when being good at sport becomes a disadvantage...pls help me with DS (7)

[worriermum]

DS has always been awkward socially - friends and friendships have never come easily. But he's an excellent soccer player and reasonably good at cricket and other ball games. Trouble is when a friend does come round, or when the boys turn to soccer, DS is desperate to win, win, win. And mostly he does. But he does it with no regard for the other child's feelings, even where the other child has not touched the ball and the score is becoming '12-zero; 13-zero etc' . When I remonstrate with him, or try to call him aside for a discreet word he tells me 'this is socccer/whatever sport and you dont understand. This is the GAME'. How can I help him see that he loses when he wins and the other child has not enjoyed the game at all ? How do I help to be less competitive without further undermining his already shaky sense of self ? Has anyone else had any experience of this ? Would be really grateful for some suggestions

I would be inclined to have a go at some board games, or card games, so that he can experience losing in a ''fun'' environment

Enrol him in some afterschool clubs for the sport, and don't allow him to play soccer etc when friends come round.

Most people do not have the space to play ball games at home anyway, so it would be good to encourage him to do other activities when at home.

Thanks 53 and frogs - appreciate both your responses. We are not in the UK frogs which is why we have space and sunshine aplenty for ball games. I hadnt thought of banning him from playing soccer with friends ...I need to think about that one (do I have the courage? ?? :) And 53 thanks for hte board game suggestion: I will certainly give that a try

You might arrange to have him soundly beaten at soccer. Don't know if that will work, but it might be the start of a conversation you could refer back to. How about physical games that require cooperation, even playing catch with various balls. Find him something really cool to do with a friend, which can't be competitive-- building a den or a fire to roast something on, taking apart an old broken computer or clock, etc. I'm thinking something something fun and unusual which kids can work on together.

My advice would be to get him into a competitive team in his best sports - that way he will come up against better players and begin to understand that being part of a TEAM is part of the GAME and that weaker players have to be given the opportunity to shine too so that the team improves. Don't be too hard on him team work doesn't become naturally until boys are about 12 - let him see how much more fun it is when games are close. This worked a treat with my DS who was way better than his peers and needed to learn a bit of humility.