Any suggestions to help 6yr old DS1 cope with his frustration/temper with friends?

[electricgem]

DS1 (6) is in yr1 at school and having a bit of a negative week at school with losing his temper and getting frustrated with his friends. He's always been a bit of an anxious personality, has always struggled with frustration (is a total perfectionist) and has also been quite unhappy in himself over the last month (very negative, quick to cry etc).

I'm just after any suggestions I can try to help him calm down and generally be a bit of a happier boy like he used to be . . .

Basically when his friends are doing something he doesn't like (teasing or not listening to the finer points of a game of chase!) he tries to tell them something, they don't listen and ultimately he loses his temper and grabs them by the arm or shoulder to get them to stay still and listen (and mainly to acknowledge him speaking). According to his teacher, yesterday this resulted in him holding his friend against the fence because he was so cross (teacher said he looked livid). He doesn't hit out but obviously nobody wants to be pinned to a fence or even grabbed like that.

His teacher has been great. Very calm, talks to them all in class about dealing with anger, the need to talk not push, has suggested he count to 10 etc. She seems very used to this sort of thing and says she's just keeping me informed. I've spoken to DS1 about this a few times as I don't want this to continue but am at a loss to know what I can do to help other than reinforce the obvious about acceptable behavior etc. I've also suggested he play with other boys in his class for a bit but he always stays with the same group. Generally DS1 loves his current class (much happier than last year) and is doing well at school. The social side is a bit of a downer though, I think he seems to be a bit of an outsider within his group of friends.

Any suggestions to help him deal with his anger better? He isn't a happy boy at the moment & seems so cross with a quick temper. Any ways I can improve his self-esteem? Or just help him cope? Not sure if relevant but he has a younger brother who is 3 & very laid back (opposite of DS1!).

Very sorry for the essay and thanks for reading :)

Does he flip out like this at home at all? If so how do you deal with it? Is he knackered? You could try some role play to show him how to deal with some situations- quite good fun if everyone does it lightheartedly . Maybe he needs help with the talking part, or needs to be shown that others will not always play/do what you wish and then what his options are- play their way/play with others etc. Think you've probably thought of all this! Maybe others will have some pearls of wisdom!

He does lose it at home sometimes but it's a recent thing.

He probably is more tired than I allow for, I probably need to take that into account and give him a bit more leeway - it's just he deals with a long busy day very well (breakfast club & afterschool club 3 days a week, some activities on the other 2 days). I'm loathe to stop his activities as he looks so relaxed and stress-free at trampolining (the only time I 've seen him not worry about not doing something perfectly!) and the other activities is Beavers which he loves too (plus hopefully good on the social side).

Thanks for your suggestions, I'll give the role play/scenarios a go. Will try and have a calm house this weekend and give him a chance to talk through it too and see if he'll listen to me a bit :)

Thanks again :)

Awwww, hope someone else will come on with some more hands on experience. Trampolining sounds ace. Is his schedule this year much different from last? Maybe school is more demanding this year- even if he is happier, the work is harder? Must be hard to get down time with his schedule, but I understand that might be hard to change. Yes, I can see not wanting to cut activites as both sound fab, is after school club etc only option for you?

Schedule is same as last year, and a bit better since swimming is now a weekend thing with his brother instead of wednesday which was hard going!
He does love the trampolining. His face really relaxes and he has none of his usual perfectionism when he does it, he just does it for enjoyment. It's the only reason I stick with it.

You're right about the school work, it must be taking a toll too. He does enjoy the class more, but I guess the strain of always wanting to be right and afraid of being wrong is mounting up . I should have thought about it before, he has always got upset if he can't do work easily (he thinks he should know it all - another issue!). I was a bit wrapped up in him being happier with his current class (last year was a bit hard going) and only focusing on the social stuff. Thanks for helping me see the obvious! He has been out of sorts for a month and the aggression in the playground is only the last few days - d'oh. I'll look at seeing if I can make sure he unwinds a bit and hopefully if he is happier then he will be able to handle frustration better.

Thanks Tgger :) has been good to have a fresh perspective