Self-punishment

[jaynebxl]

My son is 5 and a half and is a bright, intelligent boy with lots of mates and is generally happy in life. His behaviour at school is normally great. However he is pretty emotional and can have massive emotional breakdowns which I find quite hard to deal with. Lately he has had 3 episodes at school where he has got upset with himself and then gone on to hurt himself on purpose. One day just before half term he did something wrong in the playground, corrected himself but then was upset with himself for doing something wrong so he started banging his head on the playground floor. Obviously his teacher was worried ... and then it happened 2 weeks later when he accidentally stood on a friend's finger. He was really upset with himself and again banged his head on the playground floor to punish himself. We have discussed it and he knows he doesn't need to punish himself - he can talk logically about it all after the event. However today he was in the school lunch hall and didn't want to eat his lunch. The dinner lady told him he had to eat something ... he got upset and started stabbing his head with his fork! I didn't pick him up today - he went home with a friend ... but his teacher sent a message to say she needs to see me after school. Does anyone have any advice / common experience? Feeling pretty low about this.

I don't really have any advice for you, just felt bad that your question has not been answered.
My ds has on occasion smacked himself on the head and is quite neurotic but your ds's behaviour sounds quite extreme. I dont blame you for being worried.
Maybe he is feeling under pressure or anxious for some reason?
Good luck and I hope this gets resolved for you.

I can remember having feelings like this when I was younger, and can remember the horrible feeling of guilt when I thought I'd 'failed' or done something wrong (I still have a dreadful guilty conscience...!). Could you find an alternative physical outlet for his feelings - a squishy ball to dig his fingernails into, or one of those stretchy figures you can pull nearly to breaking point, maybe something that would fit into his pocket at school? I used to have things called 'worry dolls' as well, little dolls you told your worries to at night - somehow confessing to something inanimate helped sometimes. When I was older writing a diary helped. It sounds like you're being supportive and approachable about it (I had quite strict parents and was too scared of being told off to discuss anything I might have done wrong) so don't blame yourself, and I hope school are helpful.

My cousin's third DD did this in reception - a lot. She would get angry with other children and maybe hit them or shout at them, realise she shouldn't have done it and then start to pull her own hair out. She is an exceptionally bright child. They couldn't work out at all why she felt the need to do it.

In the end they removed her from school and educated her at home. Now several years on they HE all 4 of their daughters (the older ones begged to be HE'd too) and they are thriving, sociable and intelligent girls. I'm sorry that's not much help to you in terms of a coping strategy though.