Afterschool shrieking/fighting - gah. Wish it would end.

[CocktailQueen]

My two - age 4 and 8 - are so tired after school, esp 4yo ds - that they are quite beastly. Fighting, bickering, arguing, telling tales - or they are excited and rushing round the hosue shrieking. Neither of these things I like.

Are yours the same?? I try to have drink and snack ready for when they come home; I prep tea while they are at school; I spend time with them when they come home but jeez. It's horrible. I only get to see them for a few hours each day and would like the time to be NICE not spent bellowing at them/telling them off.

Anyone got any bright ideas???
Thanks :)

You need to teach them how to be with each other. Ignore bad behaviour for the time being and encourage positive interaction with all your might. Find a game they might both be interested in and actively teach them how to play with each other - guide them every step of the way. Stay calm. At this stage their experience of being around each other after school is entirely negative and chances are you're very quick to jump on them when disagreements start. Allow them to disagree but show them how to deal with it. So, for example, if one of them complains about the other listen to what they're saying and talk to them about it. Try to resolve it quickly using calm words, then move on from it. It's up to you to set the calm, accepting tone. Not easy, but give it time.

How are they together at other times? Weekends? Summer holidays? Is it the after school that is a bug bear or more general?

Hopefully 4 year old will get used to school as time goes on- can completely understand beastly behaviour from him as they can get very tired first term of reception but older one would expect better. Maybe it's the change of both being at school now.

I hate sibling disputes and unlike PP my instinct is not to get involved AT ALL unless there is physical abuse etc. This hands the power to them to get on with it (and they are 5 and 3!). I do try to model good behaviour to both of them though- eg telling someone when you don't like what they're doing, suggesting alternatives, going to play on your own etc etc and have managed to teach older one especially how to handle younger one- he's quite accommodating now (after 6 months or so of shrieks, "No!" etc ;-)).

Tigger - generally they play well together and get on fine at other times, it's just the after school time as they're both tired. Thanks :)

Don't worry, mine are the same! My 4 year old often has a melt down on the way home from school. I know she's just tired and I sing a little tune to myself which goes "I am patient I am calm" until the storm passes. Then she usually needs a cuddle, something to eat/drink and a chat about her day.

You are not alone

oh Kate I love the idea of your song

CQ, any chance of building a visit to park/walking home after school, justso they can burn off a bit of energy, blow off a bit of steam after being copped up at school?

a top tip, hand them a piece of flapjack/biscuit as they come out of school

531800000000000000000000 -thanks, good plans both!

Yes, i agree to exercise and food (4 and 3 yr old here)

We walk home from school/preschool c.25 mins and they usually finish packed lunches on the way. Tea immediately we get in.

Ah yes, something to break the habit. Take them somewhere (anywhere!) just somewhere different.