I have constant guilt and paranoia about this. We had a long journey together to parenthood, with extensive fertility treatment. I think all was okay when dd a little baby, alrhough i went for the "rncourage independende" school of parenting and feel (dh thinks not) that i didnt cuddle her enough (did ebf though) then I went back to work full time for a short time, which was very stressful and I feel that I neglected dd as I was too shattered to do effective parenting at weekends. Between eighteen months and just over two, we were trying for dc2 and I feel I was so focused on that that I wasn't in touch with dd. during pg with ds I was I'll and in hospital for a week during which I didn't see dd. I was also struggling to look after her for the rest of pg and beyond and was often shouty and tbh not coping well. Had cbt when ds a baby which helped and I began to feel better about relationship with dd. have since had dd2 and having worries again around neglecting dd1.
I guess I'd be less worried if dd had always appeared to need me. But even as a baby she was very happy with others, never cried when I left her to go to work. She did cling when she started nursery but generally most of the time she seems to prefer other adults. I'm getting this all down because I'm probe to over thinking and mithering and dh really says he thinks my concerns are ungrounded. But if dd was not properly attached, how would it be different from a six year old who's just very happy to go to others and actually not a problem at all? At times like these, google is not my friend!