Please help me handle my whinging 3yo DS

[Naetha]

Me, DH, DS (4 in january) and DD (2 this month) have just emigrated to Australia. It's been a pretty quick move (3 months from finding out to getting on the plane) and very stressful for everyone.

DS's behaviour is absolutely terrible at the moment, everywhere we go, everything we do he makes a scene, constantly demands stuff, and whinges constantly when he doesn't get his own way. If we ever give him a treat out usually backfires as as soon as it finishes, he wants another, wants more etc etc.

We're trying to be as consistent as possible, ignoring bad behaviour, rewarding/praising good behaviour, but it doesn't seem to be making a blind bit of difference. It's got to the point where out feels like there's no point going anywhere or doing anything - it's just not worth the hassle.

We try and give him a limited choice where feasible so he feels like he has some control over what's going on, but half the time he changes his mind and then throws a tantrum.

I know most of this is normal behaviour, and it's a stressful time for him as well as us but we can't handle it any more. DH is on the verge of moving out because he just can't handle DS and the additional stress he's putting us all under.

Any tips for helping to deal with this behaviour?

Oh dear!! Where in Australia are you? He's going to be going through some serious changes in himself, as are you all, but he doesn't have the skills to deal with it.

I have to admit, I can't stand whining/whinging from my DS (who is a month older than yours). I usually tell him to a) stop whinging b) I'm not going to talk to him until he stops whinging and c) anything good will immediately cease until he stops whinging. One of these eventually gets through to him. I have also discovered that DS is a "4 times repeater" - he needs to be told stuff 4 times before it goes in. After the 4th time, if he's still not changing the situation, then things get a bit more severe.

If he gets to the point of lying on the floor tantrumming, I tend to just look at him in shock and say in my best teacherish voice "what on EARTH do you think you are doing??" He usually gets up (I realise I am VERY lucky that he does!)

I would suggest that you work on creating a happy calm environment - not easy as I'm sure you're all under heaps of stress coming to terms with a new country etc. - he needs stability to be restored asap. Perhaps stay at home a little more, get DH to take DD out, and you stay behind (sorry!) with DS and help him realise that this is now his home, his space - make sure he has some continuity in his daily life instead of all change and upheaval.

I'm sure you'll have got his room already sorted out properly but if you haven't, I'd prioritise that so he has a haven he can call his own - and then if he starts kicking off, send him there to calm down.

Good luck and come and visit the rest of us on the Living Overseas board!

OK, I should have checked first - I thought I recognised your name!
So you're in Brisbane, nowhere near us in NSW - but I'm sure the Brisbane MNers would have a get together at some point?

My Ds went through a stage of this and still tends to whine a lot. I either ignore or ask him to use a normal voice. He needs a lot of silliness from me too if that makes sense so I try to make jokes out if things or imaginary situations. He won't leave a park for example, without kicking off but if I tell him we need to run to the car before a monster eats us he will. You have to be prepared to make a tit of yourself on public for that approach though!

We're two and a half months into our move and the kids are only just settling down - they were awful! I agree with the stick to the consistent discipline but as with us I suspect the move is a big factor. Part of it is the change and I'm guessing some rules were a bit more relaxed during the actual move so they've got use to pushing boundaries.
We just had Half term which was a major turning point, no school but lots of one on one playdates and low key treats. DS (5) is happier now he's got some pals - playdates were huge in helping this as school is still pretty tough for him and it also helped him feel like the host in our new home so it became HIS home - before he referred to it as 'the house'.
Dd (2.5) has been easier to settle bit whinging so we've just started a whinge box - if she can get through the whole day or a specific event without whinging she can pick something - it's just kind of lucky dip type prizes eg a couple of crayons or a sheet of stickers. Getting better but still working on it!

Not sure if either of those will work for you but will follow the thread to see other suggestions

Good luck