kathryn.

Hi Kathryn, my DS2 is the same age and has Aspergers. Like your DD, he gets very anxious, and this shows itself as anger very often. I try to make sure that he is very clear on what is going to happen and when, before we do anything out of the ordinary. I also let him know that sometimes things don't always go to plan so that he can be prepared for that too (ie: "We will be going by train and we'll all try to sit together but if it is really busy we might have to stand and there's nothing we can do about that etc"

If you find it's pressure times such as getting out the door in time, it might sound really obvious but allow yourself extra time so no-one is stressed and make sure your DD has everything she needs and knows where everything is the night before. I am not a morning person at all and the only way I can function is to be v.organised in advance .

Also, positive praise really helps, rather than nagging about all the things that go wrong (easy to do I know!). Could you do some kind of reward system for when she does well in certain problem areas?

Hope these ideas help and that others have more ideas for you

Insecurity is not really an excuse where tantrums are concerned. There are always 'reasons' for tantrums but a child needs to realise/be taught that there is no point in having one because they will not be 'rewarded'

Suburbandreams response is excellent re how to help minimise the reactions your child is having re the fear etc.

Thanks very much for your posts and suggestions!!!!

It took a while to realise that I had to give my oldest plenty of warning about things, so I do that, but my husband does not. He also lets them veg in front of the telly before school (I am in work for 7:30am so that I can do the pick ups), which I would not. I think this makes it harder for them to go to school because they're relaxed and don't want the bother: hence the tantrums.

We'll get there, but your experiences and advice are very helpful and confirmed my 'prejudices'. Thank you.